Book 3 - In The Grip Of Grace by Max Lucado

..::*+ Small Talk +*::..

For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Romans 8:38-39 NIV

How powerful is that.

p/s: Sorry this took awhile to be uploaded. I finished reading this book more than a month ago.
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To be honest, my perspective of life got changed after reading this book. Perhaps I didn't speak this out, but i always had the idea that I have to do a thing to deserve ONE blessing from God. So I made a lot of promises to God, which in the end failing most of them, hopefully in return of His blessings.

Max Lucado started the book by telling "The Parable of the River". About 4 brothers got "washed away" by the gushing riverflow and stuck in some no-man-land. Then their person is revealed and is compared to Paul's letters to the Romans (Romans 1-2)
1. The hedonist - The one who traded the Glory of God who lives forever for worshiping idols of the earth. Mostly because they couldn't wait for the eternal.
2. The judgmentalist - The one who points at the hedonist and patted himself and say, "at least I'm not as bad as they are". They think they can judge others.
3. Legalist - The one who thinks his own effort is enough to bring him back to God. Or tries to. And in the end they'll give up because none of their effort seems to bringing them back to God.

"Not because of what I've done, but because of who You are"

Who Am I - Casting Crowns

4. The one who patiently waiting for the fifth, older, and stronger brother to come to save them because the Father sent him.

It's a great start to see and how these can actually relate to the people in this world today - just either one of them.

What A Mess I'm In!
That was exactly my thought half way through the book. When we talk about God's justice, the standard is so high that ALL of us fall short of it. It's so easy to fall under temptation of this world - fame, wealth, position etc. And the moment when we seek after all these worldly things, we are considered sinners. He is a jealous God, after all. And it is impossible for anyone to be sinless. And thus it is impossible for anyone to be total righteous before God.

 For the wages of sin is death.

Romans 6:23a NIV

So technically you and I are meant to be.. dead.

Credits Where Credit Is NOT Due
Despite the fact that God's standard is so high, He's also a loving God. And here comes the famous quote:

For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.

John 3:16 NIV

And that's Jesus. Our salvation is secured thanks to Jesus who is blameless and sinless, yet was given as the wage for the sins we've committed, committing and will commit. It is this Grace of God that was given to us so that we could come back to God. It is this gift that we're not deserved that our relationship with God is restored to how it supposed to be, back in the Garden of Eden, before the fruit of the knowledge of good and evil incident. 

Often, however, this credit is not given back to Jesus who has done so much for us. The price that He paid on the cross wasn't big enough for us to understand how much God loves us. The gift, which is given to each and everyone of us, is left unopened by some of us, because it's just too good to be true. If you want something, you need to work for it - that's how things are in this world. But it is exactly because this gift is not from this world that the Grace of God works differently - It is because you're undeserved that it is given to you. (Now open it if you haven't!)

And the great thing doesn't just end here. His love endures forever. This love that He has for you, it's eternal. God doesn't hate you just because you sinned against Him. He loves you more than you could ever imagine. And we are called to do the same.

Hate what is evil; cling to what is good.

Romans 12:9b NIV

It comes back to the power verse that I quoted in the beginning of this post:

For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Romans 8:38-39 NIV

The thing is, the whole topic about God-Grace-Sin is so simple yet sounds too good to be true. But the fact is: it is true. It is when you're in the grip of this grace, you get to see the whole core about this God.

And I'm so blessed to have given a first-hand experience of this grace. Here's my testimony on April 7 2014:

So here I am, sitting in Starbucks Forum. And suddenly this guy approached me, begging for money with a paper scribbled with some broken English. He was just another beggar, I thought.

Reminded of the conversation I had with Jien-Mae yesterday regarding giving, and I was reading Lucado's regarding freely giving just as we are given(pg110), I decided to give 2 euros. Practically 50% of the cash I have on myself now.

Then he kept asking for more, kept pointing at his paper (I've read it but have no idea what's it about). He's now looking into my eyes, full of pity. And I looked at his, a little frustrated.

