Friday, March 28, 2008
Q \& A
Why are you so troubled?
Why are you always having that sad look?
Why are you turning away?
Why do you let emotions conceal your direction?
Why do you let temptations overwhelm you?
Why are you running away?
Why are you lying to me?
Why are you so doubtful?
Why are you not strong?
Questions that peoples around me asked this week.
Questions that I asked myself this week.
Still, I couldn't find answers. The week is coming to its end. Badminton competition this weekend at Ulm.
HELP ME, PLEASE. Do you have answers for these?
*Sobs sobs sobs sobs sobs...
Vincent
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
I've grown wild...
3 Pots and knife set from IKEA - 6,99 Euro & 2,49 Euro
There were also stuffs like chopping board, mouse pad, hanger, of which I guess none of you interested in. So, let's go on introducing my friends in Germany.
Turning this tree to have "Timberland" look.
Snow snow snow snow snow......
Haha... Snow... Something that I really wanted to see after my last time trip to Korea. I didn't see the flakes from the sky that time, but rather just some "leftover" on the ground. Guess I missed it about an hour or so. Anyway, to see snow falling from the top for the first time... to have snow landed on my cheek... to have to run in the snowing day... It's just wonderful :)
Well, after a good long break - Good Friday + Easter, although no church activity-, tomorrow will be lecture classes again. Things will be hard, again. Pray for me ya!
I want to cry, actually. I've been quite wild and bad lately. I did stuffs that I shouldn't do. I lied to friends around me. God's position in my heart trembled. I forgot my morning prayer. I forgot my night time bible reading. I played lots of games instead. I paid no attention to my studies during this weekend. Rather I spent a lot. I'm desperate of something else. I said "God has plan for me", but I didn't even go to understand Him. I commented other people's attitudes. I judged people around me. Why am I becoming weird lately? I want to cry.
Keep me strong, God. You know what I've done. You know I deserted myself to the dark again. You know everything when I lied. You know what I've done. Help me Lord, I need Your strength. I want to come back to the heart of worship, when all is about You. I'm a baby who crawls on the floor, learning to stand up for You, to reach out for You. I'm now lost and I can't find back myself without You. Light me up, Lord. Show me again the way just from the point before I walked myself lost. I've accumulated up bad elements in me again. I'm so sorry, Lord. I want to do what You want me to do. I want to do all Your things, not mine. I promise to do my best to do You will, to read the bible, and to grow into a better person, let it be spiritually, or my character. I will follow Your words. I will not dare to walk away anymore. I will not dare to act smart anymore. I'm sorry, Father God. :'(
I've done wrong, yet You never give up on me. I'll do everything with love from now on.
With tears,
Vincent
Friday, March 21, 2008
Sum of the week
In my head it’s all the spam,
Spam by a word called the pi,
Pi is making my life chronic,
Chronic and very rush,
Rush everything fast in my life,
Life that I realized that is all,
All that I need just a word to tell,
How I love you from this heart of pure.
Pure little chance I was not given by O2,
O2, I need to breath.
Breath a breathe that is long.
Long time I’ve tried for this rejected contract,
Contract for that piece of handphone.
Handphone lies quietly on my table.
Table where my laptop lays opened everyday.
Everyday I check my mail,
Mail that I hope it’s from you,
You would bring good news just for one more time.
Time tells, I was wrong.
Wrong by means I was rejected 4 times in a sequence.
A sequence that none Heilbronners ever made.
Made me from highest hope to deepest disappointment.
Disappointment is I have in your words.
Words of promises, words of comforts, words of greeting,
Greeting comes never from you, sadly.
Sadly I don’t know how to walk this road.
Road is long, so is our distance,
Distance that keep me away from saying I love you,
You hear me? Tell me you hear my voice.
Voice of a youth whose heart is purely made.
Made up of headache I walked through this week.
Week where I don’t know what they’re talking about.
About physics, about technical drawing, about chemistry,
Chemistry that their lectures and my ears will not synchronize.
Syncronize my heart and yours, princess.
Princess who I love very much.
Much more than that money that I have my bank inside.
Inside my heart is love what I call,
Call out to you that you will never hear.
Hear me, speak to me, reply me and let this love be eternal.
Eternal love is what they call this line,
Line that I speak lonely.
Lonely in this apartment’s edge,
Edge that I will cross to find you someday.
Here speaks my heart for this week. Everything of this week is told inside this… uh, poem.
Haha. Don’t know why lately so crazy. I’m turning bad. Help me.
Vincent
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
Shaping the new love
The more I learn about you, the more that I realized that I can´t fall in love with you.
The more I look at the pictures, the more I know, we´re from 2 different places.
But the more we talk to each other, the more solid that I realized that I´m falling in love with you.
