..::*+ Small Talk +*::..
broken because it is worthy to be whole again.
----
Read Job yesterday. And I don't think it's a coincidence that I was urged to read Job. I'm still at the first few chapters and I felt ditto to see Job and I are actually quite similar:
We are good thank-you-very-much when things around us are going bad. But not when things are happen in us. When things are happen in me. God made deal with Satan to allow him to tempt and test us. To test me. But this life - my life, your life, our lives - Satan cannot and will never able to take away from us. That of course, is beyond what we can bear already (1. Co. 10:13). As long as well live - no, I should say, as long as we live in God - our lives cannot be taken away from us, as we were already dead when we decided to give up our bad lives in exchange of another new, when Jesus died on the cross for us. It is our old lives that Jesus bought with His blood. My life, your life, our lives, and are nailed on the cross and are buried along with Him.
As long as we make the conscious decision to follow Him, we'll never be the same as our old selves. No, I will never be the same. And it is because He came to fix my broken life, the wall between me and God is torn down. And I will sing to glorify His Holy Name, Jesus Christ the Lord.
As we seek, Your fire fall down, Your fire fall down, on us we pray - on me I pray.
Show me Your heart, show me Your way, show me your Glory.
I thought I was happy because I am smart to solve a mathematics question. No, I'm joyous because I am in Him and He is in me. :)
Saturday, May 07, 2011
Friday, May 06, 2011
wrecked.
It is been a long long while since the last time I had this kind of feeling.
I suddenly cannot strum guitar - tempo off-ed, fingers numbed, breath choked, something in stomach...
I tried to go into the mood of worship.
Tried to sing.
Tried to strum.
The songs I used to play.
The songs that touched me.
The first love.
THAT first love.
I end up crying... because I can't.
Definitely something is bothering me. Read back few pages of My Utmost For His Highest. Began to notice I began to feel proud about myself and finally realize the meaning of being humble but remain faithful.
Lord, You know me better than I know myself. You see through every inch of me, and You know what is wrong, even I do not know it myself. I pray to You, Lord, that as I'm in such a situation, I pray that You will reveal to me the reasons behind all these. Holy Spirit, please keep me in peace. In Jesus's name.
Amen.
I suddenly cannot strum guitar - tempo off-ed, fingers numbed, breath choked, something in stomach...
I tried to go into the mood of worship.
Tried to sing.
Tried to strum.
The songs I used to play.
The songs that touched me.
The first love.
THAT first love.
I end up crying... because I can't.
Definitely something is bothering me. Read back few pages of My Utmost For His Highest. Began to notice I began to feel proud about myself and finally realize the meaning of being humble but remain faithful.
All of our thoughts are known to God. He can understand what is in the mind of the Spirit, as the Spirit prays for God's people.
Roman 8:27 CEV
Lord, You know me better than I know myself. You see through every inch of me, and You know what is wrong, even I do not know it myself. I pray to You, Lord, that as I'm in such a situation, I pray that You will reveal to me the reasons behind all these. Holy Spirit, please keep me in peace. In Jesus's name.
Amen.
Wednesday, May 04, 2011
Being a criminal - first thought.
..::*+ Small Talk +*::..
It wasn't accident. And it doesn't feel good.
---------------
These 2 days I have been troubled by ONE dream. I don't really know why, but last night was the second day of these series of dreams, as if I'm watching a television series.
First day of the series:
It starring me as a successful and influential person. And somehow I was filed for being the mastermind behind a fraud and another cyber crime, or something like that. (I couldn't remember what I was charged for, it was 2 days ago and I didn't take the dream seriously). But one thing for certain, whatever those crimes are, I am certain that I didn't commit them in the first place. So I was taken into custody by the police. (yes police again, this month seems to be about police and not-my-wrong doing). Since I know myself very well that I am clean and have no guilt, why not, because the truth will be revealed if one doesn't do wrong.
But someone else was behind the scene, manipulating the scene, and making the process of me "surrendering" to the cops harder. Arms and gunpowder got involved as the police force made their way to arrest me. There were shootings, but I don't remember if any blood spilled. Who were the people who "defended" me, I don't know. But eventually they were annihilated by the police force (yay, good guys win), but I was forced into surrendering act - you know, the hands at the back of your head while down on your knees and forehead on the ground thingy. The police force took me. They were armed and equipped with kevlar armor, just like those in movies.
And that was day 1.