Suddenly my phone vibrated - Facebook notification of a comment made on my status from Gloria who helped me a lot to know Christ.

That's when I realized his other hand was 2 inches from my phone and tablet. That explained his awkward positioning of his paper which was then beside my bag. That's when I quickly took away my gadgets. That's when he turned and fled.

That's when I understood how much God loves me. I am, in the grip of His marvelous grace. Felt like crying, not because of I was nearly get picked, but stunned and amazed by His protection over me. Our God is greater. 

In short, read the book. I highly recommend this book. Ask from me if you want to read the book. I think this book gives a perfect picture of the whole grace and salvation that Christianity is preaching.

Sir, you know

Then one of the elders asked me, “These in white robes—who are they, and where did they come from?”
I answered, “Sir, you know.”
And he said, “These are they who have come out of the great tribulation; they have washed their robes and made them white in the blood of the Lamb. Therefore,
“they are before the throne of God
    and serve him day and night in his temple;
and he who sits on the throne
    will shelter them with his presence.
‘Never again will they hunger;
    never again will they thirst.
The sun will not beat down on them,’
    nor any scorching heat.
For the Lamb at the center of the throne
    will be their shepherd;
‘he will lead them to springs of living water.’
    ‘And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes.’”
Revelations 7:13-17 NIV

I'll tell you what, I want to be one of them. As simple as that. As pure as that. Let no distractions nor wealth nor power nor women nor pride nor anything else in this world take away this very hunger of mine to seek Him. 

He is God, the Who-I-Am, and there is no one else who is worthy, none beside thee.

Let the Spirit of the Lord, Spirit of wisdom and of understanding, Spirit of counsel and might, Spirit of Knowledge and fear of the Lord, to fill me inside out. (Isaiah 11)

I actually should have time to update this blog....

Book 2 - David and Goliath by Malcolm Gladwell

..::*+ Small Talk +*::..

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

1. Cor. 13:13 NIV

Kinda enjoy reading nowadays.

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Among the stories in the Bible, I must admit that when I read the story of David vs. Goliath in 1. Samuel 17, I didn't just marveled at it like most people do. I didn't think, or at least from what I read from the Bible, that David just randomly decided to fight Goliath. Unlike Moses or Abraham, God didn't explicitly appear to him and command him to go and have one-on-one duel with Goliath. He was just somewhat in disbelief that this Goliath guy defied the armies of the living God (Verse 26).

Perhaps what worth to be mentioned is that in verse 32:

David said to Saul, “Let no one lose heart on account of this Philistine; your servant will go and fight him.”

1. Samuel 17:32 NIV

My interpretation of what David said: Let no one doubt the living God because of this Philistine. I will go.

And so he went, God was with him, and after some pre-duel morale/provocative dialogue, he slung rocks, hit-hard on Goliath's forehead - the only unprotected body part - and Goliath KO-ed, facedown.

That, converted to modern role-playing-game (RPG), is a typical example of how one should play melee vs. range games. As a ranged hero, you "kite" the melee enemy, just like David started to keep a distance from Goliath as he worked his way to him. And you attack, while keeping the maximum distance possible. If you "kite" your enemy correctly, he won't have a chance to lay anything against you. That's how you win a duel. That's how David won the duel.

Just that he had done it with one hit. Must have pumped up his dexterity. 

It turned out that the mighty Philistine wasn't that mighty after all. What even shocking is that it turns out that there are some other analysis that suggest that the Philistine wasn't, other than his strength, at advantage at all.

Here's where the book David and Goliath by Malcolm Gladwell comes in.

This is another book by Malcolm Gladwell that challenges us to rethink some of what-we-presumed-as advantages, and disadvantages as well. As well as how we think.

David wasn't in disadvantage at all
Normally we make assumptions based on what is, and often, physically obvious to us. The bigger army will win wars. Bigger size defenders will protect your favorite football team from conceding goals. Richer companies will win, for example, a patent war. The little boy named David, will not win against Goliath.

We always think to deal situations man-to-man, toe-to-toe. And of course, if to measure strength-to-strength, by sword-to-sword, David could never withstand even one blow by Goliath. In 1816, the Georgians fought the Russians straight up and lost (just quoting some of the war examples).

