第一个清晨 - 王力宏

..::*+ Small Talk +*::..

他要结婚了...

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[Verse1]
光投进爱 把梦刷白
舍不得你会醒过来
不要现在 昨夜走太快 哦…
说不上来 隐隐藏在胸口一块
吻你脸颊 证明此刻真的存在

[Pre-Chorus]
是你让我相信爱 对我慷慨
是爱我们是注定不是意外

[Chorus]
这是爱 我们的爱
还不确定却好实在
把你贴在胸怀
静静的代替表白
才不愿放开

这是爱 给你的爱
没名字却停不下来
在忐忑里期待
雀跃中想到未来是你我才明白
这就是爱

[Verse2]
但梦还在
小心不让你醒过来
也许现在
就是永恒的未来

[Bridge]
第一个我们的清晨
迷人和默契都是你的
无限可能
言语都显得太肤浅

Here's to a quarter of century

..::*+ Small Talk +*::..

Sometimes the reason is simple, it is the inability of human by default to see the future - that's the thing that makes 'future' sounds so scary. I don't want to change the status quo that I'm experiencing. Despite the fact that changes could be good, I would like it to stay as it is now. It's not because I don't want it to be better, but I don't want it to be worse.

It is indeed such times - this kind of dilemma - that we, as Christians, choose to have faith in another divine power - God. I choose to believe that He is in-charge.

Despite the fact that my own desire is to be with you right now. It is because I love, that I understand now that, giving without expecting even a return is so hard to do.

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It is after a quarter of century I slowly don't really care about the amount of wishes I get from other people on my birthday. Or rather I don't want to care. I was clearing my mailbox and for sure the amount of Facebook notification emails was lesser compared to that of last year. The very one whom I desired to hear a wish from didn't wish me. It didn't really matter though - because I have been living in this world for a quarter of a century.

That means something.

I would say my greatest birthday gift was the experience that I collected in the past few weeks. Experience and the encounter with God. I took my initiative, to take back up the cross, and put it across my shoulder. Quite literally, actually. I bought a non-metal necklace, put in the cross I bought more than 6 years ago. I picked up my cross. To walk again alongside with Him. To read on His Word. To reflect upon myself. To listen back to the prophecy that was spoken to me...

So real, God is.

Imagine that you're about to take an exam. And you have been studying since a week ago. But you understood nothing. Even until 4 hours before exam. You woke up. You just prayed, "God, I would really need some comfort now." Then you open and read your devotional material. And God said, the storm that seems to be too big for you, it's just a small fragment of issue compare to the great big picture that God has for you. The timing couldn't been better.

God is greater, in short.

25 years old. Life seems a little different. The journey has changed its course. 

God remained faithful.

Despite the very late timing, happy birthday to myself!

Prequel - Quarter of a Century

..::*+ Small Talk +*::..

Treasure it, for you won't know when it'll be taken away from you.

Perhaps it has already been taken away.

You can't please everyone. But you can choose not to be affected by them. Coin is yours. Whether to flip it or not at all, it's really up to you yourself.

It's not like I cannot identify who these people are, but I want to treasure every single one of them. If then, emotional disturbed is what I get, I rather walk away, this time.

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Early doesn't mean it's kidding.

Today my house church celebrated my early birthday with me. This is the first time celebrating in a new house church. It feels different.

The fact that the exam period starts few days before my birthday really make me not really in the mood to celebrate. Six years of birthday celebrations were all combined with post-exam party. This time it is different. New people. New surroundings. New friends. New university. New life.

A new life of perhaps running away before I could stand up strong to face some unsettled things.

Nevertheless, I want to make it right, this time.

This time, I want to be strong.

This time, I be different.

You gotta love that smooth mango cheese cake made by none other than Sally!

Unexpected dinner treat of Pakistanis' awesomeness of Pulao Briyani. Yummy!

How nice of friends who made sushi for me because the restaurant that we supposed to go and celebrate my birthday unexpectedly didn't open during lunch time.

The spicy syrup drink by the Pakistanis housemate

Oh yea, I haven't claim my free Starbucks drinks. Will go tomorrow.

Well, actually all of these I could post after the big thing. But I think I will forget it if I don't record things down. Suffer minor short-term-memory symptoms already. Talk about aging.

So this is pre-birthday celebrations!

Here's to quarter century of my life on earth. And many many years more, before Jesus's second return!

And yea, I should blog more. Before memories fade away. :/

[Updated] Timing

why am I so disturbed about my future..? Is it because I want to know it now, instead of allowing You, my God to have Your timing?