---
Day 2:
So the interrogation process began and I was asked questions about the crimes that I was charged. But obviously I couldn't answer any of them, because I didn't do it. Nevertheless, the police just wouldn't let me go, until I was proven innocent. While I was sitting in front of the table, a female policewoman passed by. To my disbelief, she was my junior secondary schoolmate. Actually she was a year younger than me. And I don't know why she appeared in this dream. She looked at me, gave me a nod, mixed with disappointment some-sort, and walked away.
I demanded fresh air. So two of the policemen took me out from the office (interrogation) room. To my surprise, it was a Japanese style garden with the wooden paths surrounded a pond, roughly 15mx15m square. They sat me on a wooden bench. So I was sitting there, facing another building in front of me. Suddenly another policeman walked out from that building, and stood at the far left corner of the pond. So what separated us was the pond and some fishes in it.
Our eye-contact met. His lips bend up and gave me a wicked wink. I was like "what the heck?" and he called me to go over to stand next to him. He was holding a pistol in his right hand. So I obeyed. I moved and stopped right next to him. He whispered, "run" to me, and while I was lost to figure if he had a double-meaning, he rose his left hand revealing some sort of remote control and pressed the only red button there. That building which I was looking at moments ago exploded and flame burst out from it. Next the bench that I was sitting exploded as well. Soonish, like in 5 secs the area was in fire. The 2 other policemen on-scene were already unconscious. He dragged my hand and forced me into a run. Sirens everywhere, I wanted to stop running, for I wasn't guilty in the first place, but his firm grip left me no choice but to run along with him. We ran along a downhill path and err.. we came to a train station. He jumped across the ticket-checking barrier and I didn't know why I followed. The train was waiting for us. And as soon as we hopped in, it moved, and the next station showed on the LCD-screen: MidValley. =.= I felt guilty for running away from something I didn't do and I looked like as if I really committed the crimes. I felt like giving in and take up all the blame and admit the crimes I didn't do. I noticed a girl was standing beside me. She was the bear-with-an-umbrella. And she told me, "you can either give in, not being who you are; but you can also be patient, and wait for the Lord, and...". (I purposely dropped the last part of the sentence, let's not make things to be awkward)
And I woke up. And it was 7.20am in the morning and I was late.
---
Obviously, the dream was sooo real, for both days. I couldn't recall much of the details on the first day, obviously I thought it was just-a-dream. I am worried, tonight it'll continue again. A little scared though, because it was sooo real can; I still remembered the 2 policemen's faces. Who were they? I'm not familiar with them. Pretty "amazed" that my mind actually generated some random yet so-real people.
I prayed. I'm kinda confused of the dream. It definitely touched my weaknesses and some personal issues, which are:
1. being passive and letting situation devour me;
2. not being patient;
3. not consulting the Lord;
4. not being still;
5. not having a peaceful heart.
And these are the things that I just prayed for. Too real to be true. But I shall trust in the Lord always.
A song to end this post.
Vincent, signing out.
It wasn't accident. And it doesn't feel good.
---------------
These 2 days I have been troubled by ONE dream. I don't really know why, but last night was the second day of these series of dreams, as if I'm watching a television series.
First day of the series:
It starring me as a successful and influential person. And somehow I was filed for being the mastermind behind a fraud and another cyber crime, or something like that. (I couldn't remember what I was charged for, it was 2 days ago and I didn't take the dream seriously). But one thing for certain, whatever those crimes are, I am certain that I didn't commit them in the first place. So I was taken into custody by the police. (yes police again, this month seems to be about police and not-my-wrong doing). Since I know myself very well that I am clean and have no guilt, why not, because the truth will be revealed if one doesn't do wrong.
But someone else was behind the scene, manipulating the scene, and making the process of me "surrendering" to the cops harder. Arms and gunpowder got involved as the police force made their way to arrest me. There were shootings, but I don't remember if any blood spilled. Who were the people who "defended" me, I don't know. But eventually they were annihilated by the police force (yay, good guys win), but I was forced into surrendering act - you know, the hands at the back of your head while down on your knees and forehead on the ground thingy. The police force took me. They were armed and equipped with kevlar armor, just like those in movies.
And that was day 1.
---
Day 2:
So the interrogation process began and I was asked questions about the crimes that I was charged. But obviously I couldn't answer any of them, because I didn't do it. Nevertheless, the police just wouldn't let me go, until I was proven innocent. While I was sitting in front of the table, a female policewoman passed by. To my disbelief, she was my junior secondary schoolmate. Actually she was a year younger than me. And I don't know why she appeared in this dream. She looked at me, gave me a nod, mixed with disappointment some-sort, and walked away.
