heart

spent the whole time to hands on into the code myself.

Hard it is to write a new code, but it takes lesser time compare to relearn what others have done. And you know where what happened instead of playing wolf-fencing for a day.

I know I love and I'm loved. People are precious. You are precious. because what they can give is nothing I can never hope to have. Love.

And where the very first love come from Christ alone. We love because our heavenly Father first loves us.

Thank you. Thank You.

There will always be things that I have to do it myself, along with God. There will always be a place where others cannot follow. But for everything else, I know I have you. And still I have You. And forever we have You.

droplet

A drop of happiness, it's just like a vague of light, shining in the complete dark.

It is warm :)

knocked

You seriously shut my door.
And I seriously failed to say "Thy will be done", despite I said I will.
what a petty human.

I have my plans fixed.
You changed it.
And I seriously failed to say "Thy will be done", despite I said I will.
what a petty human.

I couldn't wait.
In rush I acted.
You have your timing.
And I seriously failed to say "Thy will be done", despite I said I will.
what a petty human.

I wandered.
I cried.
I am disappointed in myself.
You are still faithful.
And I seriously failed to say "Thy will be done", despite I said I will.
what a petty human.

Into the belly of the fish I went and hid.
Still am I befound by You no sweat drip.
For no matter how far I choose to pit,
how I deep I choose to creep,
how distant I make from You bit,
Your eyes see me, when mine are still blinded.
Your mouth speak to me, when I can't be silenced.
Your steps You make known to me, yet still I am stumbled.
Your plans revealed to me, yet I'm stubborn to be submitted.
You are still faithful to me, even when I have complained.

How truthful can a man a promise make,
when he cannot even tell if the time is late;
How much more then can he fake,
when all he has is by God's sake;
This same lesson then he should take,
before the Lord Christ Jesus coming back.


what a mess I'm in, again.

Fly Love - Jamie Foxx

..::*+ Small Talk +*::..
Wow blogspot layout changed. haha.

-----------------------------
I think... I'm in love. Not in love with someone, but just I'm in love of being in love. If you get what I mean.


oh in case you all wonder, I recommend this animation Rio. It explains the most popular game Angry Birds Rio's stages situations. You understand the game if you watch this movie.

so sweet, the lovebirds.

Fly love.

Memory dump–heat sink

Don’t read. You are warned.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Once a while when I get tired of being stuck in busy life and some personal issues and struggles, I always open my Beautiful Flowers to reread some memorable words and encouragement from those who left something in it.

I’ll be fine. I told myself.

When all else fades, I know where I am going.

The hardest step one can ever take is the one that is painful, and often it puts one to tears. Despite the present, those who hold on in walking the path are the one who will triumph against the evil and the wicked. And the eternal glory is what that will put a smile on one’s face. I guarantee it.

I believe in fairy tales. That no matter what I’m going thru, I am not alone, for God is walking with me. This journey is ever awesome because of His presence. In Him I will put my trust upon. It depends on how you think about it, but God has His own “happy ending” for each and everyone of us. Are you seeing what He wants you to see in yourself?

Keep me in prayers. This road not taken is harder than it looks to be. I know where I am going, I know the future is secured in His hands. But it is the presence that is hard for me to deal with.

Things aren’t like how they used to be. Decisions after decisions… at the end of the day, remind me that it is always He who is in control of everything.

---

Sometimes I do confused: Am I dealing with the consequences by doing damage control, or am I solving the cause? Just when it seems to be crystal clear, I found I making mistake. Sigh.

---

The more I understand you, the more I realize that I don’t understand you at all.

---

and I’m not so sure anymore.

---

*closing the book*

good to be home. Sorry some grunts and complains. You chose to read it and I need to dump those rubbish emotions and thoughts. So it is balanced.

Good to be home.

I really feel good to be home.

You know I really feel good to be home.

or perhaps you don’t.

Das Festival 2011 – A Look Back

..::*+ Small Talk +*::..

Seriously, after Beauty and the Beast, I think Tangled is the next Disney cartoon that I like. Congrats to Disney for the successful 10th princess story in 50 years and to Many Moore for outstanding voice for Rapunzel. I love this song; it’s called “I See The Light”, sung by Mandy Moore and Zachary Levi. It became my favorite worldy song since 2 days ago. I’m thinking of covering it, but maybe I need a girl to do duet with me.

