Happy new year 2010!

I guess I'll not have time to wish you all.

thank you for reading my blog until today.

I'll update this babe after new year, so hereby I wish all of you happy new year and God bless and good luck in the next coming year.

Time to let go of all the disappointments, sad events in this 2009, and prepare for the much challenging 2010 ahead. Time to be satisfied with all you achievements and well-done that we had. And make another some in this new year!

Take care. I'm off to Scampen. =)

Money and health?

We're chatting around today, sitting in Starbucks at Stuttgart Hauptbahnhof after futsal at Felbach.  I couldn't stop but to look away, thinking,

is money and salary the only thing that matters the most to you all?

Money is no doubt important, but what would it bring if you chase only towards money? I guess you're missing something else?

Well, after so long, you are still the same. I guess you're the happy people who follow the flow of the society and I'm just another someone else huh

p/s: In case you haven't noticed, there're no same designs on the coins. All are unique pieces from nearly all Europe Countries that I've collected. Each symbolizes each member of European Union (EU) .

p/p/s: In case you haven't noticed, this is the first image that I uploaded to my entries after soooo long.

p/p/p/s: In case you wonder why the image looks not-so-nice, it is because I'm newbie in DSLR shots. And it's not edited  ;)

--

If you have headache, what would you do?

People said if a cell or an organ is insufficient of oxygen, you'll feel pain. I can feel every single pain pulse of blood pump from my heart to my head. It sucks. Some more when my nose are stucked.

Sigh I want a better health. Please pray for me thanks =)

Christmas!

Merry Christmas to everyone out there!! =)

Trust

I think I'm a dangerous man (or kid/teenage whatever)

Maybe because I'm too analytical, I tend to label people. I'm not sure it's a good thing or not, but that's me. These few days were such a weird days for me:

Case 1:
There's this someone (let's name this person as "A") who I started to really know since a year. And because I knew A capability, I always tend to plan another back-up plans whenever we do things. And surely enough, most of the time A failed to follow the plan and in the end we have to change to the back-up plan. For some occasions I tried not to nag/long-gas on it, and forcing myself to TRUST A in doing things. Few days ago I tried to let a slightly more prioritized task to A. I tried to believe, to have faith, but... I'm disappointed.

Case 2:
I don't really know how to explain this, but feel like talking a bit about my school life. I got this Messtechnik (a subject) lab and she's my lab-partner. Nearly for all the experiment I have to know-it-all before the lab assignment starts. And sometimes because of busyness, mainly laziness, I didn't read through the tasks that we should do during the lab. And in the end we turned out to be the last group exiting the lab. Nearly every time I got stuck in the tasks, she'll also be blur, while the fact is she's a GERMAN and reading GERMAN shouldn't be a burden compare to mine? Anyway, it sucks because seriously, I don't like doing things alone.

Case 3:
When you lie, you shouldn't make lies or back your lies. Human are all good in telling what you have known/what has happened, unless you're a don't-know-what smart thingy -or- you got the lies all well planned and linked together. Else it's very obvious that you're lying. There're some people sometimes just don't get this. You don't come to tell me you don't like ice-cream when you always look to the ice-cream section whenever we go supermarket, can? And whether it's emotional or whatever, unless under stress or knowing I'm watching, your actions/vocabularies/words/reactions/expressions etc etc don't lie. From these I know how you really feel/think inside you. So don't act smart/noble, because I can see through you.

Case 4:
If you buy a phone but never pick up my calls, when I have seriously important stuffs to talk about, and unless you're busy or not convenience or whatever, how do you want me to not to be worried/angry/whatever? And because of that, my precious nearly-700€-in-total slipped through my files and folders and battery and back cover and main body separated, not to mentioned cracks at the edges and scars on the resistive sensor screen? Not to mention other inconvenience caused? And I have to hard-reset my phone because something seriously not right with it?

So in the end I find that I'm hard to trust people, especially when you treated them genuinely and they just d-e-s-t-r-o-y the bloody genuinity. I'm disappointed, especially when I put lots of trust in it. I'm doubting now, how to give trust in people without actually HURTING yourself with disappointments.

I really don't know where to spill out these things other than here, because there're things that I've been SWALLOWING these past few weeks and the effect just S-T-A-C-K-S over each other. I kept telling myself, 'I'm not gonna go and think about it,' and worst, some people just take it as a joke. Is this already is what people called 'ignorance'? And when it comes to feelings, I'm not good in choose-to-ignore like some peoples out there. Pff.

23rd supposed to be the best day that I had always have. And I WANT TO BELIEVE THAT.

23rd?

I always thought 23rd is the best date that could happen in my life.

then again,on  23rd Dec 2009, which supposed to be my 2 years old as a Christian, wasn't as pleasant as I have thought. Series of mistakes, mistrusts, panics, worries...

These are the words that sum up my today. To be honest, I'm VERY disappointed, and VERY tired now. Of everything. Sorry if I offended any one of you in any ways. I'm just.. seriously pissed today.

hmmmmmph.

Common sense la weh!

"Isu-isu sensitive janganlah dibangkitkan"

"kalau sorry bermakna, apa gunanya polis?"

"jurang permisahan antara kita"

"Cinta sejati tak perlukan balasan"

"Give them the hope, faith and love that they need."

"appreciate and be content of what you're given, because there're things that once you lose it, you lose it forever."

"bagai bermain lagu kepada lembu"



these are my favorite quotes, some dated back to my secondary school life.

And can you please on your sensors? Because you're too slow to pick this up - I need THE time for it. I ain't robot and I am emotionally affected. Com'on, common sense la weh!

sorry randomed. I'm just..... too tired. Exhausted. Dry. Thirst.

Workaround

..::*+ Small Talk +*::..
Needa find time to blog about Kern's Weihnachtsfeier. Christmas is coming. My 2nd anniversary of becoming a follower of Christ is coming too! I want to celebrate it, but seems like by then I'll not have this 'private' time.

--

I still insist on my stand that we are all different;

You;

Me;

Them.

There are much more than what you can tell. You just have to open your eyes, and look further.

I tell you that having faith in things unseen is better than chasing after what can be seen.

I tell you that your concept is still wrong.

I tell you that in lots of situations, there's not only just ONE WAY to reach the same goal.

And I tell you that you that I got a feeling that I'll be sick tomorrow (or today).

But, no matter I try to picture myself to hate it, I still love the white snow, and I don't know why people hates it? Nevertheless, Heilbronn snowed today, and it's the best one I've seen in my life. Had fun in the snow. If only I would know to bring my gloves to protect the cold hand of playing with snow. Talks about timing. Sigh.

Badmintonlog

I'm recording my badminton progress from now onwards. Meaning every time gonna be serious training.

Find the report here. 

=) Today was fun. Lots to catch up.

Mess and less

Clearing up messes is never fun.