But we already know the outcome of David vs. Goliath, don't we?

The book let me rethink of some aspects in my life. It makes me think of how I look at things, how I come to conclusion whether a situation is in my advantage or disadvantage. What I realize is that, I always judged too fast that I'm in disadvantage - I wasn't born in a Christian background, thus of course my Bible knowledge couldn't be as good as those who are brought up in a Christian family. But is that the case? Not really. It's is because that I'm not born in a Christian family, I know when I choose to follow Christ. It is because that I was a non-believer, I could make the decision to "die to my old self, and be born again in Christ".

On the other hand, one needs to know the disadvantages in situations where he or she has advantage on. During my trip to Münster last Friday we came across an American who came over to Germany to visit her boyfriend, and she wants to come over to Germany for further study. As we were talking, I slowly realized the disadvantages that I have as a scholarship given by the Malaysian government - I didn't know what are the procedures for a foreigner to come study in Germany. All these things were arranged for us, the scholars. The only duty we have to do is to study, and perhaps, renew our visas when it is going to be invalid. I didn't even know how one applies for student visa, what are the conditions, what about insurance... etc.

The food for thought is that, to find advantages in disadvantage situations, to make full use of what you have, and to be aware of the disadvantages of the advantages that you are having now, and equip yourself up for that.

Small-Fish-Big-Pond effect

Since young my dad wanted the best education for us, so he would use all the connections he has while he was a teacher to send us to the best school possible in the city. And thus I got transferred once to another better school as I was in primary school, and instead of going into designated high school, I got transferred to another better school. That was exactly the moment when I got shocked by the pond that I was in. I used to be the best student in my glorious primary school years, but upon stepping into secondary, I got stunned by the cleverness of the geniuses there. My confidence shattered. What I regretted, when I look back today, is that I never swam against the disadvantages that time. (I should have. And that's why I will start to follow up with my studies, despite I don't really have idea of what I'm studying now.)

I realized that being a small fish that got transferred into a big pond contributed to the lack of confidence that I'm suffering currently. I also realized that I don't need to be the best in my peers. I just need to do my best. And the "best" doesn't mean everything, but the optimum, that leads to the next point:

Inverted U-Curve

There's this Chinese saying which I love the most - 物极必反，器满则倾. It means, if we overdo something, it will backfire. Filling a glass that is already full will cause the water to overflow. This is the part where it makes sense, but we never apply it in our real lives.

We always think everything has its own proportional causality. The longer I stay up to study, the more questions I could answer in my exam. The harder the criminal law is, the lesser people will commit crime. The lesser students in a class, the better they will perform. It is always true as long as we stay on the left side of the inverted-U. Until that tipping point, we reap what we sow. But that's how far things could go better. After some optimum point, things starts to go back down the hill.

I could really relate to this especially when I played (and by the way, still playing) the city-building game Sim City. At first you might lose a bit of cash for providing basic necessities, but after awhile, you earn back what you sow, and your city blooms and population increases. Until that tipping point, where everything starts to go bad - overcrowded clinics and jails, not enough schools, fire-stations, parks etc. Your skyscrapers that you were once proud of as mayor starts crumbling. Your land-value begins to drop, population gets stagnant. You begin to get frustrated by the game, as if the game developer purposely make the game suddenly extreme harder. And you delete and start over again, where everything become friendly again.

Life isn't a SimCity game, or basically any game, where you can just start over once again. That's why people said YOLO (You only live once). If you screw up, life continues. You can't just go back into your mother's womb and decided to be reborn again, physically. You need to re-strategize. You need to understand where you are, what are your resources, what are your strengths, what are your weaknesses, what you could do...

That's where I'm currently in, after I read the book Outliers. In this book, I understood about the inverted-U curve. It is particularly important for me, because I realize that that is always the point where I struggle - I always start something, then unable to pull through, and then get discouraged. To regain little confidence, I start something else, hoping that it will be different this time. In the end I tap out when it gets difficult. When situations starts to go down the curve. I gave up.

