199 Returning to God

Post-number-seratus-九-und-neunzig =)

Looking back, I felt much glad for today. For the unfortunates and accidents and mistakes in the past, I grew a better today. God really blessed me with lots of people around me to give me supports, just when I need it the most. God really blessed me with lots of people around me to give me opportunity to become better. God really blessed me in different ways to teach me to grow. The question is, am I fully using them?

Come back from everything, I started with  nearly nothing again. New subjects, old subjects, 8am-to-7pm-non-stop-classes, never-free-Wednesdays-Thursdays-and-Fridays, badminton hours, lab assignments, German to improve, new (and very pretty) roommates, plans, uncertainties... it never ends. What's more, I will have harder lifespan here.

But then again, with the increasingly busy life, my spiritual life somehow decreased. Something not there. Talked to my mentor, and the only question he asked me is:

What is your relationship with God?

It stucked me hard hard hard. Yeah, somehow, the fear for my future displaced God from me.

When I told "my faith decreased", I was asked"what is your relationship with God?"

When I told "I admire those who can say 'praise God' in every good and bad situation'", I was asked "what is your relationship with God?"

When I revealed my timetable for wintersemester, I was asked "what your relationship with God?"

As Barbatov scored, I was asked "what is your relationship with God?"

As Barbatov scored again, I was asked "what is your relationship with God?"

So, what is my relationship with God? Or rather, how would I describe my relationship with God? Somehow, along the same question that was asked several times, I couldn't give an answer. What is my relationship with God?

Is He a friend?

Or is He rather a religion?

A belief?

A ceremony?

A person who I can blame on for all the sins that I've made, even just now?

A person who I find, when I have difficulties, like banker when I'm running out of cash?

I want Him to be my best friend ever, but quite some times the selfish side of me took place. Being indecisive, I not responding, just like computer.

Being sinner, I continue to sin, just like most of us.

Being blinded, I see not the eternal rewards, but the earthly ones, just like treasure hunters.

Being confident, I realize not that all these while He was, He is, and He will in control of things, but I depended on my own self-claimed-smartass brain, just like hedonists.

No, I was stupid to not look far. I was stupid to wanting to aim the 1,0 result. I was stupid to depend only on myself. I was stupid not even to learn from mistakes, failures. I was stupid to too on my own. I was too stupid not to think of ways to improve my relationship with God.

A relationship depends from both sides. A truth that speaks in every circumstances. As well as in friendship, love, everything. It is never one-sided effort. So, God has already put in so much effort to build this relationship. He sent His begotten Son and was put to death, bearing not His own sins (for He is sinless), but mine. He has promised the eternal life and eternal rewards for me. Whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but receive eternal life. He has a place for me in His kingdom in heaven. He had me in His mind, even before I know myself. He drew out a unique plan for me. He done a lot of sacrifices to me. It's not that He need me at all to be complete.

He want me.

He want me to be with Him.

Why can't I see this? Why can't I trust in Him? It's not that He failed me. It's because I did not seek him.

Seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.

Matthew 6:33

This quote was pinned on my wall. Yet I never really understand. Or rather believe. Just find Him, and He will guide me throughout my life? My skeptical heart grinned. Sounds of disbelief.

But hey, He will. He will, Qi Hao, He will.

But why with all those negatives? It's because my relationship with Him is not a firmly-bonded friendship. It's because I did not put in effort to come to Him. My faith was down-sliding. During my one-to-one session with my mentor, we sang "Heart of Worship". As we sang the song, I felt like crying. I chose to be disobedient. I chose to wander off. I chose to isolate myself from You.I chose earthly wealth. I chose to indulge myself on earth. I chose to say I love xxx. I chose to hurt people. I chose extreme and hurted myself. I chose talk-crap tongue to speak foul, meaningless words. I've made lots of choices that harmed myself. But now, I chose to come back to You. Nothing but You. Nowhere but You. In your arms. In You.

I've wandered very far away since the day I accepted You.

But now I'm coming back to the heart of worship, when all is about only you.

Once again I look upon the cross where You died, I'm touched by Your mercy. I'm touched by Your grace.

Once again I thank You,

Thank You for the cross, my Lord.

I really want to be Your friend.

This is my God.

This is our God.

This is my friend.

This is our friend.

What is your relationship with God then?

Vincent

Miss the missing miss...

It's hard to remind myself I'm already back in Germany. I still miss the great time I had in Malaysia. Visiting Midvalley 4 times within a month was simply... spending spree. All the people who I met.. All the things that I've done... Mom's surprise for our surprise on her birthday... I miss..


It's no more Malaysia again.

It's now Germany, oh, and freezing cold fall, and I reached with a single T-Shirt.

Hardcore.

Semester 2.

I will do well.



I miss...

Again.