A lot to clear up. I'm only half way (or a quarter way?) through. But now at least my room is ready for study mood. Oh, maybe some Christmas stars decorations. A box of stars I bought from Ikea 2 years ago could be a good idea. Had been in-like of stars since kid. Because in the night, the star shines the brightest, and not depending on time, like the moon. They catch your attention. But maybe because it is a star, even if you really like it, the best way is to leave it untouched, because you'll never catch a star (logic). The best way? Be a star and shine.

But it is through these messes around I found back precious. I found back partially who I am.

A lot happened. And everything really drained me down to zero. Went to Obi and bought a super big whiteboard, just to write down what I want and constantly reminding myself of where I REALLY want to go. It's pain though, thinking that I'm wasting my time, again.

A long run, but I'm tired. Confidence is still a barrier in me. I just can't find the stable Fe-56 state out of it. Sometimes I get overconfident, and sometimes under. And then disappointments come. I realized that injecting non-basis hopes is a selfish, headless, and dangerous act, at least towards myself. I realized that one should measure its own capacity/capability/capacitance before jumping into something.

I'm ain't gonna make the same mistake again. Europe champion - I'm not yet but I will. It's such a sad story to open the Beautiful Memory book, and many of the contents are just something that made me sad. It was 1999 when I asked for the Sidek family and Nusa Mahsuri's badminton players signatures. I even got one from China coach. Not to mention he signed at my back of my shirt after 3 days clinique with him. It was then I said to myself, I want to become a good player too, like them. 10 years I've been delaying to push myself outside of what's given, what's comfort. In addition to that, 10 years later, I've decided to surrender to God my precious.

I'm a bit nervous now, actually. To think that 3 hours later I'll be on my way to badminton court and ask the Germans to train me. I'm not sure the outcome. I'm worried, but I no longer want to hold back. Because I'm not gonna let emotions to stop me. Because giving up something you love for someone and something else is just lying to yourself. Because I wasn't determined enough. Because it and you (and you) hold me back. Because I'm not a good gambler (literally and metaphorically), who will lose everything in the end. Because the two waves are never coherent. And because I easily heart-broken, disappoint and hope given-up. Because I gave excuses.

But because I know there's always some people who will back me up and support me throughout my hardships and uncertainties.

Maybe 21 is always a good start. And maybe 23 is the best and most significant number in my life. Because it showed the significant changes in my life. Until then we see. Wish me luck!

p/s: Got myself a Milestone >> so if you wanna know my current goal and pray for me, you can always refer to that.
p/p/s: Next week I'll start to build my 4 pillars. Thanks Dann =)
p/p/p/s: It made me realized that the one that you hurt the most is actually the one that you love/treasure the most. Cuz' you care ;)

My MVP Valentine

I don't why I went back to search this long time ago series last week. And the song just keep ringing in me.

thine and mine

thou shall not poke on something that is uncertain and vulnerable, because it bleeds and it hurts, a lot. Some joke there are that thou shall not make, for thy laughters and mine hearten breaks.

JS - Officially Missing You - Tamia (cover)

Ok this is kinda old, but it keeps ringing in my head =)

Subscribe them by the way, they're awesome!

JS - Officially Missing You - Tamia (cover)

[Verse One]
All I hear is raindrops
Falling on the rooftop
Oh baby tell me why’d you have to go
Cause this pain I feel
It wont go away
And today I’m officially missing you
I thought that from this heartache
I could escape
But I fronted long enough to know
There ain’t no way
And today
I’m officially missing you

[Chorus]
Oh can’t nobody do it like you
Said every little thing you do
Hey baby say it stays on my mind
And I, I’m officially

[Verse Two]
All I do is lay around
Two ears full of tears
From looking at your face on the wall (face on the wall)
Just a week ago you were my baby
Now I don’t even know you at all
I don’t know you at all
Well I wish that you would call me right now
So that I could get through to you somehow
I guess it’s safe to say baby it's safe to say
That I’m officially missing you

[Chorus]

[Bridge]
Well I thought I could just get over you baby
But I see that’s something I just can’t do
From the way you would hold me
To the sweet things you told me
I just can’t find a way
To let go of you

[Chorus]

Yeah yes
All I hear is raindrops
And I’m officially missing you

Because I trust..

Because I trust..

that You are the Lord our God,

that You died on the Cross for our sins,

that You are a God of love and just,

that You are always there for me,

that You want me to see the greater good,

that the only way for You to bring me up is to break me down,

that Your promises won't let go of me,

that all I have is given by You,

that we all love because You first love us,

that You never let me go, through it all,

I give You thanks..

for the lessons that You've been trying to tell me,

for You have sacrificed Yourself for our sins,

for guiding me through each and every day of my life,

for providing me peace when I'm worried of my presentation just now,

for asking me to be like You,

for Your forgiveness of my rebellions,

for never letting me go, through it all,

I pray to You..

so that You will continue to be there for me,

so that You will let me be more and more like You,

so that You will forgive me my debts,

so that You will be the One to make decisions in my all day choices,

so that You will reveal to me the plans that You have for me,

so that You will stay me strong in facing challenges in life,

so that You will teach me to see those that unseen,

so that You will give me

the strength that I need,

the motivations that I lack,

the courage to speak,

the confident in my actions,

the heart of love,

the faith I need.

May in whatever I do, the glory to be Yours.

kcisemoh

*why so sad blog?*

You know what, this morning I woke up, finding myself hugging one of my blanket. Felt lost, because I have to wake up from a sweet sweet dream. Thank you alarm clock.

sigh. I've been putting thoughts on who I want to meet when I'm back in Malaysia. I wrote them down on a list. And last night, my dream was meeting these people. And actually it's more than that ;)

Come to think of it, I've been looking at the flight confirmation letter often. And I keep asking around to meet up with people. Awww.. I miss home. Hmmm, where to go in Malaysia?

**

Last night Billy, James and myself made chicken rice. Although it didn't taste 100% like what we had back in Malaysia, but still, the taste is soooooooo nice. Aww.. I miss home.

**

The Koreans, the USians... they're having exams now. And they'll be back to Malaysia for Christmas soon. I'm envy of them. Aww.. I miss home.

**

I think it's last year since I had this strong feeling/ URGE to go back. I miss everyone.

I'm officially home-sick now.

I feel like packing up my stuffs and go back now.

Arrh. It made worst to think that I have to do a presentation this Friday.

Arr. Later got another tiring lab.

I miss home. Again.

If it is still worthy

I guess I must say I'm sorry.

Sorry, for causing you troubles.

Sorry, for taking back my words.

Sorry, for unable to be there for you.

Sorry, for teasing you.

Sorry, for gossiping about you.

Sorry, for I have lied to you.

Sorry, for I've failed your expectation.

Sorry, for showing that expression.

Sorry, for I chose to fall into temptations.

Sorry, for I did not obey You.

Sorry, for I couldn't forgive you yet.

Sorry, for being lazy.

Sorry, for being last minute.

Sorry, for being naive.

Sorry, for being such a hypocrite.

Sorry, for I am not who I'm supposed to be.