How should the path between us to be cropped away?
How should the title between you and me is Lover instead of Friends?
How should I know if I love you? How should you know if I love you?
Are we able to be together? Am I just someone who is always a Screw-driver?
Are you even know I love you? Am I even ready to tell you how much I love you?
LOVE is driving me crazy. LOVE is where I see no future.
But still, love is the sweets that I will give to you someday.
Will you still be there? Will this distance make us nobody to each other? Will you ever hear my voice? Will my confession now ever reach you?
Or will you just thought I´m thinking of someone else? Or will you think I´m just stupid?
Love is blind, but only the blind can hear me now, for you cannot see me, unless through webcam...
Vincent
Monday, March 17, 2008
As the semester starts
That’s my opinion of life in this foreign country, where the Mercedes is originated. Yesterday I had dinner with the remaining John.-F.-Kennedy-Straße Chinese seniors. In the past, I used to cook together with the Malays. Yesterday, we went shopping at Handelshof. I heard they said they’ll cook this and that. I didn’t understand. I still thought we would be cooking together. Until after we bought stuffs then I realized that they’ll cook separately then eat together. So I was left stunned and blurred. I really didn’t know this was and still is the Chinese custom in Heilbronn. I felt so paiseh because I ate without contributing anything. Wish I can cook. Wish I knew it earlier. Wish I… Sigh, I felt very awkward. It won’t happen again. Wish I’m 10% alike of those seniors. Just 10% of them would be more than enough for me.
Come to think again, real life will start soon. Tuesday will be my first real lecture class. Honeymoon is really over. Everything is real. I have to be awakened from my dreams. It’s time to pursue my goal – 1,0 Note. Can I do it? I don’t know. Rely on my own strength is not enough. I need to be strong, along with His presence.
A lot people will now start, or already stared, to think. What is the purpose of studying in foreign countries? Is this just coincidence that we have to study in foreign land? Is everything just a flip of luck that I met you, out of so many other people? Is everything can be just simply define as an accident? At least these were something that I thought last time.©
No, I tell you all. No. I had bible study with Jia Jin last Wednesday and I’m assured that all of these are within the will of God. A Bible quote from Jeremiah 29:11:
“…for I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future…”
Trust me my friends, it is His plan, to have you studying in foreign countries. It is in His plan, that you face problems sometimes. It is in His plan, that you confront lots of temptations from the evil ones. It is in His plan, that you encounter ups and downs in your life. It’s all in His plan, my friends. And all these temptations, in the truth, are to grow you into a better character. He will not give you tasks that you aren’t able to bear, for it is stated in 1 Corinthians 10:13:
No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.
As we read through this verse, you can actually learn that all temptations are from God. “He will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear.” What can we understand from this sentence? I tell you, my friends. He let the devil to tempt us, with condition that the temptations are inside what we can bear. You see, He will not give us tasks that we cannot execute. And when being tempted, He assures us a way out. We will not be left alone in the dark. Therefore, no matter where we are, keep it in mind, that God will never forsake us. Have faith in Him. He will guide us. He will keep you on track, just as stated in Isaiah 26:3-4:
You will keep in perfect peace, him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you. Trust in the LORD forever, for the LORD, the LORD, is the Rock eternal.
Fear not that you are weak. Don’t look down on yourself too much. You know I’m talking about you. Have faith in Him, my friends. His grace is everlasting. You will be strong in His presence. You will overcome your weaknesses.
… he (the LORD) said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
2 Corinthians 12:9-10
Remember, my friends. Stay strong, my friends. Belief in Him, my friends. A Psalm of David (Psalm 23), a chapter to remember. You will never walk a path alone, for He will shine your way throughout the darkness. He will provide you an exit in time when you face temptations. You might be at the edge of giving up, feeling regret of being in a foreign land. But I tell you, even if all the people in a piece of land do not care for you, do not understand you, do not give you a hand, laugh at you, insult you, hate you… be reminded, that there is always someone in your heart, whose love towards you is indescribable. Who loves you so much that He lived to die for you. Because of His love towards you, He was being crucified, tortured. Remember of His love, my friends. You are never alone, for at least I’m there for you, if you read this post.
Monday will be a tough day. In fact life will never be so happy-go-lucky anymore. I will work hard for everything. I will not isolate myself from my shepherd anymore.
Be tough, be strong...
Vincent
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
Church!
I could still remembered that day very well: He came with his friend, Ki yi (not sure is it correctly spelled) with a travelling hand-carry bag, wanting to see all the Chinese students. We all met up, discussed some facts and details about Germany. The talk was not boring at all. We had fun and laughter. It was when he was about to leave, he turned back to us and asked:” is there any Christian here?” Daniel and I rose up our hands. He told us that there was a protestant church in Stuttgart. We were so glad, because God answered our prayers. It was indeed, that all you need is to pray hard and have faith in Him, and He will show you the way.
