Vincent

我超不喜欢离别。
不会挽留，只是会挂念。
不会流泪，只是会不舍。

路，还是要继续的走下去。
前进的牺牲吧？

有时候，问题不在于没有方向，
只在于过度的舒适；在这个圈子里的温暖。

最近都在和一位网友聊天。
年纪大家都一样，
但是，
她已有的是一切，我却还需烦会不会毕业。

哥说，

life is hard, only for those who don't push hard, or work smart.

突然觉得这该是我下一步的成长吧？

她年纪十八开始创事业。脑袋里装的不是书本上的知识，而是人生路过点滴的经验。
她说，这都是当初努力而得回来的成果。

哥哥本身其实也是很努力的一个人。从小就羡慕他事事都有本领，得到了很多我只能发白的梦想。但他说，一切都是努力。

this is ten percent luck, twenty percent skill
fifteen percent concentrated the power of will
five percent pleasure, five percent pain,
and a hundred percent of reason to remember the name.

我觉得我杂念太多了。是时候专心了。

当时基于上运气，只有会把握它的人才不会吃亏。

..::*+ Small Talk +*::..

I talked to a friend that day. About love, relationship, partner, what we look for in that other half. It is nice to see we have a similar goal. It's just sad that the path that we choose to take is totally different. It opened a new set of question: what my life would be without Jesus?

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8 months ago, for the first time in my entire life, new old alike, I drew out a goal for myself. I call it the 3D, or three desires. As I began to walk into the end of the life as a bachelor student, I, like most of people out there began to start working on at least two out of these three desires:
Relationship,
Career, and,
God.

I started to work on these three fields, and things seemed to come smoothly as I wanted it to be. Or I thought too far ahead of myself.

--Work--
I got a internship job in ZF Friedrichshafen AG, which is one of the famous companies typically around Konstanz Lake, or Bodensee. It was a choice to make, and a choice that I made from a pool of limited choices. But what great was that, the tasks during the internship were what I wanted to go further deep into, and it was offered by this company, the only company that I love during our excursion to these companies some months(years?) back then.

But it was sort of a bad call; the company is located at Friedrichshafen, which is over 3 hours plus train ride from Stuttgart, where my church is. I consulted people around me, and for sure that those who has the veto-power in my life had placed their "against" votes. But for once I ignored them. I asked, if Jesus were sent to desert to be tempted 40 days before He started His work, I would like to be tested as well.

That was my initial thought. And God tapped me with a gentle warning of the potential dangers that lie ahead:

will I be able to stand firm?

He literally broke my leg, upon which we human stand firm on. While I was waiting for my leg to be scanned in Karlsruhe Hospital, my heart cried. I was scared. Not just because of the potential of being inability to play badminton (or just generally do sports), but I scared I will fall ( as in my faith). I prayed to God that if He knows I can out-stand the tests, let them come. And I got my job here. And to be honest, it is all-in-all because of God and mercy, which I let Him to be my goal.

--God--
Knowing that by deciding to come to Friedrichshafen will be a sign that I will be partly detached from my current house church, I really thank God that He gave me the strength to shun away all the evil thoughts and ideas that might stop me from continue to stay within Him. And God is faithful; He didn't let me be tempted beyond what I could bear. And when I were being tempted, He provided me a way out so that I could stand up firmly under it. (1. Corinthians 10:13 NIV my version). And I'm really glad now, because as I come to the end of this testing period, I think I did quite not bad ;) okay partly because God has sent dozens of angels to guide me in this timeframe.

--Relationship--
It's personal actually, which a lot of people misunderstood, because it is personal. I don't look for perfection, for I know that I am not perfect. I look for perfection in God, for the sheep who knows the shepherd's voice (John 10:27) are perfect because our Father is perfect (Matt. 5:48) (to answer one's question whom I refused to answer by then). I look for someone with whom I can serve God with. Someone who loves God more than she loves me. That we are both bind to each other because we love a love that comes from God who is love (1. John 4:8) and first loved us (1. John 4:19) (to answer someone else's question whom I refused to answer by then too). I wanted to work on from there. Towards her.