Sorry, for I'm not who you think I am.

Sorry, for you don't know me.

Sorry.

What I've learned this week

Prejudice
is what that is in people's eye of you

Label

is what you are tagged

Better

is what we all want

Others

is who we always wanted to be

Waiting

is what we all fail to do

Mind

is what others don't catch on you.

Me

is the only happiness to yourself

Give and take

is the balance in a relationship

Treasure

is what we realize after we lose something

You

is whom I love.

Understand

is what you have not about me

I

is tired.

I-O

If you see the limit, will you give up?

If you know the difference, will you stop trying?

If you realize that it is hard, will you push on?

If you understand it is impossible now, will you endure?

If you feel the pain, will you cry out loud?

If you are suppressed, will you still stand up?

Now if you look back, will you be proud of it?

If you take one step backwards, will you see the bigger picture?

If you have known the outcome, will you still give it a shot?

If you ever fall down, will you recall how did you fall?

Now if you understand this feeling, will you mixed up?

Or will you be still, and wait patiently and quietly?

Or will you trust in God for the things unseen?

Or will you remind yourself of God's promises?

Or will you seek Him first?

And will you say yes?

Good is God. God is good.

Today is a good day. A lot happened:

1. I felt really bad because I missed 1 class, finally after not-missing so many class. But...

2. My new guitar is on the way. Got it for nearly half price of the original price with first-hand product. Electric guitar and for the time being, maybe I'll just borrow amplifier from friend because money. =( And and and it's Made In Korea, so you know what that means. =)

3. I dared myself to challenge the best badminton player in my badminton hall. Although we didn't play a match and I know I'll surely lose to him if we ever play, but he was very friendly. Had strokes and yea, finally can see my weaknesses after being forced to run. That couldn't be seen through normal laugh-and-play with them. *Sorry*. Although tired, I mean really really tired, I felt good. I have not feel so much better since long time ago. It's like, you're being challenged, and you're eager to win. So you ran around chasing the ball. Doing tricks, dummies. I'll challenged him for a single match, when I think I'm ready. Will start improving myself by playing with Germans from now onwards. =D I should go profi.

4. This weekend we gonna have first ever HG-Meeting at Karlsruhe-Durlach. Apparently our Oracle is back in action, alive and kicking real hard so yea. OOOHHH, plus, hehe, you might get jealous by the following line:

Got Honey Star!!!!!!

But I need to remind Steph to bring. So please please please remind me to remind her to bring on Saturday night. =D

5. I'm still waiting, yet for some other good news. You want to tell me?

When you live your life focus on God, situations might be easier than you thought. Knots could be loosen before you notice them. Start small, think big. He says =)

Ciao~ Ohhh wait, you know how good is good feeling is? Lemme show you:

Identity v1.1 (20091111)

Version 1.1 (20091111)

..::*+ Introduction +*::..

A week has passed since I started my 'self evaluation and identification project' on myself. The due date is up, and I think I want to write them down here, for a recording, on today, 20091109.

..::*+ Notes +*::..

1. "The purpose of this post is to let you see who you are and how you overcome the weaknesses, not just a presentation." - Steph

2. "There's nothing wrong with hungering for attention. We just need to know to before that, hunger for His attention. The attention that the world gives, give it to Him." - Amy

--

So what I've collected so far?

1. I am a Child of God

I realized I'm actually being lucky and was given chance that I can be a Christian at this age. I felt lucky because I wasn't born in a full Christian family and that alone made me to make this decision based on my own's experiences of how real God is. One of the common 'threats' that 2nd and above generation Christians face is that because of the environment they're in, they don't really know if it's a self-conscious decision or not. And I am glad because I no need to go through that stage. And being a Christian, I know one of my purposes on earth is to be more and more like Christ. And I am forgiven, and loved, by a big big God.

2. I am a JPA scholar

That alone speaks that I'm not just alone lucky to be selected from I-don't-know-how-many people. I used to think that I'm not worth a scholar just because I know something went under the desk and if it wasn't because of that, I wouldn't be here. But further and bigger thought: If it is not planned by God to send me here, I wouldn't be here. And to think of how much I've grown after I left my house, I am a JPA scholar. And what does that mean? It means I am capable of doing what others had achieved here. And the reason of why a boy who scored 1st in nearly all Primary school years unable to be who he was in the past is simply because of laziness and distractions. And I know I must start working on in that area, and that means now.

3. I am the BEST badminton player.

To think back, I was one of the best in my training ground. I was ranked 2nd/3rd in Sarawak Badminton Association and I have the chance to train myself, which led me to who I am now. I was a 'Project Player' and that means I have the requirements to be the best. If I could rule my Primary School till Secondary School and even in INTEC, why should I minus the time that I've spent on badminton? In fact, giving up badminton training in early secondary school life, hoping to use the time for studies, was an excuse. I could've been selected to play in sport school. So, since I've come so far, and knowing I can go further, and I feel good every time I play, why stop?

4. I am no longer just 晴天

Yes, my song is not just 晴天 anymore. And I know I've been given chances and opportunities to grow in my guitar skills. It's not a time to let go. It's not a time to waste another chance. I will continue to learn guitar.

5. I am not ready for her.

This is a topic that my mentor discussed with me long ago. I know who I love and I know I am not able to handle a relationship if I'm not ready. And the fact is I'm not ready. So, if I am not ready in those fields, I will work hard on them. That involves improving myself, to be more responsible, caring, loving, understanding... Basically becoming just like him + sensitivity. Seems far.

6. I am a sensitive person

I know what you think, I know how you feel, I understand the situation by your words, your reactions, your actions, your speeches. I observed things that he/she/they doesn't/ don't. So maybe this part is too strong and I want to minimize a little, so that I can be a counselor. I think I'm half of it since I've already a secret keeper of many people. I will work on in this area, parallel with this God-given personality, to help other people. That means I'll have to learn more so that I can give correctly.

7. I am a friendly person

Yes, people always say Kuchingnites are friendly and yes it's true. So, having a good born social skills, I guess all I need now is to work on how to use that as an advantage.

8. I am always to be someone I'm not

In other words, I'm not being myself. This is true, and a lot of times I felt bad about it, but sadly, it's really a fact that I made myself into, and it started since secondary school. I think I'm just like Little Jenny Humphrey of Gossip Girl and I guess I know how she feels. I always try to change myself so that I could fit into a certain group of people. I act strong but actually I'm weak inside. I always try to be someone else. Maybe that answers my questions a lot of times, thinking why I didn't feel the peace or happiness after doing something. The worst thing was, I chose not to be myself. Maybe I forced things too hard to happen rather let it naturally, that people could see that I tried too hard for something.

