中文版 - 我的丑陋10样

..::*+前言+*::..
最近大家都奇奇怪怪的，一位一位都用华文来写部落。再次又被大家的“疾病”感染上了，心血来潮，虽然事实上我是真的很累，但我也再次来个华语版部落吧！
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祈豪啊祈豪，有时候总觉得自己也是个大骗子，明明说好的东西，答应过的肯定，却到头来牛头不对马脚，还要找各种不同但新鲜的借口来欺骗别人。常常告诉自己，能做得到的事情才去接受，办不到的就让别人去干，或许效果会比较好。但固执的我却样样都吭起来，以为自己是超级英雄，到头来成事不足，败事有余。对着自己傻笑，装可爱，扮酷！冷...

1. 想起当时，答应了嘉进前辈要开始读 "The Purpose Driven Life" ，答应了40天无中断30分钟来研究书里的知识。到了现在，这诺言也应该有一个月了吧？但那本书还是摆在书架上没动过，盛灰尘。可笑不可笑？

2. 还记得当年，我对他说，我和她只是朋友罢了，我怎会喜欢她？结果，我反了口，和他惹来了不少的相煎，翻了几个小时的脸，吵了不少的架。虽然现在答应自己和主，只保持现有的感情，其他的让祂来决定，但这颗心，还是主最了解。叹...

3. 也还记得当年，我对他说，我是真的真的很爱她，她是我的唯一，还发什么誓的，说永远只会爱她一个，还对他说了什么像香港连续剧里的“你要好好照顾她”之类的对白。但现在不但忘了她是我的前女友，还互相吵了起来，搞到朋友都不知还是不是。朋友一块儿去巴黎游玩，她连约我一份都没有，你说好笑不好笑？

4. 第一天正式成为基督教徒，答应了自己，天天晚上睡觉之前要读经文、祷告、感恩主，结果现在把电脑和互联网当成是神之类的，天天对着它，甚至忘了主，想起想起都有不少惭愧。

5. 来了德国，答应自己，要好好读书，用心听课，不明白就请教老师，要抱着打破沙锅问到底的精神，努力向学，做好榜样，洁身自爱，不懒懒散散，天天进步。结果在班上，最成功的只不过是问身旁德国人一些简单的问题罢了。想当年还说什么不再看女子，别再犯同样的错误。结果不知谁昨天在法国还说有个中国女孩挺可爱一些的... =.= 真是的！3年前在INTEC当时好像也说过一模一样的话...

6. 当天，告诉妈妈我会好好照顾自己，省点钱，别让家人担心... 3年前也说了同样的话，结果不知打了几通电话回家求援助，现在我们华人银行里钱最少的是我，但房间里也没什么超级超贵的物品，钱去了哪儿？唯一的可能性只有肚子... 哦对了！还有19欧元还摸不着去了哪儿...

7. 说来说去有时候觉得自己其实已经蛮成熟一下的，是她不懂得珍惜我罢了，但有时候，自己做了一些傻的东西，还大骂自己该死！她是该离开我的 =.=

8. 更记得当年，我说我永远不会和他做好朋友的，结果现在关系还挺好的！永远恨他？突然间觉得我真是太温柔了...

9. 答应了嘉进前辈很多东西，我看到头来他真的会笑爆了肚子。

10. 最惨的是，答应了主许多东西，不再做一些不健康的活动，吃不健康的东西，但到头来，诱惑还是战胜了理性，想起来，今天又犯了这个规，真想哭...

叹~为什么我总是这样子的？20岁要到了，老了老了，但性格还向一个小孩的。救救我啊！
只希望自己会好一些...