I worry, because I have only a year more before I come to the end of the study - come to the conclusion of study life and the determination of whether I should stay in Germany, or go back to Malaysia for good.

I worry, because I want to know the reasons and begin to work towards it; to prepare for it.

But, God, why are You not speaking to me?

Why can't I hear anything from You?

Remove any disturbances that could keep me away from hearing from You, for my heart desires for You and to do Your Will.

How to seek Your Kingdom and your Righteousness? You're the lamp of my feet, I pray that You will guide me to Your perfectness.

In Jesus's name,
Amen.

update 20130709 - talking about how real God can be...

Making the Most of Your Time (Joyce Meyer: Promises for Your Everyday Life)

Time really does fly, doesn't it? On the other hand, in some situations, it may seem like time crawls! No matter how fast or slow it feels like time goes by, each of us only has a certain amount of time on this earth. With that in mind, I want to ask you, what are you doing with your time?

Time is such a gift from God! I see every day how He takes His time to make us what He wants us to be. And then, in His mercy and grace, He gives us time to get in agreement with what He's doing in our lives so we can experience His goodness. What a loving God!

So, ask yourself, "Am I in agreement with what God is doing in me? Or, am I struggling and fighting, impatiently trying to do things my way?"

I can assure you, if you're struggling with God, you're just wasting your time, but if you're in agreement with Him, you're using your time for great things.

Remember, God is gracious. He takes His time. We might think He's taking too long when, in His goodness, He is just waiting for us to line up with the work He's doing in us. He won't rush. He is patient. Our struggling only delays our progress.

So maybe this is a good time to change your outlook and start looking ahead to a new way of doing things, a new vision for life, a renewed faith and trust in the One who is always at work in us, and always for our good.

My encouragement to you is to trust God and spend your time getting in agreement with what He is doing in your life. Let Him define your purpose. Know in your heart that He has great plans, and no matter how much time He takes, He loves you, and He always has your best interest at heart.

Prayer Starter: Lord, I want to spend my time agreeing with, not fighting, the great work You are accomplishing in me. I thank You that when I start to waste time, You always remind me that You love me and that Your timing is always best.

He is so real.

She was Mine - Aj Rafael (ft. Jesse Barrera) [Music Video Comp]

..::*+Small Talk +*::..

Seems like it's been awhile since I last posted something right? Well, basically nothing much to blog about, other than, well, I'm sick. But though I'm sick I received and still receiving so much love from lots of different people.

Not really the same love I'm feeling now, but I found this clip made my random youtube people for the song She Was Mine by Aj Rafael. So enjoy!

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Aj Rafael - She Was Mine 

[Verse1]
So I hopped on a train 3 in the afternoon
I don't know when I'm coming back, but I hope that it's soon
See, I never thought (I never though)
That I'd have to leave your side (your side)

[Verse2]
It's only physically but know that you will be on my mind
Twenty-four hours at a time
Cause in my eyes, you were mine (you were mine)

[Chorus]
No matter where you go, I won't be very far
Cause in my head I'll be right there where you are
Cause love has no distance baby
Love, love has no distance baby
No, not when it comes to you and me

[Verse3]
See, she wrote me a letter, said the weather wasn't better
But she said that she was doing fine
"I want to see you face to face", that's what she wrote to me that day
And I knew that it was all a sign
So I wrote back with a song, promised it won't be too long
Wanna make up for all our lost time
Cause in my eyes, you were mine (you were mine)

[Chorus]

[Bridge]
So I'm going through these boxes, my life's gone off track
It's been three years, she hasn't written back
But in my eyes, she's still mine
And I know it sounds so stupid to be waiting this long
But I'm still in love, and I know I'm not wrong
Cause in my eyes, she was mine

[Chorus]

Focus!

took me awhile to re-realize my problem - lack of concentration


I have to keep reminding myself - again, and again, and again.

Keep me in prayers please, if you're still reading this.

Prayer for Malaysia

Guys and girls,

please. We don't need foreign intervention. We need God's intervention. We know the truth: This world is full of evilness. But let us not be bound to the earthly matter, and trust in Lord and His timing.

The sky is the darkest before the dawn arrives. But darkness will not tear us apart. Regardless of the outcome, I am proud of everyone of us for coming out to try to make a difference for our beloved country.

Election outcome might not be as what we expected, but that doesn't tear us apart and to deny that we are indeed still 1Malaysia. Thus, be proud of ourselves. It's not only about winning the war, but the togetherness that we had to fulfill our duty as fellow Malaysians.