The Five Model (Big Five)

This is one of the interesting traits about innovators and entrepreneurs and revolutionists

1. Neuroticism (sensitive/nervous vs. secure/confident)

2. Extraversion (energetic/gregarious vs. solitary/reserved)

3. Openness (inventive/curious vs. consistent/cautious)

4. Conscientiousness (orderly/industrious vs. easygoing/careless)

5. Agreeableness (cooperative/emphatic vs. self-interested/antagonistic)

They tend to have the last three attributes. Don't think I really understood this part of the book, but I like what the author said:

They are people willing to take social risk - to do things that others might disapprove of.

In short, not seeking social acceptance. I somehow struggled in this. I don't like to offend people, so I tend to find a way such that I could please every party that involves. Maybe to say something that doesn't make clear stand. Maybe do something that the society can accept. And if Emil J. Freireich were to behave like I do, the success rate of leukemia treatment might still be very very low. (Read the book to know why)

Where to go from here?
Let's go back to David. He went down to fight Goliath, not because God asked him to. But he knew God's own heart - He knew what is not pleasing in God's sight - The Philistine defying God's armies.

God testified concerning him: ‘I have found David son of Jesse, a man after my own heart; he will do everything I want him to do.’

Acts 13:22 NIV

I always thought that "I will not be moved until God reveals to me". But now then I understand what it means by "seeking God". It is God's heart that I want to seek.

I slowly understand advantages in disadvantages and disadvantages in advantages. By playing the "neutral" rule will not bring me anywhere. It guarantees me in the future a stable job, just enough income, a wife (maybe lol). But I will just remain someone who is social acceptable - a little grass in big field.

It's a new way to view things: Understanding where you are, sniff the potential dangers currently in and ahead, seeing the beauty of what we assumed to be come-short and disadvantages and perhaps sufferings.

Book 1 - Outliers by Malcom Gladwell

..::*+ Small Talk +*::..
I solemnly swear that I'm not a book-reading person. But this is my new year resolution - I want to read at least ten books in 2014. It might sound pretty easy to you all, but I haven't read more than 10 books (other than those compulsory ones in my academic journey) in my entire life. Thus, please give me encouragement and motivation.

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I see myself as an individual complex person. I don't think like normal people do. And I have tons of emotions and I express them pretty easily. Those who are near (not even need to be close) to me know and can testify this.

I always thought that this world is unfair. That the dominant people get what they want. That only the MOST talented person get what they deserve. That the nice guys (yeah I thought I am one) finish last. That those other people get all the girls I myself really wanted to be with.

Perhaps it's still is.

I, on the other hand, will always be the second best person, student, badminton player, Christians (believe me, sometimes I do feel that I will never be knowledgeable as some of my Christian friends), lover etc. And looking back, it's kinda pathetic to think such way. And what's worse, I've been stuck in this emotional self-pity state pretty much since the end of my primary school era. It's only once in the blue moon, and hopefully not this time, that I came out from that realm and to do something happy. Like really happy.

I want to stop here, and I also want to introduce a book - a book that is changing my mind. A book calls Outliers, by Malcom Gladwell.

In the book it talks about those success person - Aces in the Canadian Hockey Team, Bill Gates, Joseph Flom, Bill Joy, The Beatles, etc. These are some outstanding person in the history of humankind and honestly, after I read the book, their successes aren't surprise at all. In the book, the author went deep into the times, culture, background and what did these people do in those era.

These are the hardworking people, presented with opportunities, and grabbed them.

"Success follows a predictable course. It is not the brightest who succeed. ... Nor is success simply the sum of decisions and effort we make on our own behalf. It is, rather, a gift. Outliers are those who have been given opportunities - and who have had the strength and presence of mind to seize them."

These words don't make any sense if we do not study their background.  These words don't make sense if we do not know the cultural and social implications on their success. In short, their success aren't something that clock-worked overnight. Rather, they are series of little events in life that snowballed to their success.