不过说实在的，自从有了主，我的生活开始美妙起来了！安娜、昌顺说得对：

人在成长过程中，难免会遇到挫折，
懂得保护自己，也要懂得爱自己，
生命的乐章要看你自己如何去谱写！
躲避不一定躲得过，面对不一定最难受，
得到不一定能长久，失去不一定不再有，
转身不一定最软弱，别急着说别无选择，
别以为世界上只有对与错，许多事情的答案都不只一个，
所以我们永远都有路可以走，
你能找到理由难过，也一定能找到快乐，
懂得放心的人找到轻松，
懂得遗忘的人找到自由，
懂得关怀的人找到朋友！

很多人在我生命中最黑暗的阶段给了我不少的支持，鼓励，劝导，问候，温暖，安心... 我感激的心、回复都还没给他们，但我还是要说：“谢谢你们，我的朋友！”

每当我再度回我那本纪念册，唯一的遗憾是不知那群整天把事情搞得鸡犬不宁的小朋友们在里面写了些什么韩语，想找人来翻译又怕他们写我的坏话，真是的！不过，每一次读起那本书，眼泪都会自然而然的留了下来。感动...哭了一整晚，泪水也不知陪伴了我多少个晚上，模模糊糊的睡着在泪海里...

法国之旅，下一封部落再谈吧！现在该歇息几天，好好整理那300++张的照片！



祈豪

A crying heart

Talk about life... Why things have to be like this?
Malaysians, the so-called-to-be-well-known Malaysians... This is how you look like actually?

To walk this sort of path? To steal, to rob, to beat, to hit, to punch, to injure?
To talk with boast, to be impatient?
To say without meaning it, to do without thinking it?
To take life for granted? To look at life easily? To take other people's life easily?

Come on. I want to be proud of being a Malaysian. But born in the same country with the sorts like you, how can I call myself a truly Malaysian? Shame filled within me because of you people.

Where is your humanity, oh Malaysians? Similar incident happened in Germany, the political parties roared. In Malaysia, it is all normal. Peaceful and harmony. The fatique mask.

Malaysians. You name yourself. You think twice before you do things.

At last, he is still in hospital, laying unconcious. What actually had happened, I don't know. Condition might not be good. Life might at the gate between living and dead. If you hear me, guilty will you feel? If you did it, remorse will you have? If it happened to you, will you want it to be like this?

Generations overtake generations. When good replaced by bad. When bad replaced by worse. When worse replaced by worst. When worst replaced by evil. An evilutionary of human.

In less than 20 years celebrates him a century. Yet dare you did it. Where is your human sense?

Malaysians.
Tears leaking from my heart. Disappointment filled my mind.

Crying, is how I describe my heart.

Please, grow up.

Please, pray for my grandfather.

GET WELL SOON. Yahweh Rophe, the LORD who heals, hear the prayer of this crying heart, that You will heal him, oh LORD. Take away the pain, heal his wounds, recover his conciousness. In Jesus's most mighty name I pray.

Vincent

Wonderful weekend @ Konstanz

Chicken chicken chicken... Cute cute cute!

I really like this design. See there're words on the wall? It's not projectiled, but it's what we call application of physic - Light absorbtion principle.

The steamboat...

Me playing guitar. Can consider to join the "Jiwang" group LoL.

I am still learning - learn how to take a nicer photo

It has been a tiring weekend. It has been yet another record week for me. It has been another weekend that I really felt exhausted. It has been another weekend that I very happy with. It was a weekend that was very relaxing, enjoying, being myself, my laughter, my life.

..Day 1..

A sum of last week gave me a sigh. Lectures that I didn't understand. I fell asleep unwilling in Grundlagen Technischen Zeichnen. I did not want to, I did not mean to. Sigh. Anyway, I spent a whole dreadful Thursday afternoon watching over my beloved watch, just to see the time seconds by seconds ticked away. At last, 1530pm! I picked up my bag, half-running back to my hostel. I couldn't wait. A weekend mini-trip!

I packed up my stuffs and ran to bus stop. Due to some unpunctuality of the bus, I missed my train. So need to wait at Train station. I bought a birthday car for Ah Pau. People were 21 years old. I'm still 19. Swt. Can't wait to taste the sensation of changing from 20-21. Will be very meaningful, aye?Anyway, Pau's birthday was celebrated at KFC. Yes, there is one at Untertürkheim. Heilbronn don't have, luckily. Anyway, it was a fun day.

..Day 2..

