..::*+ Small Talk +*::..
Sorry for the sudden burst of blog posts. Hey at least I updated this blog right? and the extra effort to change the theme if you haven't notice them. Been around for quite some time already.
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When it comes to future, I'm always unsure about myself. A part of wants to be a specialist. I don't mind sitting in front of computer facing thousands (yes, literally) lines of programming codes without finding it bored. On the other hand, what I'm doing with my studies now is exactly the opposite - being a Automatisierungstechniker (someone who makes automate things) - I only need to have generally sufficient knowledge to put mechanical, electrical, economical, social etc. world into one automated, ideal world. Sounds pretty good, but for now I'm stuck in limbo state - I'm half a bucket of everything.
Why do I say this? I recalled myself telling my mentor that I want to be a specialist in one of his think-tank working groups during Malaysian Christian Network (MCN) meetings. I was kinda sure back then. Today in my Innovationsmanagement (it's German but you figured out what it means don't you) lecture, our professor invited a CEO from one of the founder of
O-Flexx GmbH to give a speech. His name is Holger Ulland and he was a mechanical engineering student in this very university - Universität Duisburg-Essen - the one I'm currently studying in. You can even find him in
YouTube. O-Flexx is a company that was found in 2006 and they are working on thermoelectric generators. Quite impressive according to his presentation about the company.
So what's the relation? He studied mechanical and he found the company together with another guy who studied electronics. But he's dealing with administration and sales sides of the company while the other deals with the technical side. Yes, administration. But that's not the whole story yet: He's somewhat like me - he's a feeler and emotional (yeah, he somewhat emotionally confessed that out of thin air, which I thought it was unnecessary), which is exactly the kind of person who shouldn't be going into administration side at all. Those are considered weaknesses that can potentially be harmful to the company. I always thought that people like us - the feeler - cannot go far in terms of running a company. How devastating it could be when we exert too much emotions during decision making.Yet there he is, standing live in front of me, talking to us.
The leadership position doesn't belong to those who think, those who have visions, those who are bold in making decisions, even if it could risk the survivability of the company itself. Indeed everyone, including the feelers, can be in that leadership position in a company. In my context it is the house church that I am leading now.
I've been rethinking about my stand regarding the specialist or generalist topic for quite some time already. At the end of the lecture he told us one important message that left me wondering, hard. To the extend that I missed my tram back. The next one is 30 mins later by the way.
He said, we as soon-to-be graduates should start thinking (if haven't) our own strengths and work in towards field (Meh!). Unlike sports, our weaknesses in professions are just normal and cannot be work on. It is our strength that makes us excel in what we do. I know I've heard similar statements from people around me, but this time, coming from people like him, the statement is somewhat clearer. I belong to one of those who hasn't really think much about what my strengths are. And not just that, the false humility that has plagued the Chinese community seems to be strong in me as well. It's still a struggle to accept it when people praise me in things that I do well in. Except badminton, I have long passed that struggle because I know I'm good in it.
That causes me to hold back of my thoughts and ideas. It is because I think there must be someone who has better ideas than I do, although most of the times it turned out that my ideas weren't too shabby after all. It is also because I want to give absolute truth. I don't want to give thoughts to people if I myself do not sure 100% whether it will turn out good or not. And I don't like the idea to point people towards certain direction or imparting ideas on them, because it leaves a trail back to me, if the situation turns out to be bad (
"He told me so!"). I had done these quite a few times and I blamed myself hard for that after that. I didn't want to take the blame for decisions make by others. Anything except when it comes to my faith in Christ.
The person who doubts and remain immobile will always be the one who accomplishes nothing in the end. The one who dares to make a move will find out whether the outcome is good or bad. The outcome for those who doesn't will remain as what we called Schrödinger-cat observation - You know it could be good or bad, but you are not certain which one of the two.
It takes wisdom, then, before making a bold move. It also takes courage to bear the consequences, especially when things don't turn out to be what we expected. Then it takes courage again to recover from the fall.
It doesn't matter if we stumble or not, but how fast we can (and want to) recover when we fall.
So the lesson for me to learn here is to be bold to take move. Such a revelation and reminder as I start to doubt myself, not just as a master student, but also as a house church leader.
Hope these stick this time.