The 10,000 Hours Rule
It starts by hard work. In the book it is said that to master a certain skill one, in average, needs to invest 10,000 hours into it. Bill Gates did; Bill Joy did; I did. To look back in the past, I spent the entire years between 7-12 years old in badminton. I went to school, I came back home to finish my homework, I went for badminton training. That's Mondays to Fridays. On Saturdays, either we did fitness training (which I often skipped because of Art tuition class), or we did jogging in Kuching Reservoir Park. In December we would have a month break, and I pretty much spent all those time either in Peninsula Malaysia, or travelling somewhere in other countries. In short, I definitely hit the 10,000 hours mark. In fact, I think I'm considered below average to have invested so much time in badminton and still play with my current standard. I was never proud of it. But that's another story that I might share next time. Yes might. But that explains why I am much better than average in badminton. This is one of my little successes in life, and it concurred to this rule. The other example to this is my DotA career. But let's not go into this.

Opportunities
In short, it is something that is presented to us. God's providence. The Beatles, yes John Lennon, Paul McCartney, George Harrison, and Ringo Starr. The Beatles were given rare opportunities that forced them to perform lots of hours. That's why they were good. My dad was very particular about art (let's not keep obsessed with my badminton story), and sent us to drawing classes. That's why I sort of good in drawing. Joy Bill spent phenomenon of time in the Computer Center in Michigan University.

"How much time did I spend there? Oh, a phenomenon amount of time. It was open twenty-four hours. I would stay there all night, and just walk home in the morning. In an average week in those years, I was spending more time in the Computer Center than on my classes."

Michigan, in those years, was one of the universities that allowed hundreds of students to do programming simultaneously.

Legacy
As Asians we were always being joke that Asians are good in Maths. And being an Asian, most of the times I would just laughed that off. But the fact is true. We remembered numbers differently than the Westerns do. We read fractions different than the Westerns. We perform mathematical calculations different than, at least, the Germans do. We said 二十三 (two-tens-three), instead of twenty-three, or drei und zwanzig (three-and-twenty). This is one of the example of legacy advantages that contributes (I don't imply it "must make us") to the effectiveness of Asians in mathematics.

In primary and secondary school times, we had classes from 8am-1pm, and co-curricular activities after that. We don't have long summer breaks. Our year end break is perhaps as long as the winter break in Europe. That means we spent more time in academic sessions than the Europeans. Imagine if this has become a lifestyle of an Asian, if we continue to apply this cultural advantages in academic wise, it shouldn't be a surprise that Asians are better than the Europeans in sum, no? (Shucks, why am I still so poor in studies?)

Sufficient is enough
I always think that if I want to do something, I want to be the best. How to be the best? The easiest way is to compare with the rest of the people who are in the same boat as you. I want to be the smartest. The fastest one to come out with mathematical solutions to given question. And I realized that the more I compare, the more I was demotivated. I am not the smartest, not even in my peers. I'm not the most handsome one. I'm not the best student. Not the best DotA player. Not the most gifted with talents. Then the thought goes on: Then what for am I investing time into doing certain things if I'm not able to come out as the best one in the end?

"Hard work is a prison sentence only if it does not have meaning. Once it does, it becomes the kind of thing that makes you grab your wife around the waist and dance a jig."

Understanding why I need to work hard, despite I'm not the cleverest. Understanding why I need to do, despite the outcome might not be as expected. The reason is simple, though it seemed so sophisticated: By doing it I give myself a chance to step forward; By doing it I let myself to walk on the water; By doing it it leaves no room for me to regret, because I've given my best; By doing it I won't end up crying and complaining and pouting about how life is unfair to me. Life is never fair the moment even I don't give myself a chance. 

So what's next for me?
After reading the book, I realized that this (im-)perfectionism stopped me from putting effort into things. I always thought I'm hardworking enough - I thought through things enough, I put a lot of effort into from studying, to chasing girls, to... you name it. The fact is, I'm merely scratching the surfaces. I didn't think deep enough. I remembered last time - long long time ago - that my mentor asked me to write down my identity. I did. But I just stopped there. To recall back, I guess that was the time when he read this book Outliers as well.