9. I get influenced easily

I get influenced easily by people, happenings etc and lots of times they just get heated and chilled in blinks of eye. I think this point is a little related to point above. Come to think of it, this is already a threat for me because a lot of times, I think this really caused me pain in the ass. Learn to cook, learn piano, and a lot of stuffs more... I think those are just because-others-can-do-it. Are they really what I want to learn? I doubt myself now. So, I need to settle down on those childish thinkings and be real on what I really want. I tried to come out with this kind of list, but in the end, after few hours I found myself writing and deleting points. He warned me to guard my heart. Although there are a lot of lines that I will not cross, but I guess I've been influenced to cross a lot and come to think of it. I felt bad.

10. I like attention

I seriously think this is true and it got proven last weeks. Yea yea, showing off doing tricks and unnecessary dives in badminton. I like when people watching me play badminton. And I tend to do skills to impress others. I also found myself sitting in front of computer, waiting readily to chat, or viewing xda-developers every 10 minutes and expecting people to reply my posts. He said I'm afraid of loneliness. And although I always denied, but deep inside, a heart felt guilty. To think of it, I know attention is not important and it brings harm more than good, but still I do it. It has something to do with background though, since I always got attention in primary school times. Come to think of it, although I appeared to be preferring to serve off-stage, I want to be on-stage with something I'm good with.

11. I don't take risk

Although there are times when I just jumped into something that I'm not sure of, most of the time I am a bit reluctant to do things that I don't know how to do. I think maybe this has something to do with perfectionistic, as in I want to either: 1) do it and do it perfectly, or 2) not to do it at all. I think some of you also already observed this in me quite long ago. To put it in another view, I think the reason why I don't really putting superb effort in study is because I know I'm not as good as them. If it's something that I don't know how to do, you won't see me having the motivation to do it. I don't play Zergling Rush in less than 5 minutes, but Goliath Rush and after 200 max food limit reached and having perfect defence, which explain why it is always nearly 2 hours of Starcraft gameplay. It's also true generally for every other strategy games that I played. Else I feel insecure.

--

..::*+ Changelogs +*::..

Version 1.1 (20091111)

-Added points 8-11

-Thanks to Amy for the (not so) small testimony.

Version 1.0 (20091109)

-Initial version

-Thanks to Steph, Michelle, Dann, and myself.

New Bottombar =)

As you can see, I've changed bottombar into something else, no longer from firef.ly. Haha, hope you like it =)

1. Join me at the FB community down there.

2. Follow me on Twitter down there. =)

Hehe.

Quit Trying to Please Everybody

September 23, 2009

by Rick Warren

"It is dangerous to be concerned with what others think of you" (Proverbs 29:25 GN).

When we worry about what other people think, we let them control us. We waste a lot of time and energy trying to figure out what other people want us to be. Then, we waste a lot of time and energy trying to become like that rather than just being what God made us to be. You're manipulated and controlled by somebody else.

Worrying about what other people think is dangerous because we're more likely to cave in to criticism. It means we don't always do the right thing; instead, we do the thing that everybody wants us to do.

And we're in danger of missing God's best because we're so worried about what other people what us to do that we can't stop to think about what God wants us to do.

• Fact #1: You cannot please everybody. Even God can't please everybody. One person prays for it to rain; another prays for it to be sunny. In the Super Bowl, both teams are praying that they will win. Who is God going to answer? God can't please everybody. Only a fool would try to do what even God can't do. You can't please everybody.

• Fact #2: It's not necessary to please everybody. There is a myth that says you must be loved and approved by everybody in order to be happy. That's just not true. You don't have to please everybody in order to be happy in life.

• Fact #3: Rejection will not ruin your life. It hurts, sure. It's not fun. It's uncomfortable. But rejection will not ruin your life unless you let it.

Quit trying to please everybody! Remember that nobody can make you feel inferior unless you give them permission.

The Apostle Paul says, "If God is for us, who can be against us?" (Romans 8:31 TEV) This means we can think like this: 'God likes me, and I like me; if you don't like me, then you've got a problem. If God likes me, who cares that everybody doesn't approve of everything I do.'

Remember, nothing you ever do will make God love you less. Nothing you ever do will make God love you more. He loves you completely right now.

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Identity

I was there.

We were walking.

With our usual conversation.

The one-to-one heart talk.

I felt I'm charged with energy every time I talked to my mentor. But at the same time, I felt down about myself, considering what I had done in my life and comparing to his. We were at the same start line of the race, yet he is now far away and nowhere to be seen. Of course, at a point I'm very glad that God didn't place me through some swarm of toughnesses of which others face. Somehow, at the other point, I feel I'm far from God's standard. To summarize this feeling, it's best described as:

I'm not negative, nor am I anywhere positive.

So this week our walk consist of one topic that I rose. He mentioned this before about this threat long time ago and I still remembered I denied, kind of strongly. But today, I felt ashame of myself. I think I am facing identity crisis.

I always want to be like others. I want piles of friends. I want to play good badminton. I want to learn guitar. I want to learn piano. I want to study. I want to grow stronger in my faith. I want to learn Korean. I want to learn Japanese. I want to shoot nice photos, which come to the idea of getting myself a tempting Sony Alpha 550. I want to become a tutor. I want to become a good CG leader. I want... It doesn't matter what I really want actually, I noticed that these are what others are and they are nice and so I want them.

Of course there are lots of contributing issues and motivations here but I'm not going to talk about that part. What I'm thinking now is more further than that:

What do I really want?

Until now, I don't really know what I really want. As I've been telling people, I'm good in badminton is because the enormous amount of time that I went through, that I became one of the best, and one of the proudest things in my life.

To think of it, it was already an issue ever since I stepped into INTEC. It's just that I wasn't even care to think about it. Now that I think back, I find that, I've been switching myself to satisfy everyone around me and definitely that is not a good feeling. And definitely, I couldn't satisfy everyone; there's nothing like the so-called perfect, other than God.

During the heart-talk, it was really hard for me to tell out things like this. Things that I'm ashamed of myself. Things that have been hiding inside me. It's not the toughest feeling because I know I'm still keeping a dark secret that I can't overcome now. But anyway, he nearly managed to make me cry again.

What I noticed in my life is that I've been trying and working hard to please people. I hate confrontation. Just had that last week and I didn't feel good about it. And pleasing people doesn't make yourself your identity. Of all things, I would just lost my identity in the end.

He once said that

we the scholars, coming to foreign countries to study, is not just about studying but also self-reflection.

I know my life has changed a lot ever since God stepped officially into my life. And I've been through and still going through ups and downs in life. And yet most of the times, I think I'm the one who added burden onto myself.

Does polar bears get lonely?

He said that I'm afraid of lonely. Although my heart is denying, but I feel God is trying to tell me about this. He's not the one telling me to accept his point of view. Michelle's PM also talked about accepting comments and critics from others. And I don't think this is a coincidence.

Which comes to the point. I want to put down everything for a while. I want to stop chasing after unworthy things. I want to stop acting. I want to be myself. No, I want to find myself first.

One can gain your identities from various ways. Of course, what you are doing now is one of them, but I tell you that it won't last forever and I'm sure your heart is not at peace of it. Each and everyone of us can acquire our own identities through various ways. First one of course is given by God. And God created each of us very uniquely that we have our own identities. Second one is through our hardship. We form our identity in ourselves through the effort that we put into things that we want to see to be happening in ourselves.

