My deepest apology to her

Alright, I'm going to make this memorable.
For 2 months I've been in the blogosphere, I decided to post up a big issue in my life. Yep, my greatest regrets and apology. To who, you might ask, well, it's to my ex-girlfriend, Chua Theng Theng. Everyone who read this post will know how sorry I am.

It has been a month since our break up. Yeah, I'm still sad, and contradictorily she is very happy with her present life. Well, she said she'd let go, so I wouldn't be surprise by that.

However, hereby I would like to tell everyone, and let everyone know what a person I am, before asking or sms her:"why you break up with Qi Hao?" or maybe "Qi Hao is such a nice person, why you make this kind of decision?" I'm not saying that I defend her decision or something. It's just that, well yeah, sometimes you all need to understand her a little more. You NEED to know that actually I'm such a bad person whom none deserves to be with.

Okie, throughout my 1 year, 7 months and 4 days of relationship with her, I did some huge serious mistakes. Right, firstly, I can't remember when was her flight time to Australia, where she stayed, what was the house's phone number. I did not even manage to remember when and what time was her return flight time. When she was there, I did not give her a single call. I did once, but to her handy, not that house's house which I can't manage to remember the number. She was the one to call me every night. What did I do that time? I was playing DotA with my brother. I did not message her in time, before she went onboard. She was really sick of me that time, which was one of the pieces of jig saw that forms what happened today. For this, I think I deserve a direct punch in my face.

Next up, I was a bit lagging and possessed a bit of negative "phase-difference". I was slower than normal people by half a tempo to sense something from her. A very nice example: After break up a week, she keep on coming to me: ask me to accompany her to go Giant to buy things; Go eat dinner; go McD buy ice-cream; go KFC on Tuesday. A normally-functioned-brain person will know that she wanted to reconcile. But hey, guess what. I DID NOT SENSE IT. You might shouted emotionally: "WTF?! You did not?" To be frank, yea, I did not. Slap me in my face then.

Next, it's about my character. After 1 year 7 months and 4 days she concluded that I'm still as childish as ever. Not mature. And don't know how to defend myself.She always defend for me, in everything. Yeap, I mean it, EVERYTHING. Sigh. Laugh while you can: Every morning she's the one who wakes me up. And almost every schooling morning she's the one who waits me first at the bus stop. She's the one who always sms me "go down lo". how terrible, horrible and vegetable I am?

Well, now that everything did not get better. I nearly make the tag "Friends" between me and her gone, just because my laggingness and still dreaming that she'll love me back again. She told me her heart already turned into sands, blown by the wind. Until now I still do not believe it.

Never mind. I just want to say to her, I'm really sorry for the me that I played in her life. I want to say sorry to her family as well. God knows what I've done. I really regret of everything now. Seeing her walking alone after exams are not just a pain in me, but a feeling of regrets and sour. There used to be me walking together with her, the other me in my soul told me. I know myself very well that I'm not allowed to be with her. I don't deserve it. This is the punishment you get for the mistakes you made, Daniel told me. Don't give up, Peter said to me. You'll find someone better, Yen Zhao told me. Just be by her side, this is your last chance to be with her, touch her by your actions, stay with her, let her feel that you still worth it to be with her, Yee Tong told me. Focus yourself on other thing instead of her,play some games, Harris told me. I'll really call the police if you keep on disturbing me, SHE TOLD ME. How lousy I am? I grade myself the lowest; you? up to you. I'm depressed with myself. I'm not that GOD-LIKE so don't lie cute things about me, for heaven's sake you're committing sins.

Deepest and million times sorry to her, hope she reads this. I possess no power to make you happy with me now. But in the future, who knows. For the fact that I love you, I'll be waiting for you, while improving myself to be a betterman, forever.

Once again sorry from the bottom of my heart to those who're involved in this chaos, hope you all can give me a peace now. I won't disturb you all. I'm truly sorry.


vincent