And so it was a month plus before I could finally go to the church. Jia Jin went back to Malaysia, which I guess most of you might’ve met him. It was last Sunday that I finally have chance to go to this church. How lucky we were because last week they had a 3-sessions seminar too. The seminar was divided into three days – Friday, Saturday, and Sunday –but only Daniel got the benefit, as I had a must-go visit to Ludwigsburg on Saturday. The following are the photos that I took there. In Ludwigsburg got a castle, which currently had been modified and turned into a Museum. There were lots of sections but we did not go to all of them, partly because we were lazy, partly because we were hungry.
At the compound of Ludwigsburg Schloss
Ultraman! =.=
Garden in the Schloss.
After that we went for lunch in Stuttgart, which is located 10-minutes train-ride away from Ludwigsburg. It was a Chinese buffet restaurant, meaning, all you can eat for only 6.80 Euro. It was quite expensive, but judging by the amount that I ate, I guess it was a worth. I’m trying to gain weight, by the way. After that I met up with Jia Jin, Ki Yi, and Daniel. We went to Starbucks and had some cell group discussion with our Group Leader. Then we went back to church for the talk.
So I attended the last session of the talk. It was indeed a tough time to understand what the Pastor, who was specially invited from Berlin, said. However, praise the Lord, at least I caught what he wanted to tell us. It was about the “A Psalm of David”:
The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.
He makes me lie down in green pasture,
he leads me beside quiet waters,
he restores my soul.
He guides me in path of righteousness for his name’s sake.
Even if I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me.
You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oils;
my cup overflows.
Surely goodness and love will follow me,
all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever.
Psalm 23:1-6
Was not it nice? I’m not sure for your case, but I felt warm and secured, these words kept me strong; they made me felt glad. And then for the very first time, I overnight in a church. It was fun indeed, as I could learn to play guitars and learnt how to play some songs. Besides, Jia Jin and Ki Yi had some small discussion about verses in the Bible and I had the chance to retrieve benefits from them. Thank You Lord =)
The next day, Sunday, was also a great time. Germany had different church service hours from Malaysia – it started on 1400hours GMT +1. Well, our Group Leader was the one giving talk this time, and it was about 1 Corinthians 16:10-12.
If Timothy comes, see to it that he has nothing to fear while he is with you,
for he is carrying on the work of the LORD, just as I am. No one, then, should refuse to accept him. Send him on his way in peace so that he may return to me. I am expecting him along with the brothers.
Now about our brother Apollos: I strongly urged him to go to you with the brothers. He was quite unwilling to go now, but he will go when he has the opportunity.
So basically he told us about the differences in Timothy and Apollos. It was indeed a great time there and I really wished that I could spend more time there, but I had to go back to Heilbronn. Honestly, it cost quite some Euro just for the trip from Heilbronn to Stuttgart – 6.80 Euro for single-way ticket from Stuttgart Hauptbahnhof (Hbf) to Kirchheim, refer to maps if you really interested in it. I really thank God because at least I can in future save some cash with Bahncard25 or Bahncard50. It is a discount card which lasts a year and quite worthy for people who travels a lot; people like me =) it will still be a amount of cash, but I’m willing to pay it. It’s nowhere important compare to the passion I have toward God. Besides, I can learn some German Christian songs too! My redeemer lives!
Anyway, these were some updates of mine here in Heilbronn. The allowance for March and April has been deposited into account; my progress to pursue my dream is continued. The students from other Hochschule and Fachhochschule have started their semester. And mine will be coming starting from next week. Another new journey of life will start soon, and so will it be, to live a life which I can be true to my heart!
Once again I thank you, both God and Jia Jin, for all the help that you’ve given to me!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Oooooh no, I need to learn how to read before buying stuffs:
1. I made hectic decision to subscribe O2 Genion-L-Aktion-mit-Handy plan >.< euro =".=">
2. I'm currently the highest Ebay bidder with 16 Euro + 3,90 Euro Shipping Fee for a USED M2 Memory Card. I didn't see it's VERBRAUCH ( 2nd Hand). Someone please, overbid me please. I don't want it already. I left 6 hours 54 minutes now... T,T
Vincent
Thursday, March 06, 2008
Tag taggy tags tagging tagged
List eight (8) random facts about yourself.
Tag eight people at the end of your post and list their names (linking to them)
Let them know they've been tagged.