I want to find back my identity that God gave me. I want to outline who I want to be. That's why, I've decided to put down things that I have on my hands, the silvers and the talents in my pockets, and this heart. But to look to God, look inside of me, and search for myself. Consider this week as self-reflection week. And it means I'll cut off from internet surfing, chatting, etc.

"But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well"

Matthew 6:33 NIV

I need to nail that into myself.

Heal my heart and make it clean,

Open up my eyes to the things unseen,

Show me how to love like You have loved me,

Break my heart for what breaks Yours,

Everything I am for your kingdom's cause,

As I walk from earth into eternity.

--

Finally edited a photo, after 3 hours.

Once Is Enough

Has been deleting posts lately. And yes, I deleted this post. Again.

Thankful

I never really have a time when there're classes from 8am until 7pm, not until today. I'm mentally, physically, tired. I could have just skipped the last class, which was only a tutorial. To be honest, it was a struggle though, as the time approached. A lot of us decided not to go, and I was having that thought. I prayed to God shorty, hoping that He will show me what I should do. And somehow, I heard a voice calling in my heart, saying that I should go.

So I did. And at first in the class, I was tired, and the tutor taught extremely fast and skipped big and lots of steps during the calculation. I was nearly lost track. But then, God opened my mind, and without realizing it, I was on track in the class. He spoke in unclear manner, like Jay Chou, but somehow I still could get what he's teaching after 15 minutes. In the end, I was very satisfied that I went for the tutorial. It was in deed fun, looking at complex mathematics but understand them all.

Again, God works with miracle. All you need is to ask, and He promised that you will find.

Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened.

Matthew 7:7-8

God works amazingly. And to Him I will give my praise.

=)

To come

Tired, came back from lots of places. Ok this is the list of places where I went to:

1. Diehl Defence, Überlingen - weaponry where I learned that a missile cost millions.

2. Ravensburg - Just walked around the town.

3. ZF, Friedrichshafen - Speaker who don't know how to answer our questions =S

4. Climbed mountain in Allgäu.

5. Galaxy Thermalbad, Erdlingen - So called biggest thermal bath with slides in Europe. Oh yea, also the place where I knocked my head.

6. MTU Aero Engines GmbH, München - Where I see all the engines for flights. The company is supplier for European countries' air defence.

7. BMW Innovation and Development Centre, München - Know why a single BMW costs like SOOOO MUCH? know where did all the Series created? ALL here.

Well, I'll compose a post of this excursion trip as soon as I got all the photos from my classmates.

Trip trip

Well, going a trip to Friedrichshafen and Munich so won't be around until Friday 18:00 GMT+1. If you miss me you can always reach me through my phone ;)

See you peeps around!

Android on Blackstone - the Prelude

you know what is "impossible is nothing; nothing is impossible"? Today I saw it. Android in Blackstone by Tuxhero.

Although it's still in Alpha stage and there are still a lot to work on, but well done to all those that worked hard for it. And to those who thinks it's only a talk... haha, here's Android for you =P

Here for the download

Here for the xda-Developers thread.

Good job and keep it up.

tick tock.

For every choices that we have made, there are price to pay.

Not a choice can make everyone happy, we can only keep the dissatisfaction to the minimum.

We placed our living time as the mortgage in exchange for experiences, but are we gaining them equivalent to the time we spent?

We're not as young and lovely as yesterday. I talked, but if I didn't do it, what's the point?

And in the end, those who succeed in life are because they're ahead in steps. But am I? Maybe that proved my failures.

When one thing came down, there are price to pay. You'll be looked down, laughed at from behind, or criticized. You will hear them directly behind you but you just can't say anything nor defend nor explain yourself.

You can do nothing, but to taking his advice, to keeping quiet, to prove you are better, the next time... Maybe that keeps one going. Maybe that kills one too.

I... feel the stress. Don't pick up if you cannot sustain. But if in order for you to move forward, picking up is the only way, thus you have to choose what to give up. Then it loops back to the first question.

I hope I made the correct choice. I'm not superman.

Nuch And Markus's Wedding

..::*+ Small Talk +*::..

LoL, after reading what I wrote, I feel like I supposed to give this speech like Chuck Bass did for his father during the wedding. You'll follow what I'm talking about soon.

----

When the first time I met him, he surely left me the impression of being loud, and perhaps, acting like a kid. And so I was placed under his house church. And so the process of knowing each other grew.

He is a wise man. A follower of Christ, a faithful one. As a leader of MM-House Church, Markus Motz really guided the fellow sheep towards maturity in Christ. As one of the first-and-a-half-generation of church members, he had brought up a lot of potential people. As a teacher, I learned a lot about God from him. As a flatmate of Daniel, well, I always anxious when overnighting at Dann's place because Markus will always ask me to sleep in his room instead of Daniel.

"Markus, du frisssssst!" - Markus, you eat (people). "Du frist immer noch =P"

Here is my seat =)

He is a great leader. I remembered last time when we (as in me and the Oracle Jia Jin) talked about leadership, and he told me that Markus is one of the good examples, especially in leading younger baby in Christ. And on the 3rd Oct 2009, he became a man of a family, and for sure, he will become a good leader in his family, and in the future, a wonderful father.

Take my hands and dance with me

He picked the date 3rd October, and it's more than just a normal date. It's also the unification of Western and Eastern Germany, or the Germans call it "Tag der Einheit". As for him, a marriage of two different souls separated by a very far distance. To be exact, he took Nuch, a Thai Christian, as his wife. Think about the distance, think about the troubles that they went through before finally being together, and most of all, think of how God worked His plans out for the two souls. Ahhhh... Simply amazing! How great is our God, amen? =)

Although it was a seriously heavy and tiring day for me, because I worked for the technics and sounds during his wedding ceremony, but all these tiredness were simply paid off by the smile one the face of both of them. In fact, as Nuch walked into the church, Markus was crying, tears of joy. And by the time he hold her hands, his eyes were red. I felt stressed throughout the whole day, some sound-system error, recording error, slides error, cable not enough long error... But in the end all these were not even worth to be compared to the joy that they have.

"I will be with you forever until the day when Jesus comes back for us."

I... really liked the song 月亮代表我的心. I played guitar while Long Yun and Dann sang the song, in conjunction with Mooncake Festival which happened to fall on the same day. The wonderful melody and the praises that I received... Awwww... Not to say I'm proud of myself but sometimes, things like this are like the motivation for me to face all the sours and failures. It's like the light in the dark. Normally, for some talented people, these praises might just be another-praises from other people, but for me, my heart lifted up. The thinest ray of light can only be noticed in a dark room. That's best described what I felt.