The next day I did nothing but starring in front of my laptop that I brought along. Hoping to chat to some of people. People who I care and appreciated, and love. Sadly, NONE of them replied. Anyway, thank you, Ah Yu, for accompaniying me throughout the lonely morning and afternoon. After that, we had brief dinner and went to church. We had small prayers and talked about FreundeKries. We had an evening service, and we overnighted once again in church. I like overnighting in church. A place where I can really lay down and rest.

..Day 3: Konstanz Missionary Trip..

We were supposed to depart at 6.30am, but thanks to me, we departed at 7.00am. Sigh. Reached Konstanz around 9.30am and were welcomed by "Andersen's brother". He' just a senior who currently doing Diplomarbeit (if not mistaken) at Friedrichshafen. His name is Zhang Zi, but I gave him that name because he really looked like Andersen of ALG11 =.= I really thought he is his brother. Anyway, went in the common kitchen room and were welcomed by Kie Yee, who was preparing breakfast for us. After our stomach was filled with food, we went to the hostel's special room, especially for Christianity activities. We sang some songs and played some musics with guitar. Then Steffen, our church leader, gave us talk about the vision of the church. It was supposed to be 4 2-hours sessions, but was summarized into 2 hours. Although it was just brief, but we, especially Daniel and me, got to know the vision of the church. Then we went for lunch and went to watch the aweful Arsenal vs limpy Liverpool. Sorry not to insult these both teams, but that match was quite tensed and didn't look nice at all.

Then we had football session. In the end, I think I scored only a goal. But the pain from the badminton competition in Ulm is still taking its toll on me. Pain. Tired. Then we went for a steamboat dinner! Home-made of course, and I really enjoyed the session. We learnt each other more, we understand others more. The food was simply amazing and nice to be in my mouth. I missed food in Malaysia. After dinner, we enjoyed playing musics. Not just Christian songs, but also some famous songs like those from Beyond, Jay Chou, Robbie Williams, Ronan Keating, etc. It was a great time there. I really enjoyed the night very much. After the tiring session, we all went to sleep. I slept on the floor, hid inside a sleeping bag, which made me look exactly like a caterpillar. :)

..Day 4: Church ..

We departed at 10.30am to come back to Stuttgart, after we had our breakfast. After we came back, had some rest and lunch, then we started our Sunday Service. It was, as usual, great and Steffen gave wonderful speech and discussed just a small quote from 1 Corinthians 16:19-24:

Final Greetings

The churches in the province of Asia send you greetings. Aquila and Priscilla greet you warmly in the Lord, and so does the church that meets at their house. All the brothershere send you greetings. Greet one another with a holy kiss.

I, Paul, write this greeting in my own hand.

If anyone does not love the Lord - a curse be on him. Marana tha (Come, O Lord!)

The grace of the Lord Jesus be with you.

My love to all of you in Christ Jesus. Amen.

Just this small part in the ending of 1 Corinthians Steffen talked a lot to us. Things that I never thought of, things that I've forgotten... He reminded me. After some refreshments we had Lobpreis and after that, we set our foot back to Heilbronn.

It was indeed a great time in Konstanz. It was the second place we came, if you insisting to count Frankfurt as the first place. Anyway, it was great to return to see the sceneries once again. It looked so nice. I wonder how will it look like during summer? Heard that it would be very very nice. i wish to pay another visit there some time in the future.

I'm so excited over guitar. Can't stop myself from strumming it. Want to learn more about guitar. Started to gather some guitar chords and scores for Christians songs. Hope one day I can serve in church. A longtime planning :)

Actually I want to thank Steffen a lot too. Awhile ago I prayed to God to help me find back the reasons of my life. This and that emo posts told you I was bugged by problems, if you got follow up my blog. And God just answered my prayers by sending brother Steffen to show me the way. Now I'm really cheered up again. I found again the "Uhmm~~~" to go on my life again. Thank you, both Steffen and God. You are very magnificent. God is real, all the time :)

Well, if you are someone who care about me, love me, think of me, consider me as a friend, or whatever, if you have free time, please include me in your prayer. I am currently not fully recovered, and the badminton competition in Nice, France will take place in this coming weekend. I need to have faith in Him. I need strength. I need His strength again. I know clearly, without His help, I cannot do this alone. Me myself is not enough. Therefore, please pray for me so that I can win this competition. Dato' Seri Hishammudin Tun Hussein Onn will be there. I will have dinner with him too. I need to wear back the formal shirt that I left behind in the closet. It will surely be another wonderful memory in Germany. But ultimately, I will pray really hard and faithfully this week. I just wish that I can win this time too. Help me ya! Thank you in advance.