I demanded fresh air. So two of the policemen took me out from the office (interrogation) room. To my surprise, it was a Japanese style garden with the wooden paths surrounded a pond, roughly 15mx15m square. They sat me on a wooden bench. So I was sitting there, facing another building in front of me. Suddenly another policeman walked out from that building, and stood at the far left corner of the pond. So what separated us was the pond and some fishes in it.
Our eye-contact met. His lips bend up and gave me a wicked wink. I was like "what the heck?" and he called me to go over to stand next to him. He was holding a pistol in his right hand. So I obeyed. I moved and stopped right next to him. He whispered, "run" to me, and while I was lost to figure if he had a double-meaning, he rose his left hand revealing some sort of remote control and pressed the only red button there. That building which I was looking at moments ago exploded and flame burst out from it. Next the bench that I was sitting exploded as well. Soonish, like in 5 secs the area was in fire. The 2 other policemen on-scene were already unconscious. He dragged my hand and forced me into a run. Sirens everywhere, I wanted to stop running, for I wasn't guilty in the first place, but his firm grip left me no choice but to run along with him. We ran along a downhill path and err.. we came to a train station. He jumped across the ticket-checking barrier and I didn't know why I followed. The train was waiting for us. And as soon as we hopped in, it moved, and the next station showed on the LCD-screen: MidValley. =.= I felt guilty for running away from something I didn't do and I looked like as if I really committed the crimes. I felt like giving in and take up all the blame and admit the crimes I didn't do. I noticed a girl was standing beside me. She was the bear-with-an-umbrella. And she told me, "you can either give in, not being who you are; but you can also be patient, and wait for the Lord, and...". (I purposely dropped the last part of the sentence, let's not make things to be awkward)
And I woke up. And it was 7.20am in the morning and I was late.
---
Obviously, the dream was sooo real, for both days. I couldn't recall much of the details on the first day, obviously I thought it was just-a-dream. I am worried, tonight it'll continue again. A little scared though, because it was sooo real can; I still remembered the 2 policemen's faces. Who were they? I'm not familiar with them. Pretty "amazed" that my mind actually generated some random yet so-real people.
I prayed. I'm kinda confused of the dream. It definitely touched my weaknesses and some personal issues, which are:
1. being passive and letting situation devour me;
2. not being patient;
3. not consulting the Lord;
4. not being still;
5. not having a peaceful heart.
And these are the things that I just prayed for. Too real to be true. But I shall trust in the Lord always.
A song to end this post.
Vincent, signing out.
Friday, April 29, 2011
蒲公英
最近蒲公英热度极限大展，到处都只是妳我牠。
我从小就最爱蒲公英了。
哇！
蒲公英，妳就是那么的特别...
妳也就是那么的经不起风和雨的考验。
婉婉转。
还是听妈妈的话最好。
望着妳，
失去了我。陶醉其中。
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
Fumoffu!
Childhood dreams are the best: Those are the most pure, most innocent, non-logical, not-sensible... and the best, the white truth of the dream-holder.
Just something to share about. I watched this anime "Full Metal Panic: Fumoffu!" long time ago. Not to say I was still a child that time... wait, maybe I was, and I am, according to Pat :S
Anyway, I wanted to be like the main character in this anime: weird, unique sense of humor, some military-superfan (although I wanted to be some IT-fan, which I am half of it already), honest, lame... I don't know. But the thing that I liked the most was that he didn't know he fell in love with a long hair girl who loves him so much. I... like the girlfriend's character too: funny, bossy, noisy, loud... I guess I did manage in a way if you know what I'm talking about. Best not to go into that further. :P
okay, regard this post as some rubbish. And I guess a lot changed since then. It was funny to actually remembered that I actually thought like that last time lol.
And yea, everything changed today. what a funny memory. which then I recalled another sad memory. sorry, because I was such a jerk that time. :S I got what I deserved after that as well, if that ever made you feel slightly better.
Sunday, April 17, 2011
This Is Our God
This is our God.
Keep my eyes focused on You and Your Glory,
so that in everything I do, it's is You that people can see through me.
And it is You and You alone.
Father in Heaven,
hallowed be Your Name,
Your Kingdom come,
Your will be done,
on earth as it is in heaven;
Give us today our daily bread,
forgive us our debts,
as we also have forgiven our debtors;
Lead us not into temptation,
but deliver us away from the evil one.
Let Thy Will be done.
:)
Thursday, April 07, 2011
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