Haunted by NightmareS

Oh man.. This is seriously worrisome.

For the past few days, 2 days to be exact, I kept having the same dream:

My family and I live in a house that I never seen before in my real life. It has 2 entrances: one lead to the common room and another goes down underground to the garage. 2 days ago I dreamed that we are at this house and 2 intruders came into the house. And we were awakened by their noise and somehow, mom and dad were at the downstairs of the 2 story house, and they managed to shoo the intruders away. I remembered clearly I woke up my brother so that we can go down together from first floor to see what happened. Here's something weird: The outside-built staircase to downstairs and the view was exactly the same as the older house that we ACTUALLY lived. The landscape was 100% same. On the way going down the staircase, we saw the 2 intruders going away. So we asked mom what happened, and she told us they were looking for something, and apparently they're quarreling with their neighbor of the other side. Now then I realized, they were my neighbors. And somehow after that I was awakened by my alarm in reality. But that time I was kind of afraid though.

Okay, then 1 day ago, I dreamed the same dream, again. But extended version. After the conversation with mom, we went back upstairs. And another noise from downstairs! This time when my brother and I went down, mom and dad were already there, again! *I wonder why the progression of the dream so weird* But this time it's worst: My dad had bruises on his face, sign like people after getting punches in the face. And we asked again, and dad explained that he and mom was wrestling with a robber, but in the end we won, of course. I was thanking God *yes in my dream* and went to the garage downstairs for some reason that I don't know, randomness I guess. I exited from the door and saw mom, dad and brother were changing the landscape of the path, and so I asked again. Dad said that we have to prepare the water flow system so that the rain that is coming soon would not flood the garage. I was like "okay....." and gave suggestions of how to build the overpass over the drain. *Can you believe that!? And again, I was woke up by my alarm clock.*

And just now, I just being scared awake by the SAME DREAM with extended version of previous day. So we build the drain together. And after that we went in using the entrance that led to the common room, remember in the first dream? It's exactly the same view can?! Everyone went ahead of me, and when I was about to enter the house, a little kid and a baby of about 3 years old whom I never seen before in my real life suddenly ran out from the entrance. And the baby was pushing the round thing that babies sits inside and they can move around without knocking themselves... I don't know what it's called but you know what I mean right? So they two ran out and ran along the steps in front of my house and played with each other. I somehow decided not to go in, but instead sitting at the steps, looking at them chasing each other.

And after a while, both of them ran into the house in hurry, as if something was chasing after them. They had fear in their look. And the baby wasn't in the round thing anymore; he was PUSHING the round thing so that he could move faster to get inside the house. For some reason I went down to the garage again, and found my brother sitting inside the Smart Car. He threw a black bag-pack containing something which I felt extremely valuable, I didn't know what's inside, to the back seat *Smart Car has no back-seat by the way*. But there's a rolled white paper believing to be around A2/A1 size sticking out from the not-fully-zipped bag-pack. And he asked me if I want to follow him to park the car. *here makes no sense, as in, we're already in OUR garage, why were we getting the car to be parked at SOMEWHERE else?* but anyway, I nodded and we went together. We drove like 3-4 minutes *and I seriously remember the scenery along the road; it somewhat looked like somewhere in Kuching*, and we found a parking space. But we decided that it's too far from our home.

But then brother drove to that parking space, and he said he wanted to get something for dad. Well, quite make sense, because what I saw in front of the park place was a Buddhism temple,written "*something* *something* 佛心". He left the key at the starter and went out. My natural respond was to lock the car for safety reason. Then it's like few seconds after I pressed down the lock at driver's side *another not making sense, because the driver seat is at the left*, someone opened my car's left side backseat's door. I turned around and saw him reaching out his hand to grab the bag-pack. As soon as he touched the bag, he just hold it, and glanced at me with evil grins. I was scared, but I reached out my hand to grab the stripe of the bag, and felt weird why didn't he just grab it and run. Then another person appeared out of nowhere and open the driver-seat's door. He was holding a swiss knife (the red one) in his hand, pointing at me, signaling me to keep quiet. And I heard the door at my side opened, and someone grabbed me around my neck and locked my head with his elbow. 3 of them were laughing, I was struggling to cry for help. I shouted my brother's name once, but no voice came out from my mouth. I shouted again, no sound. I shouted "炳翰!!!!!!!" *my older brother's name* the third time, I heard the voice, and I think I scared Billy up. Oh God, I actually shouted in Billy's direction in real. I was awakened straight.