Keep praying for the better future of our country, no matter what your religion is. Keep strengthen our bonds as 1Malaysian, no matter what ethic you are. Keep believe in Malaysia, for it is tanah tumpah darahku.

Again, we need not foreign intervention. We don't need to repeat our history. We have learned. We will move on. We are united. We are Malaysia.

Smile, because you and I wanted for a better Malaysia.

What saddens me is that some of us actually think that BN won legitimately. Luke 23:34 - "Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing."

Qi Hao

这次以后...

这次以后，
我们之间，
还剩什么？

这次以后，
何时才能，
再次相见？

这次以后，
我还可以，
再来一次？

这次以后，
是妳是我，
还是陌生？

很想很想，
（让）时间倒带，
用时光机，
回到过去，
没有干涉，
只有妳我，
让我再来，
再认识妳。

我...
有点想妳。

Election 2013

all these 5.5-change-government topic is getting out of hand: Should a good people's representative be sacrificed just because he is with one of the coalition party in BN? You're changing someone who really fights for people for someone who wants to overthrow the ruling government BN.

ლ(ಠ益ಠლ) But at what cost?

That being said, not ALL BN leaders are corrupt. Not ALL PKR leaders are clean either. After reading through some news on Facebook, it suddenly struck me at this middle of the night:

What are we actually fighting for - to overthrow the current ruling government? or to elect someone from our residential area who can fight for our rights and serve the people?

To look from the other side of the fence, the corrupted must be brought down. Nevertheless, should the noble one be sacrificed just so that ruling party can be brought down?

五月五，换政府 - but really, the question I want you to ask yourself is:

ლ(ಠ益ಠლ) But at what cost?

I never like coalition. 50 years ago UMNO, MCA, MIC etc formed coalition BN to rule the government. 50 years years later we have DAP, PKR, PAS etc forming coalition PR to overthrow the ruling government, whose flaws are clearly to be seen.

What I fear in this election is that - people vote for the PR just because PR is a big-enough alliance to overthrow BN. And frankly, what I fear is becoming a reality. I had(yes, had) high hopes that the Rakyat are exposed enough to see this. So much of disappointment, nevertheless. Exactly how I felt for Bersih and stuffs - promising positive attempt, but poorly responded. I'm not talking about Rakyat's responds, but how it developed.

The effectiveness of democracy with parliament only comes with ONE precondition: The (majority of the) members should have adequate intelligence level. Anything other than that is stumbling-block for country's development. Democracy is good in the sense of precision, but whether or not it is accurate, it depends on the intelligence of the members to hit the true mark. For reference in case you don't know what I'm talking about: http://www.mathsisfun.com/accuracy-precision.html

I'm not saying I'm supporting BN, nor does this indicate that I support PR. I'm just here to remind you all: Know what you're fighting for. And whatever you do, ask yourself these questions:

Are we voting for change in government? Or are we voting someone who can serve us Rakyat?
ლ(ಠ益ಠლ) But at what cost?

Everything has its cost. Do you know yours?

The One You Feed

The Holy Spirit in 2013

It's not always easy to have things your way, even though you actually mean it for good. It is after this period of transition that I learn that I actually don't really that fit-in to situations easily and as I please. It's always nice to work with people, but the difficulty of getting a work done in a group is exponentially harder with the increasing of number of people.

Utter disappointment of myself, today was. Having this perfectionist side of mine, I couldn't help to set high targets and goals for myself. A level of which I think I'm capable of achieving. But the problem is, that sense of fulfillment that comes after doing something is undoubtedly rare. There's always a part I screwed up, if not the whole thing. There's always some areas where I think it is okay but in fact it's not, according to them. And sometimes I do feel that hey-hands-off-please-this-is-Qi-Hao's-way-to-do-it, but most of the times it only rises another doubt or confusion of what I thought I'm capable of. It's something discouraging, and I felt discouraged. And here I am, sitting here, typing, confused, disappointed, and complaining. I guess you all get this part of me quite often.

I wonder if this is actually why I am never to born to be perfect in something. Or wanting things to be perfect as it should be is the main issue to begin with. Nevertheless, personally I don't think wanting things to be perfect is a wrong thing - it pushes someone to a high-achievement state. Unlocking what you could possibly do more. Discovering yourself deeper. But, the perfectionism element grants me neither adequate motivation nor strong will to make things perfect. In the end, what left is just another mess.