Pray truely for me, and I'll treat you all, like what I did last time. Haha. Just kidding. If so I'll go broke. But anyway, pray for me. It is really something that will be very meaningful in my life. Okie?

Vincent

Testimony 1: MGSS Badminton Competition 2008

..::*+ Small Talk +*::..
Well, I guess I want to keep a known records of His works and miracles in my life. I want to tell everyone that He's alive in me.
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I felt so grateful now. It was indeed a great time during my stay at Ulm. I had wonderful time there. I knew more and better about the seniors. I enjoyed touring around. I had my first sweetest memory in Germany.

After winter, spring will come eventually. After hiding in trees for a period of time, the squirrels come out to enjoy the sunshine. After being dead for such a long time, the flowers and grasses grow again. After being such a sad winter time, the surprising spring comes.

Yes. I had lots of people to thank for the gold medal that I earned. First and foremost, I’m very grateful to Amir, for all the troubles to snap photos for me. I thank my fellow friends, for giving me supports and cheers, especially during the final. I thank the audience, for watching my game. I thank Teong Hee, for giving me advices and supports and being my last-minute temporary coach. He was the one that reminded me about aiming future, but walking to the reality. About gaining points by points instead of reaching out far. I really felt thankful, because the whole day I was aiming for the gold medals only, without looking even at my own.

However, the One who I really thankful from the bottom of my heart is no one else other than my beloved God. It was another moment where I really shout out loud: “God is REAL, ALL THE TIME!” Without Him, I could not even win this defeating-to-be match. The final match.

I started my games with just simple prayers, and not really seriously asking God to lead me, to be honest. And so my first match began – Men Single against my course mate a.k.a ex-classmate. I won, not quite easily. And then came my first Men Double. It’s alright. Not much problems, except some minor grunts. I started to get tired. Then my 2nd Men Double came. We drew the match. I was quite frustrated, as it was a match that we should have won. Sigh. Then my 2nd Men Single. The matches just went on, until semi-finals, where I met last year’s champion. He played too many games and was tired, so I won against him quite easily. But the pain, tiredness started to show their effects. I lost my semi-final Men Double.


Then my Men Single final came. I was really really tired, as played non-stop from before quarter-final until final. My opponent was Sashi, a super senior of mine. I played with him quite some times and I understand his playing styles, that’s why I knew, with my situation that time, there was no way for me to win at all. But still I continued to play. The first set was quite fast and I could hardly catch up his pace, as always. He is good in controlling shuttles, especially his unique cross-court netting. It is a technique that able to change direction of the shuttle in the last minute, so you will never know which way it will go. So, basically I looked foolish chasing the ball around. In advance, his shots were perfectly executed, so I lost my first set.

I was quite depressed that time, not to mention about how loud the crowds cheering for him. But I couldn’t blame them. I told myself, I need to analyze my first set. I put down my racket, looking at the court. My mind was spinning for ideas and my previous mistakes. Then, I closed my eyes. I placed the cross into my palm and talked to God in heart. Oh Father God, please give me strength. You know how much I wish to win this game. Please give me strength, just a little more, to finish this game. Whether it will be a win or a lose, it’s never mind. Take full charge of this game Lord, I surrender everything into Your hand. YOU PLAY THE GAME.

I opened my eyes, picked up my half-dying weapon, reloading myself with His power and continued. Everything started to go by my way. Strength flowed into me, not to mention the increment in accuracy of my shots. His work is very mysterious. I never see Him in real, but I felt His presence. With His reinforcement, I won the 2nd set.