He acted nothing happened,I guess. Or he might be thinking 'what the freak?'. I got up, prayed like 2 minutes quick prayer to God, and came over here and wrote this down. But seriously, what was this all about? Seriously having a mixed up feeling. My heart still pumping fast, even after I wrote out all of this. As you read along, if you find some place a little not real and not matched, it's because I was awaken time to time, so of course there're some parts that I forgotten or half-awake.

It might sound like I made story out, but seriously, it was damn real and repeated exactly the same thing and I still remembered the whole story clearly. It freaks me out. What a nightmare. Err, no, what NIGHTMARES are these?! =.="

What's the moral of the story by the way?

Breathless - Taylor Swift

Well, if you ask me, I'm not doing okay.

Thank you, Amy, for (attempt to) cheer me up; which instead frightened me =.="

"You must suffer!" - John Piper. Go youtube it.

Sweat.

Anyway, I like this song. And yes, I am studying, just came across this by chance. But it's nice!

Breathless - Taylor Swift in album Hope for Haiti Now



[Verse1]
Here you are now
Fresh from your war
Back from the edge of time
And all that you were,
Stripped to the bone
I thought you'd want to know


[Chorus]
When you feel the world is crashing
All around your feet
Come running headlong into my arms
Breathless
I'll never judge you
I can only love you
Come now running headlong
Into my arms
Breathless


[Verse2]
Lay down your guns
Too weak to run
Nothing can harm you here
Your precious heart
Broken and scarred
Somehow you made it through
I only ask that you won't go again

Chorus


[Bridge]
So glad to see you smiling
It's so good to hear your laugh
I think that you've found you even missed yourself
I'm only asking this b'cause I think that
Truth be told
Oh, you'll never go again
Again

Chorus


[Outro]
So when you feel the world is crashing down
Would you come and run into my arms

I smile

1 down. And I thank God because I was able to do it correctly.

Today I helped a granny up into the bus. She smiled to me. And I gave her one also as return.

Today is somehow kind of different. Because today is also the day when I try to be cheerful. And it works. In a weird way.

There's this someone, as I was eating in the Mensa, he just came over, look around and gave me a smile and said, 'gute Appetit!' which means, err... 'have a nice meal' or something like that.

I smiled back, of course. It's just that, it's weird.

Light is my heart now.
--

Settled nearly 40% of my plans when I'm back in Malaysia. Kind of happy of it. First time I'll be doing something like this... like, traveling the south Peninsula myself. Not really myself, but.. yea you get my point.

Germany --> KL --> Kuching --> Singapore --> Johor Bahru --> Negeri Sembilan --> Shah Alam --> KL --> Kuching --> KL --> Germany --> Cardiff --> Germany, for good.

And hopefully 3 gold medals. =) I still need my double partner. Anyone...?

--

Just received my new accommodation contract. I'm moving!!!!!!!!!!! to next entrance. LoL. Need to pay €40 more per month. But it's definitely a chance to form a ministry home, with James, for now. Maybe Billy too. We'll see. But it's definitely a dream that I have since last time Jia Jin and I hunted around to make this dream a reality.

--

If only there's always someone who whisper in my ear that, "It's okay. It's okay to cry. Because we are able to," perhaps then I need not to run away and hide. I'm hiding no more, nor I'm running away and blaming. 2010 is the year when I pick up my messes, stop blaming other people, stop avoiding them, and take responsibility of them.

It's my fault alright, but I'm not gonna blame you.

--

Maybe those religious leaders in Malaysia can ask themselves, "what are we fighting for?" Maybe they'll understand what my feeling is. Continue to pray for our country.

A smile.

Tired of trying. There're things that hopeless.
Tired of waiting. But I have to wait. No matter what. And screw that.

I wish I have my smart-ass mind like in Primary school times. But well, as have said, it's Primary school time.

I'm like a plastic - I'm fake; hypocrite; procrastinator.

I have low melting point; meaning I cannot handle much heat.

I have exams, and I'm worried. sigh.

I guess I should try to smile. I missed my childhood smile. A lot. When you need not to worry what or how others look at you. Smile. Sigh, I can't. Not now.

One day... one day. One day.

Soundfabrik 10

It was last Friday. After my class, I went back straight home, and loaded my bags into the car rent by Jia Jin. Then off we went to Netzschkau!

