I wish I am not a cry baby.
I wish I'm a little stronger than this.
I wish I need not to try to make things work.
But I can't. Kept telling myself "baby you gonna be just fine" don't work, for the fact is that I know myself where I stand now.
I'm running away again. I miss those times when I just let the silent nights heal my heart. Maybe being in crowds isn't the type of coffee that I like. I do feel like escaping away, like back to Malaysia or something like that, but I know it'll only get worst when I come back. A quarter of those I dear to are already in Malaysia, more to go back, some even thought I am going back. I'm quite sick of "why are you not going back?" question. Yea and sometimes I do ask myself, "why am I not going back?" I'm swaying with my decisions. Mixed and complicated feelings are inside me, and the fact that exams are coming soon just made it like a dish of Bibimbap.
"Face it, Qi Hao..."
Little that I know, I'm actually easy to get phobia for things that I once got wrong. There're incidents that really carved into me that made me who I am today - a weakling. As hard as I trying to hide from it, it always gush back to me. I still remember I faced my first rejection by senior friends (my older brother's friends) and that really got my crying for a week. Heh, no one knew it. That was primary 3 alright..
I'm not finding something to blame on, although that actually might make me feel a little better. I just lack this kind confidence. I lost everything with a fall. And seems like things are going to fall apart again. Keep me in a piece. Keep me in prayer.
The one thing one must know about me is that you will never know what's behind my sweet smile.
It is already the worst start off I ever had in my life and anyone should know that I'm type that either stay on top all the way, or never come back. God, what do You want me to learn from here?