At first, I thought that they are a bit too fast to get married. But then again, God proved me wrong, and proved me wrong again during the dinner. They played a game to test how well they knew each other, and although they're not facing each other, they got the same answers. =)

Oliver and his team as the "Quality-Control Officer"

Markus is someone who is very caring of people under him. I remembered that he always called me during friday prayer meetings to check if I'm going and if I'm not, he'll ask for reasons. Honestly at first I felt very annoying, but later I realized that this is his strong point - a responsible leader. He might sometimes to be pictured as the bad guy, but in the heart of people who know him, he is not only just wise, but also very nice person to everyone! I'm sure he'll soon be proved as a great leader of his new family.

To the happy couple, cheers!

NnM

post number 300 =)

Me attending Nuch and Markus's wedding ceremony now. Now I realized that the "ladies first" rule applies here. NnM =D

Oh yea, with my handsome freshly cut hair =)

See ya folks around.

EDIT: OHHH, happy mooncake festival! And happy reunification day for Germany! Tag der Einheit =D

. . . _ _ _ . . .

..::*+ Small Talk +*::..

After nearly 3 days back from Italy trip, at first I thought of blogging out the trip. But then again, I will only blog about it if I'm able to cope with things that are choking me, near to death.

-----

So such a long time since I last drown myself into my pool of thoughts. Today Roy and I went for badminton. I was and I am still sick. But I glad I went. Because I realized something, something useful.

People always be great. There are people who are genius and successful. There are people who are not that smart but also successful because of jackpot luck of life (yea everything happens for reasons, I know). But most of the success people don't fall in either these two categories. So where are they? It is my belief that they success because they know what they're doing, but of course, also God's will.

Talking badminton, I need to be a bit prideful. Ahem. Okay. A lot of people praises me for marvelous (they did say this) badminton play, in fact I was tagged before as the benchmark to overtake, in badminton of course. Anyway, after nearly a whole semester not touching a racket, I came back tonight in action. And like polishing a rusted knife, it was a pain in ass. I got frustrated when I was playing normal warm-up strokes with Roy. He smashes, I defend, shuttlecock goes into the net. He drops the shot, I return, shuttlecock goes into the net, again. He lobbed it to the back, I return with a drop-shot, the shuttlecock goes into the net again.

Sorry about the badminton terms, but my point is, can you feel my frustration? I mean, come on, as if the shuttle is a metal-headed cannonball and the net is made of wires charged, becoming temporary magnets. But nearly an hour after that, I began to catch back the feel and touch that I once had before. And it was AMAZING.

So as I was playing, I discovered that actually I'm not good in this sport also (wow I said that), as in, come on, I'm a skinny (okay, maybe no longer skinny, touch wood.), talking about returning shuttles with bony wrist. But then I realized that I win points because I was trained before and most importantly, I know what shots the opponents might return. I was there one step ahead to wait for the shuttle to come for my next plot.

Amazing, Qi Hao revealing his secrets. So let's adapt this into our lives. Exclude those exceptions, successful people success because they plan their steps one step ahead of others. They know what is coming, they know what they will react to it, and they know also how the upcoming thing will respond. That's, maybe, one of the reasons people like Bill Gates (hope I didn't bring wrong example here) successes in life so much, that most of us wish ourselves to be enough just 1% as success as him. If you go deeper into his life, you will know how brilliant he is in growing Microsoft. Oh a side note, not the Microsoft nowadays, I meant the WindowsXP era.

So coming back into my life, I find that I am not person who plans for the next step, except in badminton. Okay okay I'll stop that part. I am not the person who knows what is coming and how I should deal with it. So back to my old-time quote: "I didn't know what I should know". In fact, a lot of times I am struggling just to catch up with things. My mom even used the word "brush-up", no offense, mom. I am always behind time, and after I catch back in time, I cross my leg, sitting pretty, as if I own the throne. And what's the best part of MERELY sitting on throne? When you fall from your seat, or dethrone. A fall from first semester, so I worked hard to be back in shape in the second semester, and third semester I screwed up again. Even people around me are more worried than me, as if they are the one failed subjects. Oh I remembered that scene - "DO YOU UNDERSTANDDDDDDD!!!?" by someone. But me, I don't know, maybe the phrase saying not-knowing-hell is best described.

That's the thing I want to change. And I know I've said it every time I fall, which is, maybe hundreds times already? The thing is, I did bad, then I caught up, then I fell back into the hole again. I wish I know the pain so much, that I at least have the phobia not to fall into the pit again. But worst, most of the time I was proven to be consciously dive into the pit that I've noticed. Like Adebayor stomping Van Persie on the recent football headnews. Like stepping into the land-mines. What you get?

Kaboom.

Nice sarcasm now get back to the point. I don't want a life just to catch up after falling behind. And I don't want a life that after catching back with time I chill down and return to the original state. It's like the electron in its orbit. After given certain amount of heat, the excites and jumps to the next energy level. And when the internal energy is gone, they return to the same state. Yes, chemical flame test I'm talking about. Sodium burns with intense yellow. Just that I don't emit that intense yellow result.

In the end, the point of the story is, I know this is another determination of mine, and I know I am super energetic to do this. And I know it is going to be a painful, long process. I want to do this. I want to throw away that unwanted characters. I want to develop the Fruit of the Spirit. And I know I can change. And I know it is hard.

I don't know whether this time is going to be a success or not, which I hope it will. But I do know that I'm serious about this this time. So, if you see anything that might help me, please save this poor. If you see I wonder to the wrong sides, please detour me to the right one. If you see I'm lost, guide me back to the path. If you see I fall into darkness, light my path. If you see I'm demotivated, please cheer me up. I know ultimately I'm the one who should be the one executing everything. But like a troop of army storming the front, they need eyes lockdown, or better, a Warpit. Okay okay that's a Call Of Duty 4 term, eye refers to sniper, and Warpit is an army tank. Please support me. I'm like campaigning for the upcoming Germany election.

Gonna need a lot of strength, and may God bless me.

Hello world!

hallo im in rome, blogging thru my handy. just wanna say hi, so hello! =)

bis heutige Zusammenfassung

Know where this is?

Most of the times we know what we should do and what we shouldn't. Same case goes for me. But after days of activities, it's time for me to settle down, and reopen this pensive to store some life's journey. Well. It's been quite a long long long long time since I last updated this blog with useful informations, let it be my thoughts, or daily activities. It was soooooo long, that I couldn't recall what was the thing that I last updated.

Heilbronn ice-cream is still the best.

No no, not because I'm getting tired of this blog. No no, it's not because I found something new to spend my time. Arh. Fine, let's go back to the point.

I think I'll just make a summary of what happened from the last time I updated my daily activities until today:

-

1. European Leadership Conference (06082009-09092009)

errrrr.