The 3rd set went on. I was filled with supplies from the heaven – I felt tired too, but compare to before, I was stronger. Everything was going fine with me. I gained points by points. Victory approached. I could not believe that I won in the end. I won.


I won.


I won.


My tiredness, my fight.
His strength, His glory.

Yes. I praised Him for granting me this wish. A dream that I found back, finally. Although I didn’t win double-title, it was a great moment for me. A wonderful experience with God. I never know I will win. I was very tired. Imagine playing an important match after 12 matches. I cannot do it without Him. That’s why I felt thankful for Him. Our wonderful God had yet showed another miracle in my life. When I was weak, because of him, I was stronger.

My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.

2 Corinthians 12:9

Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be open to you.

Matthew 7:7

Believe in Him. Trust in Him. He is the LORD our God.


Vincent

A weekend in Ulm

Well well well. It was surely a tiring weekend. I'm surely very exhausted. I'm surely barely able to just turn my body. But I'm surely smiles for this wonderful week. It's beyond everything.

First of all, introducing my new baby - Sony Ericsson W910i + Speaker + headset + 1Gb M2 Memory Card + Data cable + Charger.

My baby - 20 Euro.

Nextly, after exploring my baby, transfered some Christian songs into it, let us go to Neu Ulm, where the sweetness continue to flow =)

Here we were, Ulm Hauptbahnhof (Ulm's main train station)

See some Leng lui to give you some good mood =)

Want to know how to smash? Let me teach you how:

Step 1: Take aim, hands and feet to respective positions,

Step 2: Jump (if you want jumping-smash), swing your hand,

Step 3: Hit! Simple? :P

The badminton players and fans :)

Oh ya, if you played around 8 matches, you will be seen:

Like this...

Or like this...

Or both... =)

Now then I realized this is how I look like when I smash. Style - 0 point =.=

This is my opponent.

These are my supporters... Where is my coach/manager? :P

Let see some of my bad looks:

Fall 1: Snapped.

Fall 2: Snapped..

Fall 3: Snapped...

Fall 4, 5,.. were not snapped. Injury? Unbelievable. =.=

Ok, this one is pre-captured before I slided down =.=

Ok, it was REALLY REALLY tiring. Imagine marathon, both Men Singles and Doubles... When reaching semi final for both, I was nearly a dead fish.

My tired look - 0,00 Euro.

Having muscle crammed and asked people to help - 6,00 Euro (for the treat after that =.=)

Winning medal and hamper - Around 20,00 Euro I guess?

Dinner treat because I won - 35,00 Euro.

The strangling picture of the finalists for the champion title - 59,99 Euro maybe?

A picture with super cool and pro players - 60,00 Euro maybe?

This is the 20 Euro (I guess it's that worth...) hamper

Cola, chocolates and golden easter bunny - 20 Euro.

A "Badminton Men Single Champion"-crafted gold medal in hand - Priceless.

Alright, alright, alright. I will not be proud any longer. Just that, the sensation when I was playing, the shoutings, the cheers, the advices, made me felt as if I'm playing a high level game =) I earned honour, proud and happiness. But it's all because of Him. I'll give my testimony in my next post.



Anyway, since we were here in Ulm, let us forget not to travel around.



Do you know that the famous white-haired once-everyone-hated-because-of-his-relativity-theory smart-genius Albert Einstein was born in Ulm. I think you do not know. So let me show you ok?

It was written: Hier stand das Haus, in dem am 14. März 1877, Albert Einsten zur Welt kam.

Translation: Here was the house, in which on the 14th March 1877, Albert Einsten came to the World.

Too bad his house was completely flatted during the World War.

Next, let me show you another piece of landmark in Ulm.

Introducing... The highest Church building...

In Ulm? Nah.

In Baden Württemberg? Nah.

In Germany? Nah.

In the WHOLE WORLD?

Genau~ (Precisely)

From far away we saw the building.

Came closer...

And closer...

Inside the church this is what we saw.

A set of bells that you can never imagine.

The last supper?

Some view...

Some picture...

Another view.