Haha, this might be a great chance for me and you to know myself better =)
Fact 1:
I am NOT good in sports. A lot of people always say that I play good badminton, I’m talented in badminton, etc. But honestly, I don’t feel that I’m good in badminton. I’m what I am today is because I spent more time on badminton in the past compare to other people. Think, if you go training 6 times a week for at least 4 years, even a frog can fly. Well, yes, but if you follow my progress throughout my childhood, you’ll know that I’m actually a slow learner in badminton. Other suitable examples are football, basketball, and table tennis. I just don’t know why, but I have the beginner luck which surely will end after, say 2 hours, of playing. I lost my touch. Become stupid. Even my friends who teach me about table tennis keep rolling eyes on me. =.=
Fact 2:
I’m a perfectionist. Whatever I do I always want it to be perfect. I hate not organized activities. Like I’ve mentioned in my post last time, I hate being in things without coordination. Sometimes I feel pissed with people who take things too lightly. Words like “we’ll see about it”, “I guess it’ll be fine”, or even “we didn’t prepare for unforeseen circumstances” etc, I really try to avoid them. When I do something, I will put in everything I can to make it a success, if it is my interest. Same applies in my relationship. I will try to make it a perfect love, though I know actually I still have lots to learn about. But too bad is that I want to be a perfectionist, but I so far fail to do so.
Fact 3:
I have a low-functionality brain. I sometimes still feel sad and down over my effectiveness of that piece of meat inside that bonehead. I guess mine is just as juicy as other people but it is just contradict to why other people are smarter than me. Friends around me score better result than me, although they’re as crazy as me, I mean in terms of living a life full of colors and joys. I just don’t know why other people have so quad-core type brain, as in they can perform multiple tasks at once. Weird, eh? However, I just want to say that I really thank God from the bottom of my heart that He granted me a brain to think. I guess I’m not meant to be the study type but it won’t be hard for me to joke and laugh around with my friends, although a lot of times I went overboard and caused chaos, you all knew what I mean.
Fact 4:
I was a flowery guy, provided that I don’t have girlfriend. I liked to look around for cute girls and pretty girls to chat with. I liked to mix around with girls who are smart and intelligence. I guess I fell easily for girls who are the “school flower” and have “high requirements” type. I easily fell for girls who own these characteristics and at the same time RICH. I don’t know why, but that was a fact of mine in the past. Now, I’m starting to learn how to value girls around me. I learn not to wooing girls. I was an ugly Kumbang. Ok fine, I am still an ugly Kumbang. =.=
Fact 5:
I am a baby in Christ. I am a newcomer to Christian and as days passed by I realize that I knew lesser and lesser about the Trinity – Father, Son and Holy Spirit, as in, the more I study, the more I realize that I know nothing about Christian. I had thought that I knew a lot about Christian, but ever since I study the Bible, I realize that I actually know nothing about Christian. I realize how far behind I am from my other Christian friends. I want to catch up with them. I’m so hunger to know Him better. This kind of thrust, no one will understand.
Fact 6:
I am analytical type of person. I tend to analyze a situation, even if it has to consume a lot of time, just to understand the whole process of it. I am so far interested in analyze and understand human’s characteristics. To me, because human has their own thoughts and ideas, they are very interesting to be observed. I always like to understand people around me: to know his/her characteristics; try to understand why he/she does so in a given situation or problem; and try to predict what a person will do with his level of intelligence. It is fun to learn about human =)
Fact 7:
I am a secret keeper. I guess most space in my head is used to store secrets of other people. I kept secrets of lots of people, whether it’s about interpersonal relationship, feelings, thoughts, hatred, problems etc, I kept them a lot. So some day if you can really give me shots until I drunk, happy birthday, you will know lots of secrets of lots of people. But still, my capacity is big and my resistance against alcoholic drinks is strong so there’s only a small chance that you’ll get me drunken. I’m serious, although I drink quite a number of times, but I never drunk. =)
Fact 8:
I really like the Koreans students a lot. To me, I think the gang that I can mix around the most is the Korean Girls. They have their renowned “Michelle the Korean flower” who lots of people fall in love with; they have Dena who born with a big mouth with loud laughter, who, to me, often a bit clumsy; they have Ching Ern and her unforgettable “bwahaha” laughs, who keeps on blogging and keep me updated with their current situations; they have Amy who is superb in English and an outstanding debater, who always loves to make me sad by saying me “ugly”; they have Xian Ni who looks so quiet; they have Siew Fong with her award-winning “甜蜜蜜” song featuring Jacky Tiong; they have their王力宏; Anna the 大姐大… The list goes on but really, I miss their presence a lot. I miss the time we had together a lot at the park; when we laughed along in the park; when I had breakfast with; when we travel through some memorable journeys… You all are the best!
Well, I hereby tag the following 8 person:
Daniel
Dena
Gloria
Ivyine Yie Ning
Si Tanggang
EtUc
Michelle?
Vincent