Day 20: Restoring broken fellowship

..::*+ Small Talk +*::..
Stop following people. Don't roam around anyone other than God. No, go straight to God. Think of what God wants in you. Pay attention. Focus.

Arghhh... I need something to cool me down.

Chill chill chill chill chill... No, it didn't work out. It don't work out again. It will not work out either.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Day 20: Restoring broken fellowship

One of our purpose on earth is to learn how to love others, just like how God loves us. God wants us to value relationships with others and make effort to maintain them, not casting them aside. Broken relationships will be a unpleasing testimony to other unbelievers, since Christ wants His family to be known for love.

Paul was so embarrassed of the Corinthians. That was why he wrote letters to the church in Corinth, which were splitting into warring factions and even taking each other to court. He was shocked that the Christians unable to settle dispute between them. The church was unable to resolve conflicts peaceably.

I appeal to you, brothers, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that all of you agree with one another so that there may be no divisions among you and that you may be perfectly united in mind and thought.
1. Corinthians 1:10

If you want God's blessing on your life and you want to be known as a child of God, you must learn to be a peacemaker.
Rick Warren - The Purpose Driven Life

Blessed are the peacemakers,
for they will be called sons of God.
Matthew 5:9

Thus we should actively search ways to resolve conflicts, which is a hard work. Peacemaking is something that you can develop. So, tell yourself: I want to be a peacemaker. But how?

1. Peacemaking is not avoiding conflict. Hiding from conflicts, pretending they do not exist is not helping at all. Deal with them instead, just like how Jesus did it, as stated in the Bible. To do so, pray for the Holy Spirit's continual guidance.

2. Peacemaking is also not appeasement. Always giving in, letting others to run over you is not peacemaking. Jesus is not such a person. He refused to back down on many issues, instead, he stood still on the ground, confronting the face of evil opposition.

Now you know how to be a peacemaker. Let's go deeper topic: How to restore a relationship?

1. Talk to God before talking to the person. Tell God about the problem. Discuss with God. Pray to God that He will guide you to solve the problem. You can't scientifically prove it, but you will often discover that either God changes your heart or he changes the other person without your help. Everything will go much smoother. Sometimes conflicts rise because of unmet needs. Thus remember, expect no one else to meet a need that only God can fulfill. Only God can do it.

2. Always the the initiative. It does not matter if you are the offender or the victim. God wants us to take the first move. A fact that I realize from daily life. If you expecting another person to take the first step, you will end up most probably the conflict unsolved, because the other one might also be waiting for you to take the first step. Restoring broken relationship is so important, that Jesus said:

"Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother, then come and offer you gift."
Matthew 5:23-24

It is stated here, do not delay nor make excuses. Delay only deepens the resentment and makes things worse. Time heals nothing; it causes hurts to fester. Conduct a peace conference as soon as possible, choosing the correct time and place to meet. The best time is when you both are at your best.

3. Sympathize with their feelings. Listen to them. Focus on their feelings, not the facts. Begin with sympathy, not solution. There is a technique to learn. Do not let them feel as if you are rushing and forcing them to tell you. Let them talk, let them unload emotionally without being defensive. Feelings must not be always true. Resentment makes us act and think foolishly.

When my heart was grieved
and my spirit embittered,
I was senseless and ignorant;
I was a brute beast before you.
Psalm 73:21-22

A man's wisdom gives him patience,
it is to his glory to overlook an offense.
Proverbs 19:11

So, be patient. And there's a say saying that people don't care what we know until they know we care. Jesus was patient and endured unfounded, malicious anger, just to save us.

4. Confess your part of the conflict. In other words, admit that you are wrong. Admit your mistakes or sin. Evaluate your own actions before meeting them. Ask God to let you know how much problem is your fault.

If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us.
1. John 1:8

Confession is a powerful tool for reconciliation.
Rick Warren - The Purpose Driven Life

Do not make excuses. Just admit, and confess. Do not blame. Just honestly own up to any part you have played in the conflict. Accept responsibility for your mistakes and ask for forgiveness.

5. Attack the problem, not the person. And yes, do not blame others. Learn to have gentle answer.

A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.
Proverbs 15:1

Choose your words wisely. Do not provoke other people. You are never persuasive when you are abrasive.

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that is may benefit those who listen.
Ephesians 4:29

6. Cooperate as much as possible. For the sake of restoring the relationship, learn to compromise, adjust to others, and show preference to what they need.

You're blessed when you can show people how to cooperate instead of compete or fight. That's when you discover who you really are, and you place in God's family.
Matthew 5:9 The Message

7. Emphasize reconciliation, not resolution. Reconciliation focuses on the relationship, resolution focuses on the problem. When we focus on reconciliation, the problem loses significance and often becomes irrelevant.

Learn the smart way to resolve our differences. A diamond looked from any angle is the same. And God expects unity, not uniformity. Give up not on discussing and even debating - but you do it in a spirit of harmony.

Well, I'm thinking of someone that I want to restore the broken relationship. It takes courage to think like this - to restore a fellowship. That is why peacemakers are rare. That is why God calls peacemakers his children.



Vincent