Vincent: February 2008

I won’t be impatient;
I won’t be greedy;
I won’t give up;
Because
everyone takes things step by step.
I’m not the only one in pain; Not having
other people understand; Not understanding others; Both of those are
awful.
My life is like a blossoming flower. From the start of my youth,
I want to have no regrets and treasure it;
Okkasan, in my heart there always
exist the Okaasan that believes in me; From now this point forward, I leave it
to you. I’m sorry for always making you worry.
This disease, why does it
choose me?
Fate, it can’t be put in words. You can’t make people accept
it.
I want to make time machine to go back to the past. If it wasn’t
this disease, maybe I could have succeeded in love. I wanted to be hugged
tightly by someone. I really want to be.
I already don’t want to say
that I want to go back to that day. I want to accept the me right now. And
live on.
Even though I will also be hurt by those heartless glances, but
also, I understand that at the same time gentle glances exist.
Even though
it’s like this I still want to be here. Because here is the place that I
exist.
What’s wrong with falling down? Because as long as I stand up
again it’ll be just fine. If you look up the sky after falling down, the
blue sky is also today, stretching limitlessly and smiles at me.
People
shouldn’t dwell in the past. It’s enough to try your best in all that
you’re doing now.

Why didn’t I watch it earlier? Why didn’t I have that motivation to find this real-life-based drama earlier on? Why she still can write out these powerful and meaningful words, as she drawing near to the gate between living and death? Why am I, a healthy person, never try to realize something like this?

Sometimes I think we don’t really appreciate what God has given us. It’s true that human are born with better brain and intelligence. Indeed human is better than animals, but have we try to be much better than animals? How much have we tried to learn about our lives?

God has given us great opportunity to learn more about life, yet we failed to manipulate what we have. We failed to learn the meaning of our basics. Ever think of why we exist? Why and what do we live for? We go to school every weekday. This is a fact that we all know. But why do we go to school? Most of us never think of that. It's just something that government make it a must. Yes, some of us know that the purpose of going to school is to acquire knowledge. But think again. What knowledge that you gain today, when you go to school? Have you really aware of what have you learned and why do you learn them? Do you ever ask yourself? Nowadays we go to school. Yes, we go. We do go. But does your heart really want to go to school? If schooling is not a must, will you still go? What I’m trying to pass over is that, to me, our mentalities are wrong. In our daily livings, we do a lot of stuffs mostly because it is a must, something forced by someone. We don’t really think of ourselves. We go to school because the government says that all children should be sent to school. I feel regret that I did not observe my past carefully. As the result, time just flew by me. I admit that I have lots of past memories that I wish I can go back to fix it alright. When I was a prefect in primary school, I accidentally knocked my metal ruler on a girl’s head, just because I that time was angry of another student who keeps on talking in the class? When I was young, I got hyped about extreme-bike of X-Game in the television and I tried to imitate them, which in the end I fell down and was left with a deep mark on me that nearly changed my whole life? When I was in Kapit, I almost gave my coach a cheek-shot by smashing a shuttlecock right at his face due to my playfulness? I remembered these scenes. I remembered she turned around and shouted “ouch” in front of me. I remembered my countless times of sorry I said to that girl. I remembered that mark on my body. I remembered how much tears and fears after I fall. I remembered how he shielded his cheek with his palm and after that his angry face. I remembered the evil laugh of players from other divisions. I know that what passed is a past. That’s how time passes right in front of me. It is a story that I’m keeping away from you all, for now.

Anyway, I guess most of us notice that time’s travel is proportional to our age, meaning, as we grow older, we (will) notice that time ticks with faster tempo. But think again, does time really ticks faster? The fact is no, it doesn’t. The oscillation of atom, which is used in standardizing time, is constant. This is a fact.

But why then, we feel that time is accelerating? No one really knows the answer, and I guess there’s no black and white explanation for that, yet. It’s all about feeling. But to me, I’ve been thinking of this for quite a long time. To me, the reason is that we’re growing up. If we don’t grow up, I guess the time will flow with constant speed, which is relatively impossible, although time actually travels with fixed speed.

