Sometimes the reason is simple, it is the inability of human by default to see the future - that's the thing that makes 'future' sounds so scary. I don't want to change the status quo that I'm experiencing. Despite the fact that changes could be good, I would like it to stay as it is now. It's not because I don't want it to be better, but I don't want it to be worse.
It is indeed such times - this kind of dilemma - that we, as Christians, choose to have faith in another divine power - God. I choose to believe that He is in-charge.
Despite the fact that my own desire is to be with you right now. It is because I love, that I understand now that, giving without expecting even a return is so hard to do.
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It is after a quarter of century I slowly don't really care about the amount of wishes I get from other people on my birthday. Or rather I don't want to care. I was clearing my mailbox and for sure the amount of Facebook notification emails was lesser compared to that of last year. The very one whom I desired to hear a wish from didn't wish me. It didn't really matter though - because I have been living in this world for a quarter of a century.
That means something.
I would say my greatest birthday gift was the experience that I collected in the past few weeks. Experience and the encounter with God. I took my initiative, to take back up the cross, and put it across my shoulder. Quite literally, actually. I bought a non-metal necklace, put in the cross I bought more than 6 years ago. I picked up my cross. To walk again alongside with Him. To read on His Word. To reflect upon myself. To listen back to the prophecy that was spoken to me...
So real, God is.
Imagine that you're about to take an exam. And you have been studying since a week ago. But you understood nothing. Even until 4 hours before exam. You woke up. You just prayed, "God, I would really need some comfort now." Then you open and read your devotional material. And God said, the storm that seems to be too big for you, it's just a small fragment of issue compare to the great big picture that God has for you. The timing couldn't been better.
God is greater, in short.
25 years old. Life seems a little different. The journey has changed its course.
God remained faithful.
Despite the very late timing, happy birthday to myself!
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