I guess this was one of the 'refreshing' time for me, after all the exams and stuffs. Well. In this conference, I was reminded of how small I am compare to God. I think, I got proud of myself because of last semester. I think getting 1,0 for Mathematics 2 made me proud. I realized I have this ego, and like adding oil to a flame, people around me keep on talking about that so called achievements. Although in between I sensed the sacarsm, maybe resisted the first, second, third times... but in the end, I began to felt proud. As well as being tagged 'Oracle-to-be'. I know that's sorta joke but well, I fell for it. That's when I was in the conference, when Pastor Simon from Malaysia talked about being a leader, and I awaken from my disillusion. I felt like wanting to cry out loud, but the other half of me was laughing at me for being so childish. I held the feelings back in. Anyway, I learned a lot during the conference. And, although it was seriously direct after some humty-dumty-sit-on-the-wall-humty-dumty-had-a-great-fall feeling, I felt lifted up, once again. God is good, all the time.

Photo irrelevant to current topic.

Not to mention the great leaders whom I met throughout the Conference: People from all around Europe and special guests Pastor Simon and his family were also there in Berlin. Still missing his Malaysian-style preaching though. What touched me the most throughout the teaching was the topic 'how leaders fall'. I guessed I bingo-ed all the ingredient to fall. Lessons learned, and I just wish people around will still have the trust and give the chance for me to fix things up. Sigh.

Brandenburger Tor.

Things in between I forgot, the following was last week.

-

2. Stuttgart/Heilbronn/Heidelberg/Mannheim/Bochum/Essen Trip

Heidelberg Alte Brücke view

hehe.

KaiChiat from ADFP.

Elo =D

Yea, being scolded for this funny unplanned trip. It's like... On Sunday after church we went for karaoke and because of that it was too late to go back to Heilbronn, so I overnighted at one of my friend's house. Then friends from Mannheim decided to pay me a visit, so after I reached back Heilbronn on Monday, we met up and I brought them around my town (or is it called 'city'?) and then back to my hostel. After some packings I was somehow dragged along with them to Heidelberg to walk around and then continued up to Mannheim. Please refer Google Map. This was where the funny part started. I thought I overnighted at Mannheim then Tuesday could go back, but in the end being invited to join the Mannheimers' journey to the north. So we went to Bochum with ICE using Jian Nong's Chibo ticket. We crashed at Eric's place. Well, I was sooo sure I've seen him before but oh well. Anyway, both he and his wife are great persons, not to mention great cook. Yes, they can cook very well. Professionals. Not just that, we also travelled to Essen, since we've been to Düsseldorf for quite some times already.

So why Essen? Well, as name stated, we went for food. Not just food, but Chinese Dim Sum. The last time I ate was like... VERY long time ago? Anyway, here's the Facebook link, and to tell some people that not only them can show off some nice nice food. Then we went to Ikea, which the funny thing is, my Garmin XT didn't have it on map. Weird. After came back from Essen, we cooked Rendang on the next day. Ok they cooked, not me. And some sour sour along with 水饺. Arhhhhhhh, at the first glance it might be a bad choice to go, but it turned out that I gained some experiences that I didn't expected. Not to mention some bond-building in friendships.

Cuppy cake-cup.

Kai Chiat was here. She came from UK. It was some great time spending with her, after some years didn't see her. LoL. We might met each other again later in Italy, and Yen Zhao, Etong, Jian Nong, Melina too!

Voon Satu Tong.

-

3. Karlsruhe

I took the early train from Bochum back to Heilbronn to help my Mentor Jia Jin to shift his stuffs to Karlsruhe. Well, since that day, he's now officially Karlsruher. During the ride (yes he drove) we had our one-to-one plus half session, Daniel Tang as special guest, whom we called and talked during the car-ride. Oh well, he's as emo as ever. Ermm... not emo, but he's like 24/7 picking fights with everyone lol. That day I reached back Heilbronn around 10pm. Tired, exhausted, and marked the record that throughout the 7 days I had not even 6 hours in Heilbronn.

-

4. Saturday, Heilbronn

Had a goooooood sleep until 12pm and woke up to start on my preparations for worship session on the next day. Googled some chords and skills and techniques and mp3s for the five worship songs:

1. Open The Eyes Of My Heart

2. Because He Lives

3. So You Would Come

4. Mein Jesus, Mein Retter ( My Jesus, My Saviour)

5. Your Love Makes Me Sing

And around 4pm took train to Stuttgart for the practice. Then we took out the 4th song and added in "The Reason That I Live". Went and overnight at Esslingen again.

5. Sunday, Hoffnung Stuttgart

Sunday went to church. Well, I'm still as nervous as ever, especially I wasn't performing well during the rehersal. But praise God, because I managed to play the guitar without mistakes.

To be honest, that was another confident boost in me. I felt more energitic, more confident in doing my stuffs now. Praise the Lord. Praise the Lord.

--

On a side note, during the one-to-one session, Jia Jin mentioned that my weakness is to blame on other things but myself. At first I wanted to argue, but then I hold it back, because that would be the proof that I'm blaming on other things again. Yes indeed, without knowing it, I built this bad habit inside of me; whenever something happened not as what I planned or expected, I would blame on other people, other things. Blame on classmates, on comrades, on the ICE train, on bus, on schedule... anything but myself. It was good to be tipped because personally I think this is seriously a dangerous habit. Although I heard lots of times that God let things happen for reasons, only we are the one should be aware enough to pick them up. And I recalled what Stephanie taught me long long time ago, that we are all like the radio receiver, and God is constantly broadcasting His Words and teachings, what He wants us to change, etc etc. The only thing that we are to tune in to His channel. It's pointless if God change his frequency to match our receiver but we change our receiver again and again. In other words, not sensitive enough to God and ignoring what He wants to teach us. Instead of blaming this and that, I was reminded to think back of the things that happened, and think why it happened, how it happened, and what God wants to teach me in the situations.

The question is, how to tune in to God's channel? It's simple because you can check if your receiver matches God's frequency by asking yourself, "how is your relationship with God?" It's another question that really poke my egoness. I found that, I'm not as close as I used to be with God anymore, comparing to last year. Which is why, I want to regain this relationship with God, once again. I don't want to wander away from His presence anymore. I want to live out His way, His Truth and in His Light. I am working on it.

Korean bear... Oh you know why.

--

As I rehersed for the song "So You Would Come", I couldn't stop to praise God that He is indeed the mastermind behind everything that happened. Everything was done so you would come. During the house church meeting on last Sunday morning, Stefen asked us to think about our B.C., Cross, and A.D. What does that mean? It means life before knowing God, the journey knowing God, and after accepted the reward - eternal life. As for me, I find that God indeed prepared a lot so I would come to Him. I mentioned before last time, and yes, until now, I still find it amazing how God works. We might be someone successful, or someone at the gate of dying, but come to the Father, though your gift is small... Broken heart, broken lies, He would take them all...

I want to go back to that kind of feeling. After wandering away, I want to come back to God.

--

Some song still ringing in my head:

Hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah, Your love makes me sing~

Yes You make me sing~

Lord You make me sing sing sing~

Yes You make me sing~

How You make me sing sing sing sing sing.....

!HALLELUJAH!

Jesus, You are the reason I live woooohoooo o!