I like the phrase "against the current". This is an action that I openly admit that I cannot do it. To me, it involves a lot of pain, casualties, suffering, hurt, and above all, confusion. Unless the issue is about the Truth - the faith that I have about God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit - of course. I cannot be oppressed, else I would turn into confusion. I cannot oppress, for I am not standing unshakably firm on any sort of ideas, religion/faith excluded. I guess I have this individual complex side within me. Taking out religious element, I don't know who I am. Some say I'm too humble to take credits of what I am capable of, but often I just think I'm not that good enough.

It's a constant struggle, in short. The more I discover about life, the more I realized how inadequate I am. The more I go into something, the more I am lost. On a happier note though, I know the Truth. I know the importance of empowerment by the Holy Spirit in life. That's the spiritual answer to this issue. I guess I'm still in the constant struggle of Jesus-like vs. Mr. Hyde within myself. Everyone struggles with this in different stage of his/her life - God-dependent vs. my effort - and where do the credits belong after that. The fact that I never get things done perfectly as it should be might - in fact I hope it is - just be an indication that I'm not that humble enough to be fully submissive and in total reliance of the Holy Spirit.

Thankfully - and I really thank God for this - that the theme for the church in 2013 is about "fueled by the Holy Spirit". To me it's something urgent to understand who the Holy Spirit is and to what extend (obviously duh..) Its involvement in our lives should be. It's about the need - and the wanting of the need - of the Holy Spirit and Its manifestation in our daily lives. It's about exploring and discovering the power of the Holy Spirit. I have a hunch that this is the missing puzzle to the picture of which I want to look at. In fact, maybe it's the bigger picture that I should be looking at.

It is always a mystery to me about how great people (especially those in the Bible) are/were driven by the Holy Spirit. And to go further on that, how does one juggle between dependent on the Holy Spirit versus my own effort. While the technical answer to this is obvious (one shall not simply just stating the obvious), I am looking forward to the practical steps in which I can do it in different areas of my life: eg. the inability to do something perfectly - is it because I am not depending on the Holy Spirit (enough)? How is it feel like to be empowered by the Holy Spirit? What is the result (outcome)? Finding the peace despite the outcome? How do I gain (recover) the confidence in life through the Holy Spirit? The list goes on. There is so much questions I want them to be answered and actually I'm looking forward to uncovering the answers to some of these questions that I have.

Empowered by the Holy Spirit to take moves confidently - this is what I want to learn this year. Sorry for the long posts and thank you for bearing with my complains and stuffs. If you have any words and encouragements please drop something in the comments and above all, keep me in your prayer.

My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me - John 10:27 NIV

Funny how it turns out to be a teaching for myself. Praise the Lord.

This journey is hard. God, how can I actually endure through it?

傻笑 - 周杰伦 ft. 袁咏琳

..::*+ 前言 +*::..
说实在的，只有周董能唱出我的心声 - 每一词、每一句。

叹。。。。。

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[Verse1]
男／眼看着手机里 没讯号
担心你的回信我 收不到
哪怕只传来一个 微笑的符号
我都会舍不得 删掉



[Verse2]
女／电台传来天气 的预报
想起你为我遮雨 的外套
合／客厅的电视播放 偶像剧频道
羡慕他们为爱 在争吵



[Chorus1]
男／你在我 的面前微笑 装不知道
女／其实你 告白的简讯 我有收到
合／（男）你说我 爱太 晚到 （女）为何你 爱要 晚到
合／只能像 朋友般 拥抱 Yeah～



[Chorus2]
男／你说他 的用心付出 比我早到
女／对你的 温柔只能放 心里收好
合／（男）你说我 爱太 晚到 （女）为何你 爱要 晚到
合／怎么做 我们彼此才 不会伤到



[Verse3]
男／我记得你爱喝 的饮料 （女）的饮料
也排队买你爱吃 的面包 （女）的面包
却只能对你远远 的会心一笑 （女）的会心一笑
连你的手都牵 不到



[Verse4]
女／你说你有多的 电影票 （男）Yeah～
男／你知道（女）事情没有（合）那么巧
合／（女）但很窝心的是你怕我无聊 （男）但很窝心的是我怕你无聊
合／（女）你比他清楚我的心跳 （男）我比他清楚你的心跳



[Chorus3]
男／你在我 的面前微笑 装不知道
女／他没有 不好只是话 越聊越少
合／（男）你说我 爱太 晚到 （女）为何你 爱要 晚到
合／错过了 幸福的 味道 Yeah～



[Chorus4]
男／用记忆 在对你拍照 让人难熬
女／其实我 对于你的好 也曾动摇
合／（男）你说我 爱太 晚到 （女）为何你 爱要 晚到
合／对的人 不对的时间 却放不掉