The happiest thing in your life is the most hurtful one.
Because you care.

The Best, or not the Best, yet :P

I think it is always good that once a while one is reminded that he is far from being the best.

It has been almost 3 years since I came Germany and I was always proud of myself to be one of the best badminton players among my circle, if not the best :P I’m not saying that other people suck in badminton, but well, they’re not as good as me and I can win any game easily.

But I guess God has a better plan for my personal and spiritual growth. Since this semester I have been going to badminton alone for quite some times. Those who used to go with me are either graduated and moved to other places to study/work, or went back to Malaysia, or long-term injured, or found themselves stuck in school projects and labs. Most of the time I wasn’t informed until 19:36h when I didn’t see either of them in the bus with number 61. This seem-to-be-unfortunate situation forced me to really approach the Germans to play with them.

Being passive as usual, I stood there alone and waited for other people to come and make me feel not left-out play with me. But since early this semester I decided, for now, that I want to stay longer in Germany. So I decided to brave myself up and approach the cold-ice Germans.

The decision was never easy and once a while I got demotivated. There are some Germans who generally dislike us, the so-called Ausländer (foreigners). Maybe it’s some kind of prejudices, just like how we look at the Bangladesh labors back in Malaysia. But God is gracious. He kept my heart firm and pressed on to go to play badminton; to continue to burn my passion. Although I must say sometimes I do really enjoy the pissed-look by the German (let’s be a little particular) to see that I mix among them.

So time flew just like that and today I am who I should have been since 2 years ago. The feeling is just like playing Need For Speed: Most Wanted: I climbed the “ladder”; started by playing with some old uncles and aunties, I was “promoted” to play with the young teenagers (those 17-20), then I played with the second best… And yesterday was the highlight of my badminton “career” in Germany – I was invited to play alongside with the 3 best players of the club. Yea, I asked to play with them, but I didn’t expect the best player actually asked 2 of his mates to join in.

Well, after so long, it’s good to be one of the weakest among the four. I felt like I had to “apologize” for making stupid unforced errors, and not keeping the standard of the game. Well, normally I do like to disrupt the flow and tempo of a game, but not like this. Haha. My partner and I lost by a little points behind, 19-21, 17-21. It made me really realized that I am not the best, yet. Okay I know you might feel like “duhhhhhhh!” or “Ahboh?”, but wait till the time when you’re in that same shoe, like I in mine, you will know how I feel. If you get what I mean. :P

Despite that, it was definitely fun and such a pleasure to play in a high-level game; I never sweat so much before, I never run until my gastrocnemius muscles exhausted; I never feel so frustrated before; I never have my best smashes returned rather “cheaply”; but best of all – I never notice that my best is as today my weakness. My backstrokes and overheads used to be so good that made me a Single-Player. My favorite shot to take used to be sky high base-line lob-shots or services, but I realized it is my weakness now. Well, gotta work out something on it.

“Wir müssen oft zusammenspielen.” It means “we must play together frequently” and that’s what they told me every time. To hear them telling me to play with them so that I can continue to be better is definitely something I am proud of. To see them got frustrated to my “unpredictable” trademark shots is definitely “encouraging”. To see them letting the shots drop to the ground and realize that it is on-the-line and got pissed is definitely such a teaser. Oh I am such a sadist.

It was definitely a good start. There were definitely some points during the process to exert the feeling to give up inside me. And it is definitely the best so-far and better next-times in the future.

My goal? I wish to be the best in the club. :)

Oh, forgot to mention the hot Madame! Nah, she is just someone who likes to find me to play badminton. She was the one who brought me in to play with the teenagers :) And I am really grateful for the hook-up, though I haven’t catch her name yet.

It’s also great to see that they actually want to offer me a ride home after game. Anyone lives in direction Flein? Haha. Hope they’re not plotting something evil, but what I am thinking though!

 

This post is not meant to show off, but rather collecting pieces of sweetest memories in this cold-cold land. :)

*gratefully* Thank GOD!

