the end of another chapter of life

..::*+ Small Talk +*::..
Finally, exams are over. Theoretically I need not to go for classes from now onwards. But I'm not so sure if I'll want to take some other subjects to cover up all the bad scores I got this time. Oh well.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

These few weeks were some chaos for me. I found it hard to struggle through each day without worrying for my exams and I think I worried too much to the extend that it affected my performance in exams. I watched 3 Idiots that day and it was sort of a reminder for me that I was focusing the wrong direction. I shouldn't study for the exams, but to study for excellence.

"Study to be accomplished, not affluent. Follow excellence, and success will chase after you."

Rancho

Well, true enough, a lot of us study just for good grades. We read past years and we memorize everything there. But in the end it is still down to one point - do we know what we are doing? I still remembered I wrote that question on a piece of paper and sticked it to my monitor. It's easy to get swayed away from what we should do. And since I have issue with concentration, it is always a good reminder for me to focus on what I am supposed to do and worry not about other stuffs.

"So do not worry, saying 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?'. For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."

Matthew 6:31-34 NIV

Despite so, we as human flesh tend to worry much about future, even the next seconds, minutes, hours... These verses tell us exactly to focus on Him, who is the alpha and omega, the past, the present, and the future. He is in control of things that happen around us, so it's useless to try to change our future that the current 'we' do not know about.

--

Meditating each day on the book "My Utmost for His Highest" by Oswald Chambers induces my brain to think critically. I still remembered I was praying to step out from my baby faith and to begin a deeper level of Christianity life, and this book really feeds my need. It is highly recommendable for those who are praying for a leap to a deeper faith. This is the second best gift I have ever received! Of course, the best gift is still the salvation =) Thanks Pat!!

--

Finally can relax a bit of life before I continue to finish up my "Laborarbeit". I'll be meeting my professor on Thursday so until then I'll have some time, maybe to clean up my room (oh yea, it's VERY messy now) and catch up with my family members (I missed out a lot of stuffs!) and some brothers and sisters in Christ. Well, from 1st of March onwards it'll be my official start for my 'working' experience, and oddly I'm very excited and looking forward to it. I was quite happy that I can do my internship until September. In between I'll have plenty enough time to step out, especially during summer time when tons of friends from different places will be here for visiting.

--

I'm still unsure if I should go for badminton tournament in Cardiff European Games and also Grenoble Games. It's always my interest to meet new people and meet new challenges, after being crowned as (actually fake) European Champion -___- but the timing is just bad. I mean real bad: 19th of March. I've been asked by the Malaysian-Germany Student Society (MGSS) HiCom to represent Germany to be our contingent leader. But then it's like it is 3 weeks after I start my internship and it is supposed to be the time for me to build my steady image in my boss's eyes, so that I can possibly have a place for my Bachelor thesis. Oh well. Pray pray.

--

..::*+ Random +*::..
I just realized I'll be 23 this year! I feel so old. Oh and happy belated Valentine's Day to everyone.

--

..::*+ Creepy +*::..
It seems to me that our frequencies are not coherent. I want to feel like this every time I converse with you. But you seem to be otherwise. Oh well, schade.
--

CEG 2010 - some pout

I just came back yesterday from London. Despite all the laughter that I had on my face, actually I was quite down.

Some people consoled me that I'm just being unlucky (again!) to meet an opponent who later turned out to be the champion in the badminton competition, so it's okay. But deep inside me I know my performance. I knew how badly I did. I knew I was 'owned' by him total. Pure and total ownage. One of the biggest
ego
pride-element in myself is that I don't like being treated by double standard. And yes, purposely making mistakes so that I could gain some points challenged my pride. But seriously, I performed badly. Consecutive of unforced errors really worried me and pissed me off. I'm really lousy to the maxxxxxxxx.

And well, my eye-sight is getting blurry and that alone made me to pay its heavy toll. Firstly, I was in new environment. Secondly, my reaction time increased due to 'lack of vision'. Thirdly, crowd pressure was something I've been learning, and failed to overcome it, especially when the crowd intervened during the decision making of the linesmen. And not to mention my own judgment. Certainly that shots were out of the line, but some people said them to be in the line and that really pissed me.

----

Furthermore, I hate people abusing laws and rules. Yes alright I know that was a mixed-double match and female partners are usually weaker than the men so that's the weak-spot of a team. And also the blind-spot of the entire mixed-double game. If you use that kind of advantage to earn points I could understand, but if you're using that to win, I find it very ethically low. Even if you did perform 9 out of 10 smashes to my partner, I'm still satisfied. But if that's a 100% abuse, I seriously think that they're not worth of my opponents. What's the different then compare to 'spawn-kill' in a FPS-game? And then again, it was from the same guy who intentionally judge the wrong lines who told the opponent as we were winning.

In terms of skills, I seriously out-matched you. In terms of professionalism, I out-do you. In terms of ethics, you're low. And they did make it to final, by abusing that blind-spot. I hope they didn't win. Because this act doesn't worth a medal.

He felt proud. The ego when he won against me. I pity his partner. She was really sweet and I didn't want to abuse the weakness like he did. And if I really did aim only her, she'd most probably ran out crying. I can do body-smash if I want to, in case he didn't know.

For the record, he didn't break any rules. It was fairly just and there's nothing wrong with that. But if you're only following laws without being 'human', maybe you should know God. And I seriously mean it.

--

In the end I lost. Yes that's a fact. If you ask me, I'm not ashamed to admit that. Just that I've played badminton for years so I know the act in a game too, not just swallowing the rule-book. I wonder why the Cardiff people, the players and the supporters, proud of it.

I'm not blaming anyone. It was entirely my mistakes for the lost in the Men Singles game, because I did lots of mistakes. But it was because I hold on to my principle that I lost in the Mixed Double. A part of me told me I should've just do the same thing as he is. In a way how I wished that time that I was cruel person. Then again, that isn't me and I don't want to add another new entry to my 'unforgettable bad memories'.