I See the Light–Mandy Moore & Zachary Levi

I See the Light – Mandy Moore & Zachary Levi

[Rapunzel.Verse1]
All those days watching from the windows
All those years outside looking in
All that time never even knowing
Just how blind I’ve been

[Rapunzel.Verse2]
Now I’m here, blinking in the starlight
Now I’m here, suddenly I see
Standing here, it’s all so clear
I’m where I’m meant to be

[Chorus]
And at last I see the light
And it’s like the fog has lifted
And at last I see the light
And it’s like the sky is new
And it’s warm and real and bright
And the world has somehow shifted
All at once everything looks different
Now that I see you

[Eugene.Verse1]
All those days chasing down a daydream
All those years living in a blur
All that time never truly seeing
Things the way they were

[Eugene.Verse2]
Now she’s here shining in the starlight
Now she’s here, suddenly I know
If she’s here it’s crystal clear
I’m where I’m meant to go

**

Okay that’s more like a “big talk” than “small talk”.

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Okay some of you might know that I’ve been saying how God “slapped” me, in a way, before, during and after Das Festival. It’s an annual church camp organized by Hope Germany and this year the topic was based on Romans 8:14

“… because those who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God.”
Romans 8:14 NIV

For me, what I picked up the most from Paul the apostle’s letter to Romans was that we are to constantly check ourselves what is the driving force in our lives. It usually can be anything and it differs from a person to another. But the fundamental principle is this: All else will fade other than God’s faithfulness to us. Therefore, it is always the best choice for us to have this driving force, powered by (Spirit of) God, for God, and to God. As we all long to live to be righteous, God made it clear by saying

“For in the Gospel a righteousness from God is revealed, a righteousness that is by faith from first to last, just as it is written (in Hab. 2:4): ‘The righteous will live by faith.’”
Romans 1:17 NIV, Parenthesis mine

Are we living by faith into our God, whose name is worthy to be praise forever and ever more? Or are we still being indulged with the sinful nature of the world?

1. Don’t judge others

I do believe God has the power to change a situation 180° in a blink of eye, the question is only about if He is willing to, because if He does, will the people involved give Him credits and glory, or will they just be happy with the change? In other words, God tests our heart and through the test He wants us to know our heart. Therefore most of the time God changes people through time. Where am I getting at? I really thankful to God, for He has shown me mercy, by putting me in Germany, to learn to grow spiritually, and He has placed people, the people in the house church around me for that very own reason. A month ago God started to work in my by putting me into a situation where I have to explain some of my actions, and was rebuked by one of the members that I was being judgmental against other people. In short, I label, tag and judge people according to what I’ve seen what they have done.

I had a thought in mind, that I want to only really befriend with people whose intelligence are higher than me. I kind of like looked down on and didn’t want to mix with people who I judged as less smart than me, because I think it is just another waste-of-time thing, neither does it help in my personal growth. But I was convicted by Holy Spirit through verses in Romans.

“You, therefore, have no excuse, you who pass judgment on someone else, for at whatever point you judge the other, you are condemning yourself, because you who pass judgment do the same things.”
Romans 2:1 NIV

and

“Who are you to judge someone else’s servant? To his (or here) own master he stands or falls. And He will stand, for the Lord is able to make him (or her) stand.
Romans 14:4 NIV, Parenthesis mine

On top of that, I was confronted with verse from Romans 12:16. I shouldn’t look down on other people and only befriend with those I think worthy to befriend with. Instead, I should be willing to associate to different people without any discriminations.

“Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position. Do not be conceited.”
Romans 12:16 NIV

It was so intense and real, for God didn’t just throw me with the verses; He first reveal my problem through other people and then through series of events and Bible verses. I asked for prayer from Jia Uei and asked for forgiveness from the people whom I have judged. I pray that I will not repeat the same problem, for Christ Jesus Himself didn’t look down on other people, nor did He judge others in His own human form. And we are called to be Christ-like.

 

2. Repent, so that God can work in me

For the past 3 years, my prayer never differs from “Thy Will be done”. Matthew 6:9-13 has been my daily prayer:

“Our Father in heaven,
Hallowed be Your name,
Your kingdom come,
Your will be done,
On earth as it is in heaven.
Give us today our daily bread.
Forgive us our debts,
as we also have forgiven our debtors.
Lead us not into temptation,
but deliver us away from the evil ones.”
Matthew 6:9-13 NIV

Somehow I was quite troubled by the fact that God hasn’t been using me well. At least I haven’t know what are His will for me. I know He would definitely show it to me as He promised in Jeremiah 29:11. Sometimes I did get impatient. But as I was reading Romans in the train, Holy Spirit confronted me:

Qi Hao, Qi Hao, how am I supposed to work in you, for your stubbornness and unrepentant heart blocks every signal from all channels I intended for you?

