Badmintonlog

I'm recording my badminton progress from now onwards. Meaning every time gonna be serious training.

Find the report here. 

=) Today was fun. Lots to catch up.

Mess and less

Clearing up messes is never fun.

A lot to clear up. I'm only half way (or a quarter way?) through. But now at least my room is ready for study mood. Oh, maybe some Christmas stars decorations. A box of stars I bought from Ikea 2 years ago could be a good idea. Had been in-like of stars since kid. Because in the night, the star shines the brightest, and not depending on time, like the moon. They catch your attention. But maybe because it is a star, even if you really like it, the best way is to leave it untouched, because you'll never catch a star (logic). The best way? Be a star and shine.

But it is through these messes around I found back precious. I found back partially who I am.

A lot happened. And everything really drained me down to zero. Went to Obi and bought a super big whiteboard, just to write down what I want and constantly reminding myself of where I REALLY want to go. It's pain though, thinking that I'm wasting my time, again.

A long run, but I'm tired. Confidence is still a barrier in me. I just can't find the stable Fe-56 state out of it. Sometimes I get overconfident, and sometimes under. And then disappointments come. I realized that injecting non-basis hopes is a selfish, headless, and dangerous act, at least towards myself. I realized that one should measure its own capacity/capability/capacitance before jumping into something.

I'm ain't gonna make the same mistake again. Europe champion - I'm not yet but I will. It's such a sad story to open the Beautiful Memory book, and many of the contents are just something that made me sad. It was 1999 when I asked for the Sidek family and Nusa Mahsuri's badminton players signatures. I even got one from China coach. Not to mention he signed at my back of my shirt after 3 days clinique with him. It was then I said to myself, I want to become a good player too, like them. 10 years I've been delaying to push myself outside of what's given, what's comfort. In addition to that, 10 years later, I've decided to surrender to God my precious.

I'm a bit nervous now, actually. To think that 3 hours later I'll be on my way to badminton court and ask the Germans to train me. I'm not sure the outcome. I'm worried, but I no longer want to hold back. Because I'm not gonna let emotions to stop me. Because giving up something you love for someone and something else is just lying to yourself. Because I wasn't determined enough. Because it and you (and you) hold me back. Because I'm not a good gambler (literally and metaphorically), who will lose everything in the end. Because the two waves are never coherent. And because I easily heart-broken, disappoint and hope given-up. Because I gave excuses.

But because I know there's always some people who will back me up and support me throughout my hardships and uncertainties.

Maybe 21 is always a good start. And maybe 23 is the best and most significant number in my life. Because it showed the significant changes in my life. Until then we see. Wish me luck!

p/s: Got myself a Milestone >> so if you wanna know my current goal and pray for me, you can always refer to that.
p/p/s: Next week I'll start to build my 4 pillars. Thanks Dann =)
p/p/p/s: It made me realized that the one that you hurt the most is actually the one that you love/treasure the most. Cuz' you care ;)

My MVP Valentine

I don't why I went back to search this long time ago series last week. And the song just keep ringing in me.

thine and mine

thou shall not poke on something that is uncertain and vulnerable, because it bleeds and it hurts, a lot. Some joke there are that thou shall not make, for thy laughters and mine hearten breaks.

JS - Officially Missing You - Tamia (cover)

Ok this is kinda old, but it keeps ringing in my head =)

Subscribe them by the way, they're awesome!

JS - Officially Missing You - Tamia (cover)

[Verse One]
All I hear is raindrops
Falling on the rooftop
Oh baby tell me why’d you have to go
Cause this pain I feel
It wont go away
And today I’m officially missing you
I thought that from this heartache
I could escape
But I fronted long enough to know
There ain’t no way
And today
I’m officially missing you

[Chorus]
Oh can’t nobody do it like you
Said every little thing you do
Hey baby say it stays on my mind
And I, I’m officially

[Verse Two]
All I do is lay around
Two ears full of tears
From looking at your face on the wall (face on the wall)
Just a week ago you were my baby
Now I don’t even know you at all
I don’t know you at all
Well I wish that you would call me right now
So that I could get through to you somehow
I guess it’s safe to say baby it's safe to say
That I’m officially missing you

[Chorus]

[Bridge]
Well I thought I could just get over you baby
But I see that’s something I just can’t do
From the way you would hold me
To the sweet things you told me
I just can’t find a way
To let go of you

[Chorus]

Yeah yes
All I hear is raindrops
And I’m officially missing you

Because I trust..

Because I trust..

that You are the Lord our God,

that You died on the Cross for our sins,

that You are a God of love and just,

that You are always there for me,

that You want me to see the greater good,

that the only way for You to bring me up is to break me down,

that Your promises won't let go of me,

that all I have is given by You,

that we all love because You first love us,

that You never let me go, through it all,

I give You thanks..

for the lessons that You've been trying to tell me,

for You have sacrificed Yourself for our sins,

for guiding me through each and every day of my life,

for providing me peace when I'm worried of my presentation just now,

for asking me to be like You,

for Your forgiveness of my rebellions,

for never letting me go, through it all,

I pray to You..

so that You will continue to be there for me,

so that You will let me be more and more like You,

so that You will forgive me my debts,

so that You will be the One to make decisions in my all day choices,

so that You will reveal to me the plans that You have for me,

so that You will stay me strong in facing challenges in life,

so that You will teach me to see those that unseen,

so that You will give me

the strength that I need,

the motivations that I lack,

the courage to speak,

the confident in my actions,

the heart of love,

the faith I need.

May in whatever I do, the glory to be Yours.

kcisemoh

*why so sad blog?*

You know what, this morning I woke up, finding myself hugging one of my blanket. Felt lost, because I have to wake up from a sweet sweet dream. Thank you alarm clock.

sigh. I've been putting thoughts on who I want to meet when I'm back in Malaysia. I wrote them down on a list. And last night, my dream was meeting these people. And actually it's more than that ;)

Come to think of it, I've been looking at the flight confirmation letter often. And I keep asking around to meet up with people. Awww.. I miss home. Hmmm, where to go in Malaysia?

**

Last night Billy, James and myself made chicken rice. Although it didn't taste 100% like what we had back in Malaysia, but still, the taste is soooooooo nice. Aww.. I miss home.

**

The Koreans, the USians... they're having exams now. And they'll be back to Malaysia for Christmas soon. I'm envy of them. Aww.. I miss home.

**

I think it's last year since I had this strong feeling/ URGE to go back. I miss everyone.

I'm officially home-sick now.

I feel like packing up my stuffs and go back now.

Arrh. It made worst to think that I have to do a presentation this Friday.

Arr. Later got another tiring lab.

I miss home. Again.