----

These were the three desires I had six months ago. Two were slowly taken away and one remained - the desire for Him. And it took me that six months long to find out where I did wrong. And God never fails to carve the lessons deep enough for me: Of all places, I learned the following lesson in the city of lusts and desires surround: Amsterdam.

At Gilbeon the Lord appeared to Solomon during the night in a dream, and God said, "Ask for whatever you want me to give you."
Solomon answered, "You have shown great kindness to your servant, my father David, because he was faithful to you and righteous and upright in heart. You have continued this great kindness to him and have given him a son to sit on his throne this very day.
"Now, Lord my God, you have made your servant king in place of my father David. But I am only a little child and do not know how to carry out my duties. Your servant is here among the people, too numerous to count or number. So give your servant a discerning heart to govern your people and to distinguish between right and wrong. For who is able to govern this great people of yours?"
The Lord was pleased that Solomon had asked for this. So God said to him, "Since you have asked for this and not for long life or wealth for yourself, nor have asked for the death of your enemies but for discernemnt in administering justice, I will do what you have asked. I will give you a wise and discerning heart, so that there will never have been anyone like you, nor will there ever be. Moreover, I will give you what you have not asked for - both wealth and honor - so that in your lifetime you will have no equal among kings. And if you walk in obedience to me and keep my decrees and commands as David your father did, I will give you a long life.

1. Kings 3: 5-14 NIV Italics mine

I was reading this passage during a night when we were in Amsterdam. Solomon asked for wisdom and later he became the wisest king ever in his time. But I felt convicted by Holy Spirit that time. It is normal for human to have their own desires and wishes. As for me, I consider myself as the abnormal one and it is not common for me to have desire for something, in this case the three things mentioned above. What convicted me were the lines, which I italicized above: It might just look as plain as "Solomon asked for wisdom from God to govern his people". But take a look at God's reaction:

He was pleased that Solomon didn't ask anything for himself. He didn't ask for wealth, nor long life; he asked for wisdom. It might sound as if the wisdom that he asked for was also for his own benefit. But God, who sees through people's heart, was pleased at him because his request was for God's people and not for himself. Making a short comparison between mine and his, it is very obvious that why God had shut the doors for the other two of my desires but left one - the desire for Him. On top of that, the song that was playing in my phone was "One Desire" by Hillsong in album Blessed:

This is my cry, my ONE desire, is to be where You are Lord.

It literally stunned me of how and what I have been doing. My desires are all for myself and my own benefits: I want to do my internship in ZF and later on do my thesis and after that straight away work in the company. I want this lovely girl and we can serve God together.

Talk about God has prepared someone for me. It sounded to me more like "God, make her mine".What were all of my desires about? Me and myself. Myself and I. Me, myself and I. One of the famous verses in New Testaments speaks it all:

But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.

Matthew 6:33 NIV

The only desire that comes from ourselves as Christians is to have desire for Him. To seek His kingdom. To seek His righteousness. To build a Father-son relationship with Him. Not just to come to Him only to ask and to make request. Not just come to Him only when we are in trouble. Not just come to Him only when we need him. The truth is, we need him all the time. I listened to a podcast sermon given by a friend of mine. It talked about our purpose as Christians. And Holy Spirit convicted me because it is always in our prayer that we ask, we make request, and we wish for something, as if God is a Fontana Di Trévi. Well, he actually is, in fact, he is better because God will provide us the desire for something which is aligned with his purpose and call for us. And He doesn't require you to throw money into it -and still being unsure if your wishes will come true or not. No! All you need is to remain in Him, by walking in obedience to Him, and to keep His decrees and commands as David did (1. Kings 3:14).

Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.

Psalm 37:4 NIV

Is our desire God? Is my desire God? It is a good question to ask ourselves each day. And be blessed.

Vincent

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