Between Collectivistic and Individualistic

I was reminded of this psychological observation:

Question 1:
In which kind of culture (collectivistic or individualistic) do ppl experience more loneliness?

Question 2:
which culture would there be more crime?

Question 3:
which culture would ppl experience the most happiness?

It's funny to see that the answer for all the three questions is individualistic.

Yes, we both agree they're arguable, but based on what I observed in lives of the people around me, I guess it is true.

It's just that there is one problem: they masked it up very well. They are so defensive, that you can't even have a heart-to-heart talk with those individualists about their private lives. It'll take years and maybe not even success, to step into those people's mind and know what are they thinking.

That is what that makes them tend to do something. Something abnormal, for example crime. That explains also the reason they experience the most happiness. But for that it'll have to be broken down into the characteristics and personalities of the person him-/herself. If they are to have strong drive, they can be most successful and thus to have greater joy. And to achieve something based on yourself - what else can be proud of other than yourself?

That is what that makes these people to suffer loneliness. Because of their I-can-depend-on-myself attitude, they form a barrier against the society, with the thought that they can survive the world without other people. They are the people who don't believe in "gemeinsam sind wir stark" ideology. Or "if we are together nothing is impossible. If we are divided all will fail" by Winston Churchill. Or "一木木，二木林，三木森，单丝不成线，独木不成林". They are the people who think that the people around them are not as good as them, and if they are, they will compete just to win against them. In short, they want to be "the one" in their cloud. These are the people who dominate, or want to dominate the high class in the social hierarchy, which also on the feedback make them to be "unfriendable". Or at least they are the people whom I feel uncomfortable to befriend with.

I'm not saying they're just who they are. I'm not going to cast them aside. It's just that I believe in any relationship, both sides have to do something to make the relationship work. I've seen people struggling hard and managed to get themselves out of the hole. These are the people who I want to be like one: successful, energetic, active, proactive, strong; a man of vision and character, a king; a man of power and strength, a warrior; a man of faith and wisdom, a mentor; and at the same time understanding, empathetic; a man of heart and love, a friend.

What do you think?


p/s: It's dangerous to see how much my mind can ripple from those 3 questions. :P
p/p/s: Thanks Gloria Tsan for the 3 questions.

Just in case you haven’t know me, I don’t like to give up on what I want.

Rubbishes I created I will clean up, just don’t stir something in me.

Neither like the idea of jumping into my way.

Roar. U n U n U.

I.bite.

I don’t like it.

Time is short.

And I don’t like it.

Please slow down the time.

It’s GOSSSSHHHH-y December now.

:(

And my milestones only a tid-bit reached.

 

Focus, focus.

!TGIF!

They just snap me, that:-

1. I get tired quite easily – I would consider my current status as fatigue, as contrary to what I always thought about myself – I’m a healthy little boy, at least I thought I was. Having myself under lot’s of works and appointments and lectures a week, I found myself already burnt out during the midday. But it always good when days with Cell Group and Church Meetings/Services – I feel recharged.

2. I am not a good leader. I think I am a good team player; I can support, but I’m still in lack of skills to lead. Despite I always think that “if only I were given the chance”, but I realized I’m unequipped.

3. Workaholic. Somehow despite the tiredness, I found myself actually enjoying about my works and constantly curious about how things works. I found myself actually rising hand in lecture classes whenever I find something that my neighbors don’t understand as well.

4. Bigger dreams. I realized my dreams had been short-sighted like my eyes and I have not set something really far and wide enough for me. I actually laughed at myself for having all those childish ambitions; dreams that would never come true; false hallucinations that play only in my brain – that are far-fetched, these are the things to be left behind, and focus more on what God has really put around me. I should be grateful.

5. It’s always good to be consistently going for badminton. I am actually looking forward to every Mondays and Fridays. Not because of some chicks around or whatsoever but it is a good chance of me to train my German language than only returning them a smile whenever they talk to me. I am playing with Germans every badminton days since the beginning of this semester and honestly, I’m proud of that.

