Don't tempt me...
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Well, basically don't really know what to update. It's just that a lot of things crossed my mind. Well, I'll just pick out some to share.
I learned something new. This was not the exact conversation, but I'll just summarize:
It was a beautiful sunday we were talking about reading books. So Daniel said he so far still prefer fiction than non-fiction. Jia Jin agreed that people normally like fictions because they are easier to read. So I said, I prefer non-fiction than fiction. So that was the first part.
Then the following Tuesday when I had my one-to-one session with Jia Jin, we somehow talked about choosing words and expressing views.
We all know that words are powerful: They can make someone feels comfortable with you, or they can be at the other extend: Hurting someone, for simple example, lying. But on the other side, telling truth might also hurting someone. But we'll just skip this part for this time.
What I don't know is that words have their own "condition". Refering to the statement "I like non-fiction than fiction", the assumption or condition here is that "I already read a lot of books" which in the truth, no, I did not read a lot. So how could I say I prefer non-fiction than fiction when I don't read a lot? So stating a statement is not simple as I think. No wonder a lot people often think a lot before they speak. No wonder don't-know-which-old-man ever said "一言既出，驷马难追". It emphasize the importance of thinking clearly before saying something.
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Another thing is about blames. Jia Jin asked me to look into my past to find what's wrong and why it happened, and how to deal with it. So I looked into my past and I found lots of blames for something bad to happen in my life:
Real life story: I remembered last time when I was entered secondary school, everything was kind of like stun bolts for me. I was placed in the best class and got the chances to get to know all sorts of smart students. Or rather put it, the geniuses. Well, the first semester was done and I had real bad results. Parents placed pressures on me about the academic achievement. I should give explanation. And I blamed a lot of sides: Classmates for being too smart; teachers for not being good to teach (well, it somehow true, but..); badminton that consumed my time (well, this certainly was a good excuse that time) etc etc. So, I dropped from badminton team, saying to myself that THAT caused me not to get good results in studies.
What I think now: Thinking back, it was indeed a stupid noob decision. Yes, badminton no-doubt consumed my time a lot. But those were the night-times. What about the day? Thinking back again, part of my time was spent on sleeping. Yes, sleep until 10am in the morning (when I was in afternoon session) contributed a lot. Say I wake up on 8am, I could have studied and done my homeworks. Secondly, 10.30am I was already in school, while my class started only at 1pm. Why so early to school? Because I went to cybercafe for, ummm, a lot: Warcraft III, Starcraft, Counter-Strike, Red Alert 2, Diablo 2, and the list went on. Oh by the way, those "era" were the time when my nickname "ultimatepichu" was formed, in case you wondered. So, the time went to those games instead of study. I admit I have a token of "talent" in games, some of you might know that. In fact, my brother and I have this "gift". But the question is, how far can this "gift" brings us? The highest and furthest end is only the World Cyber Games champion, to boast it bigger. But quatsch. A question from my mentor, "will a girl marry to a guy who is only a gamer?" Not to say gamers are bad job, but, how many can be successful? Say WCG champion, one on the earth. So it's either hero or panda (英雄或狗熊). And I guess about the relative probability part, we can just skip it - everyone knows it.
So, I did as if a hero, giving up badminton for so-called study. It was merely an excuse. In the end, the act did not help my academic result to be better. So, find something else to blame on?
Everything bad has something to blame on. And to be honest, I ever blamed family, friends, badminton partners, studies, teachers, lecturers (oh no, those Chemistry lecturers from 1st, 2nd, semester in Shah Alam came to my mind)... A lot. I blamed him for his one and only best explanation of world of Chemistry: "this is the nature of Chemistry", or her ( the 2nd semester lecturer) for being the script reader, or badminton coach for being one-sided-pampering-other people, or parents for being demanding, or surrounding for being not-helping-me, or Prof. Rauschnabel for being mumbling during lessons (now I started to appreciate him =) ), or even God. Anything, everything, all of things, but not me. The ME is out of the list.
I'm too selfish. What I know is only to place the blames on other people. To point my finger at you. You You YOU. But little that I realize, of all the 5 fingers, only 1 is pointing at YOU, one (the thumb) is pointing somewhere else, but 3 are pointing back at me. I am to be blame for all the things to happen. No, I'm not to be blame. I am RESPONSIBLE for all the things that happened. Who was the one saying that if he quits badminton his studies will be good? Who was the one saying that if only he has good lecturers he will score perfect marks, "padahal" he himself actually can study himself too? Why must the coach pamper me only I will do well in badminton? Who was the one blaming her for dumping him, "padahal" he himself hurted her more than what he realized?
Who was the one ____ ? #fill in the blank yourself#
Wasn't everything just an evasion? Wasn't everything just another blame on others but not yourself? Wasn't it harder but better to pick up the responsibilities? We are responsibles for ourselves, our doings. Blaming racket for not being good enough, or you your own are not good enough to hit the ball to the target? Blaming Satan for tempting you, or you give in yourself to be tempted, and putting aside God's faithful promise? Blaming other people for hurting you, or you let your guard down?Blaming time for not being adequate for you, or is it because your time-management not good? Blaming surrounding for not providing you chances to make best friends with people, or you yourself not putting effort in fellowshiping? Blaming God for not there for you, or you yourself do not enable your antenna and set to the same frequency to sense His presence? (reminds me of "what is your relationship with God?")
Think, and think, and think again (Reminds me of Mr. Ang, my Add-Math teacher).
Are they to be blamed, or should YOU be the one picking up the responsibility?
Punkt.
Stop empty talk; just do it,
Vincent
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