As we grow up, we get matured. We learn to think, to judge, to express. Later on we learn to have dreams, have goals, have wills; and we’ll try very hard to pursue them. We try to catch up things that are in future. We hunger. We chase. As the result, we care less about what we have in the present and chase after our dreams. We become a dreamchaser. We strongly wish that our dreams can come true. That’s when time accelerates. Yes, we are the one that accelerate it. We pay less attention to what we have today. We don’t appreciate today, but to hunger for that promising tomorrow to come. This is human’s characteristic. As I said, our mentality is wrong. I’m not suggesting that we should not have dream, nor shall we go after only our future. I’m talking about the balance between these two elements. Only with the balance between them two, I think our life then can be meaningful.

If only we all know how to appreciate whatever that we have now, and thanking God for them, I think we can have a better life. How to appreciate things around us? I guess by paying just a little bit more attention on surrounding, we are showing the simplest form of appreciation. We show our concern about things happen around us. We observe what we are doing very single day. We learn to control our mind, instead of letting our mind wonders around without purpose. We must learn to say “get up” every morning instead of letting your desire to sleep more conquers you. We must learn to think before our action. Sometimes I really think if I could control my mind that time, I won’t accidentally hit her head with the steel ruler. And be thankful every day. Learn to say “God, I thank You for all the great things that have happened in my life so far” instead of “God, why do You treat me like this?” Be aware also that everything happens because of God’s will. God has always prepared a good plan for us, so be patient. Today you might fall down. Don’t blame God, for that fall you learn how to be stronger and tougher. Today you might suffer a dreadful illness. Don’t blame God, for during the period of the illness you learn to think about and care for yourself. So look down on your feet, before aiming for the uncertainties.

Dreams, goals, wishes, desires, aims, targets etc are all connected to future, that is, something that we cannot 100% sure they will come. Everyone should have them, but not hunger for them. As mentioned, it’s enough if you have given your best effort in doing something. We mustn’t always win and success in whatever we’re doing, because to me, what’s more important is the essence of the journey towards your goals. It’s all about what you’ve done; how you’ve done it; who you’ve done it with; when you do it. To me, the path towards success is sweeter than the success. Success doesn’t teach us to grow up, but the journey provides us with experiences, encouragements and strength to go for victory. Therefore, learn to know that you have dreams and surrender everything else to God. Everything is under His control. To be honest, He has done lots of miracles in my life, although I’m just officially a Christian for about 3 months. Miracles that makes me 100% trust him. Miracles that I will proclaim that God is real. Miracles that let me feel thankful to the Father that draws me near Him.

“No one can come to me (Jesus) unless the Father who sent me draws him, and
I will raise him up at the last day."

John 6:44

So dream on, but don’t let your dream becomes your master. At the same time, appreciate of what you have, so that you won’t regret on the day when suddenly you realize that things have been taken away from you.

Vincent

Okie, these are all the photos uptill today. Enjoy =)

-----------------------------------------------------

Sinsheim Auto- und Technikmuseum (20080224)

-----------------------------------------------------

Sinsheim Auto- und Technikmuseum

Chopper~

Tank

1 of 5 of Concorde of the world

the 2nd of in total 5 in the world

Ferrari family

Cool? This car is the one of total 2 cars of this kind in this world =)

Concorde behind us

I'm going in!!!

Inside the Concorde..

------------------------

Bus riot (20080222)

------------------------

Oh ya, Germany also got strike/ riot. The bus drivers claimed that they're not paid well enough. So, they "mogok" and don't want to drive until 10am. I exercised to school because of them. Bravo =.="

Busses

Busses again

---------------------

Huh? (20080218)

---------------------

Actually I also "huh" at this. I don't know why, but the Germans suddenly driving around in cars with flags. If not mistaken I think they're cheering for their Ice-hockey team. Not sure though.