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..::*+ Small Talk +*::..

After nearly 3 days back from Italy trip, at first I thought of blogging out the trip. But then again, I will only blog about it if I'm able to cope with things that are choking me, near to death.

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So such a long time since I last drown myself into my pool of thoughts. Today Roy and I went for badminton. I was and I am still sick. But I glad I went. Because I realized something, something useful.

People always be great. There are people who are genius and successful. There are people who are not that smart but also successful because of jackpot luck of life (yea everything happens for reasons, I know). But most of the success people don't fall in either these two categories. So where are they? It is my belief that they success because they know what they're doing, but of course, also God's will.

Talking badminton, I need to be a bit prideful. Ahem. Okay. A lot of people praises me for marvelous (they did say this) badminton play, in fact I was tagged before as the benchmark to overtake, in badminton of course. Anyway, after nearly a whole semester not touching a racket, I came back tonight in action. And like polishing a rusted knife, it was a pain in ass. I got frustrated when I was playing normal warm-up strokes with Roy. He smashes, I defend, shuttlecock goes into the net. He drops the shot, I return, shuttlecock goes into the net, again. He lobbed it to the back, I return with a drop-shot, the shuttlecock goes into the net again.

Sorry about the badminton terms, but my point is, can you feel my frustration? I mean, come on, as if the shuttle is a metal-headed cannonball and the net is made of wires charged, becoming temporary magnets. But nearly an hour after that, I began to catch back the feel and touch that I once had before. And it was AMAZING.

So as I was playing, I discovered that actually I'm not good in this sport also (wow I said that), as in, come on, I'm a skinny (okay, maybe no longer skinny, touch wood.), talking about returning shuttles with bony wrist. But then I realized that I win points because I was trained before and most importantly, I know what shots the opponents might return. I was there one step ahead to wait for the shuttle to come for my next plot.

Amazing, Qi Hao revealing his secrets. So let's adapt this into our lives. Exclude those exceptions, successful people success because they plan their steps one step ahead of others. They know what is coming, they know what they will react to it, and they know also how the upcoming thing will respond. That's, maybe, one of the reasons people like Bill Gates (hope I didn't bring wrong example here) successes in life so much, that most of us wish ourselves to be enough just 1% as success as him. If you go deeper into his life, you will know how brilliant he is in growing Microsoft. Oh a side note, not the Microsoft nowadays, I meant the WindowsXP era.

So coming back into my life, I find that I am not person who plans for the next step, except in badminton. Okay okay I'll stop that part. I am not the person who knows what is coming and how I should deal with it. So back to my old-time quote: "I didn't know what I should know". In fact, a lot of times I am struggling just to catch up with things. My mom even used the word "brush-up", no offense, mom. I am always behind time, and after I catch back in time, I cross my leg, sitting pretty, as if I own the throne. And what's the best part of MERELY sitting on throne? When you fall from your seat, or dethrone. A fall from first semester, so I worked hard to be back in shape in the second semester, and third semester I screwed up again. Even people around me are more worried than me, as if they are the one failed subjects. Oh I remembered that scene - "DO YOU UNDERSTANDDDDDDD!!!?" by someone. But me, I don't know, maybe the phrase saying not-knowing-hell is best described.

That's the thing I want to change. And I know I've said it every time I fall, which is, maybe hundreds times already? The thing is, I did bad, then I caught up, then I fell back into the hole again. I wish I know the pain so much, that I at least have the phobia not to fall into the pit again. But worst, most of the time I was proven to be consciously dive into the pit that I've noticed. Like Adebayor stomping Van Persie on the recent football headnews. Like stepping into the land-mines. What you get?

Kaboom.

Nice sarcasm now get back to the point. I don't want a life just to catch up after falling behind. And I don't want a life that after catching back with time I chill down and return to the original state. It's like the electron in its orbit. After given certain amount of heat, the excites and jumps to the next energy level. And when the internal energy is gone, they return to the same state. Yes, chemical flame test I'm talking about. Sodium burns with intense yellow. Just that I don't emit that intense yellow result.

In the end, the point of the story is, I know this is another determination of mine, and I know I am super energetic to do this. And I know it is going to be a painful, long process. I want to do this. I want to throw away that unwanted characters. I want to develop the Fruit of the Spirit. And I know I can change. And I know it is hard.

I don't know whether this time is going to be a success or not, which I hope it will. But I do know that I'm serious about this this time. So, if you see anything that might help me, please save this poor. If you see I wonder to the wrong sides, please detour me to the right one. If you see I'm lost, guide me back to the path. If you see I fall into darkness, light my path. If you see I'm demotivated, please cheer me up. I know ultimately I'm the one who should be the one executing everything. But like a troop of army storming the front, they need eyes lockdown, or better, a Warpit. Okay okay that's a Call Of Duty 4 term, eye refers to sniper, and Warpit is an army tank. Please support me. I'm like campaigning for the upcoming Germany election.

Gonna need a lot of strength, and may God bless me.