7. It takes some ice-breaking time to actually take the initiatives to know my fellow German friends. After 3 years of spending time together, I should’ve have better relationships with them by now. Time to catch up.

8. Studies are starting to exert their loads on me. But I don’t want to give up now. I just can’t, not now, not after so far I’ve been. My prayer is that God to provide me strengths that I need each day.

9. Sleeping disorder starts affecting me. Insomnia? I found myself sleeping at 12 midnight and woke up at 3 something for almost the whole week. What is wrong?

10. My quiet time is affected by my sleeping disorder. I shall try use my nocturnal-hours for my quiet time huh?

 

Then again, T.G.I.F.!

Matthew 4: 1-11

When the world turns around, you’ll understand that none of the earthly things that you are currently hold on to will remain.

When Jesus returns for the second time, you’ll realize that the worldly fame and honor and praises and achievements will be wiped off, just like that.

When the spills out, you’ll realize that your recklessness has its own price to pay.

Then again, what was/am I doing now? It was such a simple question for myself each day as self-check tool. I went after earthy matters. I chased after my own pleasures. I acted when I was supposed to wait. I exploded when I was supposed to be calm. My speech, it doesn’t reflect of who or what I want to be. My thoughts weren’t on You, when all these while I am always in Your thoughts.

I feel ashamed. Despite being merely 2 years plus Christian, I am ashamed of myself. I could recall tons of situations when I fell over to temptations rather than standing in it.

As soon as Jesus got baptized the Spirit led him into the desert to be tempted. After 40 days and 40 nights fasted, the Devil took the chance while he was in hunger to tempt him.

Jesus didn’t turn the stones into bread to feed his hunger. He didn’t obey Devil’s temptation. Despite his weary physically, and although he is able to turn the stones into bread, he answered instead, “it is written, ‘man does not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God’”.

The Devil brought him to the highest point of the temple and in Jerusalem, and asked him to jump down, for it is written that God will command angels to concern him, that he will not touch a stone on the ground. Personally, I would just jump down and be saved and boast to the devil, that God will indeed save me. But Jesus didn’t do so. Instead, he answered, “it is also written, ‘do not put the Lord your God to the test.’”

Again without giving up, Devil brought him to a very high mountain and showed him the kingdoms of the world and their splendors, offering to him, if only he bow down and worship the Devil. But Jesus didn’t do so. He commanded the Devil to leave him, quoting from the old scripture, saying “worship the Lord your God, and serve Him only.”

The Devil left in the end. Looking at it, one might think it is just some normal story-tale. But if you look clearly, those temptations are exactly the weaknesses of us all. The first temptation is to tempt our basic physical needs: food, water, air, sex…

The second temptation is to tempt our faith. Faith is believing in what is unseen. And personally, theoretically it’s easy. But when it comes to real life, when all the things that you hold on to are depending on this faith, not many can really keep this kind of faith. When death lands its claws on you and dragging your life away, are you still able to hold on to this faith?

The third temptation is to tempt our pride, wealth and power. Are we willing to give up all the authorities and power and wealth that we have for this faith in God? Are we willing to humble down and be servant of Christ than be a worldly king that owns whatever there is on the earth? Bear in mind as well all things are created by Him and to Him and for Him. Where am I?

I want to have this kind of faith. I want to live a holy living and not just flowing around. I don’t want to follow the flow of the world, but to live according to His purposes and wills for me. I want to store my rewards in heaven. I want to do things for God. I want to rejoice in the Lord. I will have adequate of living, for my God will provide me not more nor less. I want to stand up in the midst of all these temptations. That is why, some old habits should be given up. Some old thinking must be given up. Some dearly feelings that I hold on to, they must be put down. For my mind is not even an inch as great as His. Teach me Lord, to really be still and know that You are my God. Open my eyes and my heart, to listen to You and to work Your will. Give me the heart to rejoice in You, for You are God alone, in both good times and bad. Teach me, to let go and let You. Break me down to build me up. Let Your Words to be heard by me.

“Surely goodness and love will follow me all days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever.”
Psalms 23:6