Now I understand why I need to know my identity. It is through these properties that I can determine what the next steps could be. It is through these "Eigenschaften" that I can dream - a dream where the chase has a base to kick-start. It is through these identities that I know how to be grateful. Counting the blessings aren't enough, to me. Knowing what are you doing with these blessings is far more important. It's like Parable of the talents. But I've been taking all these providence for granted. I've worked with aces people. I've been into two house churches with totally different leadership styles and now I'm leading one myself. I've been blessed with mentors of different styles which none of my church friends here has had before. I've been to what was the finest schools, both primary and secondary, in Kuching. I was privileged to be under Sarawak Badminton Association "Project Player" Program. Both my parents were academic excellence in those years. I've been blessed with an almost-ten-years-already scholarship from the government. I am a Malaysian who speaks Chinese, Malay, English, German, Hokkien, Teochew, Cantonese and un poco español. The list goes on, and if I could just make full use of some of these blessings... If I could just stay focused on Jesus when He asked me to walk on the water... And if I could just surrender my love life totally to God instead of crying over the same issue over and over again... And if I could, quoting Nike, just do it...

I always have had dreams. The unrealistic ones.

In 2014, I want to rediscover my identity, to build confidence, and to march on towards my dreams - the newly defined dreams.

You who reads, please lend me hands.

第一个清晨 - 王力宏

..::*+ Small Talk +*::..

他要结婚了...

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[Verse1]
光投进爱 把梦刷白
舍不得你会醒过来
不要现在 昨夜走太快 哦…
说不上来 隐隐藏在胸口一块
吻你脸颊 证明此刻真的存在

[Pre-Chorus]
是你让我相信爱 对我慷慨
是爱我们是注定不是意外

[Chorus]
这是爱 我们的爱
还不确定却好实在
把你贴在胸怀
静静的代替表白
才不愿放开

这是爱 给你的爱
没名字却停不下来
在忐忑里期待
雀跃中想到未来是你我才明白
这就是爱

[Verse2]
但梦还在
小心不让你醒过来
也许现在
就是永恒的未来

[Bridge]
第一个我们的清晨
迷人和默契都是你的
无限可能
言语都显得太肤浅

Here's to a quarter of century

..::*+ Small Talk +*::..

Sometimes the reason is simple, it is the inability of human by default to see the future - that's the thing that makes 'future' sounds so scary. I don't want to change the status quo that I'm experiencing. Despite the fact that changes could be good, I would like it to stay as it is now. It's not because I don't want it to be better, but I don't want it to be worse.

It is indeed such times - this kind of dilemma - that we, as Christians, choose to have faith in another divine power - God. I choose to believe that He is in-charge.

Despite the fact that my own desire is to be with you right now. It is because I love, that I understand now that, giving without expecting even a return is so hard to do.

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It is after a quarter of century I slowly don't really care about the amount of wishes I get from other people on my birthday. Or rather I don't want to care. I was clearing my mailbox and for sure the amount of Facebook notification emails was lesser compared to that of last year. The very one whom I desired to hear a wish from didn't wish me. It didn't really matter though - because I have been living in this world for a quarter of a century.

That means something.

I would say my greatest birthday gift was the experience that I collected in the past few weeks. Experience and the encounter with God. I took my initiative, to take back up the cross, and put it across my shoulder. Quite literally, actually. I bought a non-metal necklace, put in the cross I bought more than 6 years ago. I picked up my cross. To walk again alongside with Him. To read on His Word. To reflect upon myself. To listen back to the prophecy that was spoken to me...

So real, God is.

Imagine that you're about to take an exam. And you have been studying since a week ago. But you understood nothing. Even until 4 hours before exam. You woke up. You just prayed, "God, I would really need some comfort now." Then you open and read your devotional material. And God said, the storm that seems to be too big for you, it's just a small fragment of issue compare to the great big picture that God has for you. The timing couldn't been better.

God is greater, in short.

25 years old. Life seems a little different. The journey has changed its course. 

God remained faithful.

Despite the very late timing, happy birthday to myself!