True enough, a lot of people, including me, have been complaining about how God doesn’t do what He promised His people. We indirectly put the blame on God and make excuses by saying God has His own timing and we should wait. Yes, God definitely has His own timing, but I guess God is not the God who lets us wait for nothing. He make us wait for Him, to test our heart, to teach us how to be faithful, but of all, He doesn’t think we are ready to receive what He has for us. God doesn’t want us to wait passively, but while waiting for Him, we make ourselves ready.

He says,

“But because of your stubbornness and your unrepentant heart, you are storing up wrath against yourself for the day of God’s wrath, when his righteous judgment will be revealed. God (said in Proverbs 24:12) ‘will give to each person according to what he has done.’ To those who by persistence in doing good seek glory, honor and immortality, He will give eternal life. But for those who are self-seeking, and who reject the truth and follow evil, there will be wrath and anger.”
Romans 2:5-8 NIV

“therefore, I urge you, brothers, (Qi Hao), in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God – this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer in the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is – his good, pleasing and perfect will.”
Romans 12:1-2 NIV, Parenthesis mine

And to be real krass:

“Those controlled by sinful nature cannot please God.”
Romans 8:8 NIV

 

3. fear of God

To fear God – that is another prayer that I lately prayed for. I find that I don’t fear God, unlike those people in the Old Testaments. My stand was that God supposed to be our friend and He definitely seemed to be much friendlier in the New Testaments.

“There is no fear of God before their eyes”
Romans 3:8 NIV

On that subtopic, Paul mentioned about no one is righteous. A little look up in other verses I found that actually we are called to fear Him:

Show proper respect to everyone: Love the brotherhood of believers, fear God, honor the king.
1. Peter 2:17, Underline/bold mine

“Great and marvelous are Your deeds,
Lord God Almighty.
Just and true are Your ways,
Kings of the ages.
Who will not fear You, O Lord,
and bring glory to Your name?
For You alone are holy.
All nations will come
and worship before You,
for Your righteous acts have been revealed.”
Revelation 15:3b-4 NIV, Underline/Bold mine

I want to learn to fear Him, the King of all kings, Lord of all lords, and the creator of the world.

 

4. Submit to authority

I must confess that it is hard for me to bow down and submit to someone who is near of my age, or someone whom I much consider as friends. So in the midst of transition of “throne” within our house church, I find myself to pay less respect to the leaders. And for that, I “earned” myself a slap from God.

“Everyone must submit himself to the governing authorities, for there is no authority except that which God has established. The authorities that exists have been established by God.”
Romans 13:1 NIV

okay to put it a little bit more krass:

“He (They) is (are) God’s servant(-s), an agent of wrath to bring punishment on the wrongdoers.”
Romans 13:4b NIV, parenthesis mine

I will pray for them, our new leaders. And I will pray for myself, pray that God will correct my heart and show respect to these God-appointed people.

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Hold On – 33 Miles

[Verse1]
I’ve been there a thousand times,
I’ve felt the rain like a thousand knives.
And it hurts,
I know it hurts.
I’ve been there like a fighting plane,
Trying fly my way through the hurricane.
And it’s hard,
I know it’s hard.

[Pre-Chorus1]
Don’t be afraid,
You’ll make it through,
Just call out to me and I’ll come running to you.

[Chorus]
Hold on, hold on!
When the current pulls you under,
and your hearts beats like thunder.
Just give me your hand,
And hold on, hold on!
Until the storm is over,
And I’ll be fighting for you,
Just give me your hand and,
Hold on!

[Verse 2]
I’ll give you hope, I’ll give you faith.
And if it’s dark, I’ll like the way,
For you, for you.
By your side until the end,
Until you’re standing tall again,
I’m here, I’ll always be here.

[Pre-Chorus2]
And if the tide, sweeps you out to sea,
When your strength is gone, and it’s hard to believe.

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enough to chew for quite a long time. But I pray to You, Father, as You have reveal all these things to me, I pray that You will teach me to learn all these lessons in me. I pray that Father, You will change my heart and to allow You to be the driving force of my life. I pray that Father, I will not be stubborn in my head, but to let go the anchor that binds me down, and let You to be the wind and guide my path in accordance to Your will that You have for me. Father I know that You have plans for me and Lord, I know I have not been given to things I don’t deserve, because I am not ready for them. Father, I want to pray to You, to give me lessons and the desires to be ready for You. For You alone knows the past, current and the future. Draw me close to You, Father, and never let me go, because You’re all I want and You’re all I ever needed.

Draw Me Close To You

In Jesus’s name I ask and pray,

Amen.

Where The Love Lasts Forever

..::*+ Small Talk+*::..