Jesus, You are the reason I live.. YEAH!

Jesus, You are the reason I live wooo hoooo o!

Jesus, You are the reason I live....

YEAH!

Sorry too excited. Hope this long post didn't take you too much time to read, and thank you for reading.

Love Story meets Love Story (Taylor Swift Remix) - piano cello - by Jon Schmidt

down.

sorry folks. No internet. So be happy if you can see me online. =)

To Jonathan Lee (1986-2009)

Hey,


The memories when we first met still lies in my mind. You know, the first time when I settled down my emotion that Germany will be a great place for me is because of you. I remembered cleary that my mom told me that there's a senior also from Kuching studying in Germany but not in Baden-Württemberg. And I thought that might be a thin chance to meet someone outside this state.

That was my thoughts when I was back in Malaysia.


Then, God surely knows how to throw me surpises and yes, I actually met you. I still remembered that we first met each other during Das Festival 2008. That time I felt how to spell h-o-m-e for the very first time. To have someone back from the same hometown Kuching, that feeling was certainly clear and will be remained clear in me. It certainly a thin but significant chance. You know, Das Festival 2008 was special to me because of you. I still remembered we talked about Kuching while eating the fruits dipped in Chocolate melt. Well, I treasured that moment a lot, because so long, so long I had none to talk with about Kuching. We chatted. We laughed. We talked about the best things in Kuching. We talked simply about Kuching. About how you were told that a junior from Kuching was coming to Germany and how I was told that a senior was studying in Germany. God drew both of us close together.



That was the Festival 2008. On the last day I actually prayed that we would be meeting each other in Festival next year (2009). Then... you got cancer. Although we did not go through a lot of stuffs, but I do dear you because we from the same hometown. After all, it is a fact that Kuchingnites are most friendliest people in Malaysia, or the whole globe, I dare say. It was a shock for me, because I never expect people in my generation to leave us, forever.

But if our good Lord calls you back, He must have prepared something else for you. Your 'departure' is certainly a huge lost to people around you, for you are a great person. I still remembered during Festival you became my translator to understand Pastor Marcus Rose's sermon. I still remembered the fun times when we jumped across the yellow fields, doing different expressions, different styles, burst shots, timer shots... Yes, I remembered them clearly. You will remain as one of the best seniors who I've met in Germany.


I respect you, Jon. You showed a character of a man fighting the hardest and suffering battle in life at such a young age, something that I really respect you for. Rest in peace, bro. It was really an honour and privilege to know and meet someone like you. Your presence will be missed. I feel sad whenever I think about you, but I also feel happy and proud because I got to know someone like you. Rest in peace.


God bless,
Vincent

Browser - I know. What about you?

Originally from stiucsib86

Watch this.

Restless rested.

Hehe, guess what, the holiday starts today.

Actually it started yesterday. But I spent my birthday night rearranging my room. Yea, you can call it a change in FengShui but honestly, I don't believe in those things.

Anyway, finally I can have a good rest, after so much of works and revisions. I'm not expecting good results, as I've screwed up the very first paper and thus had a bad start. Well, I don't know. But I guess, yea as I turned older, technically we're growing older by every small increment of time, or dt. Sorry, stucked with those terms quite some times. ANYWAY, as I turned older, I noticed some 'aging' signs in myself:

I was chatting with a friend that day about how I tend to lose memories, either short term or long term. Well, I remembered vaguely that I asked her before when she is going back to Malaysia long time ago. But that day when we chatted I asked this very same question again, and if I'm not mistaken, the same very words. Then I was like, deja vu (whatever you spell it), "a black cat passed by and then another same one..." "Is it the same cat?" " I don't know.."

No no no, I'm stucked in Matrix again. I mean, I felt like I've asked before but I couldn't retrace the answer. Sigh. Felt awkward when I asked her again. Maybe one day I should buy myself a rememberal ball, similar to Neville Longbottom's. What's wrong with me?

Secondly, I noticed that my over-clocking potential has dropped tremendeously. Seriously, I recalled that last time my maximum power (work done over time) is around night time, but nowadays, I got myself a big headache instead. And then I told myself, before sleep, I will take a aspirin pill, but guess what, the problem 1 occured and I totally forgot to take medication. LoL.

But I'm happy, now that my room is once again tidy and clean. Even the air also nicer. Feel like opening up my windows, but it'll also mean that tomorrow I need to clean up my room. Germany is dusty.

Anyway, finally have a much deserved rest, throughout the weekend. Monday I need to start on my programming project. It must be done in next week.

H.B.

can anyone say that to me...? LoL.

My heart can't wait

My heart can't settle down. Keep thinking about after exams... I want:

1. Go Sweden and then London with Billy

2. Go ELC Conference in Berlin

3. Work (that is also if they hire me)

4. learn Programming

5. improve my guitar skills (to tackle girls, jk)

6. recording this Friday (you people get prepared!!)

7. etc

that is also if I survived till Friday. I got warning by the Oracle, and somehow I doubt I will survive till Friday lol. Please no thunder on me, oracle.

hehe. Ok. Ciao. Exam in 3 hours. Wish me luck. See you all on Thursday!

Wedding - precover

I'm going for pastor's wedding. Will be playing in a band!!! Wish me luck! Hehe.

C-i-a-o!

Geht's nicht gibt's nicht. ROAR. lol

Oright lads we're into optimized mode.

Which means this blog will become silent mode for some times.

Professor Rauschnabel said to us, " geht's nicht gibt's nicht".

I like. It somehow motivated me, lifted me up in stressful times like this.

Let go let's go. Wish me luck in my exams!

Thank you.

OMG I CAN'T SLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP.

I want to sleep.

my HERO?

SHE MELTED MY HEART.

READ... then watch the video. I love HERO.

Here.

Contacts

today I ate full nothing to do (direct translate) went to sort out my hotmail contacts... guess what,

800++ contacts --> 684 contacts.

Sigh. Life is difficult when you want to organize up things, and in this case contacts. Some people have 6 contact cards of which all belong to the same very person.

Heck.

=.=

1 hour plus gone.

RENTAP2 Badminton 2009

Guys (Left to right): Pau, XY, Siew Chun, NG, Yeen Chow, me, Hon Fai.

Girls (Left to right): JingXin, TT, LaySean, Francillina.

Memories.. a droplet.

When you wanted a bite but you chocked yourself in the end as you striving so hard towards it.

There will always be next time, next year... At least I'm young enough for that...

But knowing who you can put trust on, who are true friends that will give you a hand when you almost drown yourself with workload, who will give you a pat in shoulder when defeated, who will laugh with you, who will say sorry for mistakes they've made...

Or who will betray the trust you put in them, who will fold up their sleeves and watch you drown youself with workload, who will celebrate because you're defeated, who will criticize on your management, who will never say sorry for mistakes they've made...

Priceless.

At least I know where these people stand.

Organisation is not about being solo-king. It involves a team of united-spirit people. I know who to choose now... for my coming plan to organize another competition =P