During the journey, James asked, 'What if there's snow-storm out there?', and soon enough, the snowflakes rate increased. Thanks, James. =.=" During the journey, I felt a bit shocked. Yea, I've seen in movies about cars lost control and turned rounds and rounds, banged the signboard at the roadside, air-bag released and in the end the car upside-down. Well, we saw a car upside-down, with air-bag released, and one of the supporting legs of the signboard few meters before was banged off. From how the surrounding looked like, it's like a fresh accident. Hmm. It was kinda scary to think back. Well, we did see another accident. It was indeed a worried journey, but praise the Lord, that we arrived safety.

And so we were at Netzschkau and joined people from all around Germany, Switzerland, and Czech Republic. At first I felt a little uneasy, because all these people are really good in music. And since I have no musical background, it was kinda hard for me to imagine myself working with them. But God just changed that worrisome into admiration in a swift of time, mainly because they are all people of God. They're talented, and I mean really talented, and also friendly.

The Nashville theory wasn't a new thing for me, as I've learned those from a music theory e-book that I've downloaded, and also from Jian Nong. But to count real fast, I still find it difficult. Of course, dealing with C-Major progression and you tell me to name randomly all the chords for 1-7, I have no problem, but transposing using that.... I still needa work out, as in faster. But nevertheless, I really thank Lord for James and his fast-and-'lazy'-but-correct way to remember all the 1-7 progressions of different family.

We had 4 workshops all together. Saturday morning we had music theory, then as newcomer, we went for teaching of biblical foundation of praise and worship. And then the 2rd session I didn't go for any workshop, but went to the jamming room and tested out my baby white. Yea and soon enough, as quoted from Jia Jin, 'she was 'abused' by a lot of professionals'. Haha. Then that's how I realized how wonderful she is. =)

And we had chance to practice transposing using Nashville system. Hahaha, that was hard. But I like Chrissi, she's very patient with me, despite my slowness in transposing. =) And then the next workshop I went for instrument try-out, also in the jamming room. For the first time in my life, or maybe the second, I tried to play drum. Haha, that was seriously harder than I thought. But after a while, I picked up a little. But then they decided to try-out 'One Way' instead of 'How Great Is Our God', so I felt very sorry as the tempo went all wrong. *sweat*

For the last workshop, I went for guitar-session with Kajin, another wonderful person. I think I mentioned him before in my blog. Anyway, learned open chords from him, and and the reasons why it's called 'open' and all those sus2, sus4, -2, -7... etc etc. And we practiced with metronome. It was seriously hard to follow the tempo, when the tempo is reduced. I don't know, but I think for me, I'm used to the song 'This Is Our God' by Hillsong so when he purposely wanted it to play in slower tempo, it's hard for me. Haha. 60 bpm. Gosh. But it's something to learn also - how to keep the tempo =)

On Sunday we did feedback and evaluation for the camp. It was surprised, although I should have already used to it, that they could give constructive criticisms and comments of the whole thing. I was a little sad, but happy at the same time, because these wasn't happening in Malaysia. After being in foreign land for some time, I really see that Malaysia has a lot of room to grow. That's the happy part. The sad part is that the respond isn't that positive; the intention of all changes were good, but the responds were bad. And all these were accumulated from the past, it's just that people keep it quiet. And I'll leave this now because it's a hot topic and maybe I wanna blog about my personal thoughts about it in the future, after exams of course. We'll see.

Overally, I met a lot of new people with various talents. I felt I'm the noobest there : ( But then  I learned a lot, and I'm on-fire to learn more about guitar. Yes, I wanna master it. But too bad not now, and a week has passed, and I touched my first love only once.
I hope she won't be angry with me. LoL

That's a quicksum of everything. Soundfabrik was fun! I still remembered my aunt told me last time, that after guitar, I should consider to go for drums. Haha. ::roll eyes:: Maybe that's what gonna happen in the far future.

That's a pretty nice bridge, no? =)

And I better off to play with programming with MuPAD now. Got a practical exam no Tuesday! Wish me luck!

pre-update of Soundfabrik

Soundfabrik was fun. Will update soon on it =)

let's make some noise to touch God ;)

stay tune for updates.

Nexus One (edited)

picture credits to techtree

Now everyone has been talking about it. Only few months after the era where HTC HD2, the successor of my HTC Touch HD, dominated the mobile market, and 2 days ago Google, with cooperation with HTC, launched another new phone - Nexus One. HTC has been working hard to beat other major handphone producers, such as LG, Samsung, and of course the forget-me-not Apple's iPhone. My personal opinion is that if we are only to shrink down to hardware comparison, the HD2 definitely is leading the race. But then I think it didn't really beat iPhone was because of the software part. We all knew the flaws of HTC's Sense UI 2.5 under the Operating System (OS) Windows Mobile, and that's where the dragon loses it's flame-burst to win all-in-all against the iPhone.