---

You know what, I'm glad that I am surrounded with lovely people, especially people in my House Church. We're more than just being family - we are the organs of this body of Christ. As always we did have tons of yummy food and spent great and wonderful time together. But this time it was really special, at least to me. It is not only because of the YUMMMMYYY food, definitely not only because of the full-attendance after... i lost count of the days or months, not only because of meeting up everyone, but it was also because of my hot seat.

Yea. My hot-seat. What happened...?

It's funny to say that I must admit that day, and of course the few days before when I did my preparation, I know myself the most out of these nearly 23 years of existence in this world. As I was preparing my umm.. speech, I prayed and redrew the time-line of Qi Hao...

If I tell you that I was a very egoistic and confident person, would you believe me? But the fact is, I was. And although I've did this few times before, but this time I see clearly of myself. I saw my rise, I saw my fall. And what made the difference is that I saw intercession - God's intercession - in my life, no matter how desperate I am to deny it. It was different, because I know to be thankful and really treasured what God has changed my life, slowly. He planted the seed. And I saw people nurturing this seed, so that it grows on the good soil. Looking back, I've changed. Not because of myself, but because of God's intercession, and He used people - the good and the bad - to draw me to open and receive this gift that was paid by the blood of Christ Jesus.

I saw myself fall. I saw I broke and dislocated my elbow. I saw I hurt a friend of mine who was sitting beside me in Primary Two. I saw myself passed PTS and skipped Primary Four and had been playing catching up ever since. I saw myself being shouted "go away" at the basketball field. I saw myself being slapped by my dad because I wanted to say I'm not good in art but he misunderstood me. I saw myself crying in bed because no one, even the doctors, believed that I dislocated my elbow, despite me kept requesting "please look at the x-ray scans. I saw myself dropped from rank 1 to 5th in Under-12 badminton group in SBA, because of this injury. I saw myself hiding, after being asked "why are your elbow a little different?"

Yes, I saw things just crashed at the age 10/11. Tried my best to hide my tears but at least I managed to go through my speech before I broke down and cried. There were things that I never tell anyone before, but I told these group of people during the hot-seat. I wanted to share, but I was being shameful, and worried if I were to tell someone. Even those who I really appreciated. But somehow Holy Spirit gave me this courage to share the night before and during the hot seat. It is okay to tell them, my heart said. It is because these are the people who are there to protect you and not to harm you, people who are there to help you grow in Christ.

Being in Germany isn't about studying the cars and engine and automotive and the culture alone. What I gained the most in Germany, is that this faith can grow. This journey has started since long long time ago. I am so blessed to able to make this decision to follow Him. I am blessed to have a great mentor, whose life shows the glory of God and I want to make my Daddy proud as well. I am blessed to be in this house church.

I made a statement that day, that I want to be like the rest of them. I feel lacked, because I am not having as much knowledge about God as they do. I want to be like them, not because they are biblical strong, but to have such an intimacy with God. I want to know God. I want to be equipped and be prepared not just for myself,

but in your hearts set apart Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have.

1. Peter 3:15a NIV

Apart from that, I'm glad that I really worked through about my strengths and weaknesses. I've known myself to be people-oriented than task-oriented and I haven't been putting that gift to good use. I've known myself to able to play good supportive role and prefer to do stuffs practically than learning the theories. I've seen my potential danger to be passive and doubtful. I've seen myself to afraid of being neglected and being alone. I've seen myself not able to withstand bad start. But the truth is, how many people out there have not once screwed up their lives before. I really admired and being inspired by the story of how Jia Jin and Steph met each other. It is not because I've heard it, but because I've seen it. It really sets a good example for me and a n encouragement, that despite bad things that happened, God will do great things in everyone's life, if only we let Him to do His work.

Heavenly Father, I thank You, Lord, for what You have done in my life for the past 22 years. You've planted the seed years ago and I'm thankful for the people who were there to make this seed to grow. Father, I thank You for all the lessons that You've taught me. Father, I want to pray to You, that You will continue to reveal to me the how deep is Your love for me, and I pray that I can have this desire to love You, like how You love me. I also want to pray that You will continue to grow me up, and continue to equip and use me. Send me as You pleased, and I will go. Use me as You wish, and I will follow. Guide me as You love, and I will listen. Lord, there are a lot of things that I don't know about You. But Lord, You see this hunger and desire to know You more and more. Who would I be, if Your mercy were not there to found me, at that broken road. You lifted me up beyond my failing, into Your eternal glory. You dissolved my shame and sin, and now forever Yours I'll stand. Help me to set my eyes on You, because when all else fades, I know, that my soul will dance with You, where the love lasts forever.





in Jesus's name I ask and pray,
amen.