Ok, for your information, this building is 161.53m high containing 768 steps. But if you really want to visit this, go on summer, because during winter the staircase is slippery due to frozen ice thus visitors are not allow to go further than 78m high. More info? Go this link. Anyway, if you really excited, come Germany, I'll bring you around, if I have the time.

Some future updates: This coming weekend going Konstanz again (Missionary trip?), the weekend after it will go Nice, France for EUROGAMES (participated in Men Single and Men Double). Pfingsten might go to Köln for badminton competition (still doubting). If you have any ideas, please do advice me.

Front view...

Back view...

Gold Medal - my tiredness, my hardworking, His strength, His glory =)

Praise Him,

Vincent

Q \& A

Dear Qi Hao,

Why are you so troubled?

Why are you always having that sad look?

Why are you turning away?

Why do you let emotions conceal your direction?

Why do you let temptations overwhelm you?

Why are you running away?

Why are you lying to me?

Why are you so doubtful?

Why are you not strong?



Questions that peoples around me asked this week.
Questions that I asked myself this week.

Still, I couldn't find answers. The week is coming to its end. Badminton competition this weekend at Ulm.

HELP ME, PLEASE. Do you have answers for these?
*Sobs sobs sobs sobs sobs...

Vincent

I've grown wild...

Wow, so long don't have pictures right? Okie let me show you what happened when I went for shopping....

The blue thingy and the aluminium hanger

My Sörli Mirror - 5,00 Euro

Nike Running Shoe - 34,00 Euro

Reebok Fancy kena-cat-ed shoe - 17,49 Euro

Nike Classic long sleeve - 15,00 Euro

3 Pots and knife set from IKEA - 6,99 Euro & 2,49 Euro

My new "baby" Swatch IRONY Diaphane - 65,00 Euro

There were also stuffs like chopping board, mouse pad, hanger, of which I guess none of you interested in. So, let's go on introducing my friends in Germany.

Tadaa~ My unit-mates and their friends =)

The dark guy beside me is a Sri Lankian. He shifted out last thursday. Well, a bit sad too.

Oh ya, after 3 months, Heilbronn finally fell what some-people-called "dust" from the sky.

Oh yea, it's snow.

White cute snow fell all the way, turning the greens to the white, just like this:

Snow snow snow snow snow...

Turning this tree to have "Timberland" look.

Snow snow snow snow snow......

Haha... Snow... Something that I really wanted to see after my last time trip to Korea. I didn't see the flakes from the sky that time, but rather just some "leftover" on the ground. Guess I missed it about an hour or so. Anyway, to see snow falling from the top for the first time... to have snow landed on my cheek... to have to run in the snowing day... It's just wonderful :)

Well, after a good long break - Good Friday + Easter, although no church activity-, tomorrow will be lecture classes again. Things will be hard, again. Pray for me ya!

I want to cry, actually. I've been quite wild and bad lately. I did stuffs that I shouldn't do. I lied to friends around me. God's position in my heart trembled. I forgot my morning prayer. I forgot my night time bible reading. I played lots of games instead. I paid no attention to my studies during this weekend. Rather I spent a lot. I'm desperate of something else. I said "God has plan for me", but I didn't even go to understand Him. I commented other people's attitudes. I judged people around me. Why am I becoming weird lately? I want to cry.

Keep me strong, God. You know what I've done. You know I deserted myself to the dark again. You know everything when I lied. You know what I've done. Help me Lord, I need Your strength. I want to come back to the heart of worship, when all is about You. I'm a baby who crawls on the floor, learning to stand up for You, to reach out for You. I'm now lost and I can't find back myself without You. Light me up, Lord. Show me again the way just from the point before I walked myself lost. I've accumulated up bad elements in me again. I'm so sorry, Lord. I want to do what You want me to do. I want to do all Your things, not mine. I promise to do my best to do You will, to read the bible, and to grow into a better person, let it be spiritually, or my character. I will follow Your words. I will not dare to walk away anymore. I will not dare to act smart anymore. I'm sorry, Father God. :'(

I've done wrong, yet You never give up on me. I'll do everything with love from now on.

With tears,

Vincent