So this time, the rather new sword was put aside and Google had drawn out another claymore, the Nexus One. Basically if we look into the specifications of Nexus One, it is much similar to that comparing to HD2:

Display: 3.7" AMOLED vs 4.3" TFT-LCD
Input Sensor: Multi-Touch capacitive sensor

EDIT: Just realized that despite it's capacitive sensor, multi-touch is not enabled in Nexus One. Maybe developers will do something on that. But well, it has the trackball already.

CPU: Qualcomm Snapdragon 1GHz
Memory: 512 Ram
Connectivity: WiFi, GPS (+A-GPS), Bluetooth 2.1 +EDR, etc

Looks much or less the same to me, but when it comes to OS, you can notice which is better:

Operating System: Andriod 2.1 (Eclair) vs Windows Mobile (WiMo) 6.5.1

This alone will make Nexus One becoming the real competitor to iPhone. Why? It's all because of Open Source, as promised by Google when it formed the Open Handset Alliance. They don't hide anything behind the stage. They allow people to modify the source-codes and tweak it to improve its performance. In short, there're places to grow for Nexus One. This is the major difference to HD2 and with Android, the developers from Apple would sweat more than ever.

But of course, we see people from Microsoft are retracing the steps to the point where they lost the footsteps, and that was quite a great move. If they keep on being proud on WiMo as how they were (are?) on Windows, they are to fall real hard to the point where WiMo is no longer significant in mobile world. This is true, by just looking at the hardware specs of HD2. Yes, both Nexus One and HD2 have the same Snapdragon 1GHz processor. But with this processor it is actually possible to process videos up to High-Definition (HD) quality - 720pixel. It is not a full HD, but still, it's already something. However, Windows Mobile 6.5.1 couldn't recognize HD, so it was actually a waste of the processor on such-a-good device, especially when you're putting it to the 'battle front line' to have a head-on with Apple's iPhone 3Gs.

I guess Windows didn't and will not suffer such a great lost mainly because they had strong foundations before the rise of other operating systems and people especially those in businesses and companies are using Windows OS as platform for data storage and so on. But this safe-zone will never apply to the mobile world. But of course, Microsoft people realized that early enough, despite it was kind of late ;) , to start developing better OSes to continue to stay in the league. Sony Ericsson has started to produce their own platform and the incoming one would be the Xperia X10, which will also based on Android. Microsoft, on the other hand, with their development teams (COM1 to COM???), starting to create another weaponries - Windows Mobile 6.5.3 with Start and functionalities buttons at the bottom screen with better Graphical User Interface (GUI). And on top of that, although it's not official, we heard words from insiders that Windows Mobile 7 (W7) might come to surface in 2nd or 3rd quarter 2010.

It's not officially released, but I'm currently using a WiMo 6.5.1 rom on my Touch HD and I personally think that Microsoft has indeed reached out a huge step. Congrats. But to be honest, it's not significant enough to even give a scratch on Android 1.0, what else more on Eclair? Nevertheless, there are still people, people like me, putting hope into Microsoft, that they will not disappoint us in W7. But how it'll turn out, we shall see, but too bad, not so soon *rolleye*

We expect good 'fights' between Google Nexus One and Apple's iPhone 3Gs. Now, in every fight, all we need is some other elements, for example kerosene (paraffin) to turn the flame into a beast. But instead of kerosene, we have Steve Kondik, webname Cyanogen getting his hands laid on his on-twitter-so-called 'Bacon One' few hours ago, so we can expect not just sparklings, but might be explosions with his modded ROMs in the near future.

Apple, maybe it's time for you to drop down from topping the tree? Just don't drop on another Newton, else we might need new Physics textbooks ;)

I just realized I'm so excited. =D but it's not like I'm getting one Nexus One. =S

or someone buy me one? =)

=)

雨后总有晴天，
就算再大的狂风暴雨，
乌云也永远遮不住温暖的太阳!
天降大任于斯人，
必先苦其心志，
劳其筋骨，
饿其体肤.

weirddddd.

beloved HD is dying. =(

2 Forced-hardreset in 5 days.

What's going on?