Vincent

梦

梦
若它能把虚幻变成事实
若它能把秘密化成告白
若它能把伤心变成幸福
若它能把短暂换成永远

那该多好

梦
它就是那甜美的那一刻
它就是那幸福的一刹那
它就是那温暖的那一幕
它就是那手牵手的故事

妳，就这样握住我的双手
妳，就这样靠在我的肩膀
妳，就这样躺在我的胸膛
妳，就这样也只是一个梦

我，想永远留在梦里
我，想永远停留这里
我，想永远说它存在

梦，就是这么简单，
梦，也就是那么容易来幻想

昨晚，它就是我的梦
很想发生的梦
很想留住的梦

它，牵着妳和我
我，想实现它和妳
妳，又怎么看我和它？


祈豪

..Memories..

Memories..
How meaningful they are.
They confine themselves inside your fist-sized brain,
Never let go,
Never let you go.

Get in..
And infiltrate inside your spaces,
Where joy and laughter suppose to pile.
They are like the grasshoppers,
hop in and out from our mindfield,
Devouring what we have planted,
Flattening our crops,
What we have, gone in an instant.

Heart-brokened..
Are the farmers,
Who installed so much effort,
Just to see something grow,
Something that fails them,
Something that disappoints them,
Something that the heart shattered.

I run..
Far far away from the disaster,
To start new plantation,
To grow new hope,
To search for the harvest moon,
But land of which is disaster-free?
The yellows follow, no matter where you go.

If only there were guardians,
If only there were attack dogs,
Or frogs.

But no, this far they will go,
This far they could go.
If they are curses, I have the cross,
If they are bullies, I have my Father,
If they are earthquakes, I have my brothers and sisters.
I walk never alone,
I need not to fear,
I need not to tremble,
They could not disappoint me,
They could not rob me,
They could not pull me down,
For I see them as a challenge.
A challenge that I will break through.

For all I know,
All that I need to do,
Is to be still, and know You are God.



Vincent

Finding Your Missing Peace

..::+* Small Talk +*::..
1. Sometimes I think I deserved only these, relative to how much effort I've put in. But then again, sometimes I think I deserve more than these, for I'm not the trigger. Hmm.

2. Teachers always teach us that the more the merrier, the more easier the problems to be solved etc. But to think of it, difficulty of a problem is DIRECTLY proportional to the number of people involved. Say relationship. The more people involve, the harder for it to solve. Say event planning. The more grand an event is, the more people are needed, thus, the more people involve, the harder for the mastermind to coordinate. Beijing China 2008 just simply stunned me. Nice.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Finding Your Missing PiecePeace

Peace. What is peace?
A kindergarten kid will say it is world without war. A secondary school student will say it is world without quarrel, for they always quarrel with parents. Rebellious era. Parents will say it is world where the children do not create troubles for them. Old folks will say it is world where all they want to do is to sit down at a rocking chair, smoking cigarettes, a cup of coffee, and enjoy the sunset. Wiki says "peace, in the modern usage, is a concept defined by the ideal state of relationship as absence of hostility, at the international level, that of a war". But most importantly, we define it as following:

Happy are the peacemakers, for they will be called the sons of God.
Matthew 5:9

Today, the world has misconceptions about peacemaking. Biggest misuses of the word is the The Colt Single Action Army handgun, also is well-known as "the Colt Peacemaker". Convair B-26 Bomber that was used in World War II is also known as "The Peacemaker". These do not lead us to peace. Let's put it in a smaller context. Some people say it is avoiding; NO, it is not. Some people say it is appeasement of others; NO, it is not. Then what it is, you might ask. It is actively seeking to resolve conflicts.

Now we know what it means, and we know we have want to be peacemakers, because Matthew 5:9 said if we are peacemakers, we'll be called as the sons and daughters of God. Let us have some extra information.

1. Unresolved conflicts block our fellowship with God. If we can't even settle conflicts with those who we suppose to love, we cannot love God as well.

If anyone says, "I love God," yet hates his brother, he is a liar. For anyone who does not love his brother, whom he has seen, cannot love God, whom he has not seen.
1 John 4:20

2. Unresolved conflicts hinder our prayers. If we are still have problems with our wives, our prayers could not be listened.

Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.
1 Peter 3:7

3. Unresolved conflicts hinder our happiness. Job 18:4 talked about we hurt only ourselves with the storing anger.

So how to become a peacemaker? Brother Jeffrey shared with us 5 steps - P.E.A.C.E.

1. Plan a peace conference. Bible told us that we should be the one who take the initiative in peace conference. We must always remember that problems don't solve by themselves. Therefore, resolve it at once.

Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and therer remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift.
Matthew 5:23

2. Empathize with their feelings. We should not only think for ourselves, but also think of others'. Learn to understand them. It leads us to greater intimacy with others.

Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.
Philippians 2:4

3. Attack the problem, not the person. We are told not to condemn, not to criticize, not to compare with other person during problem solving. And during that time, answer with much gentleness.

A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.
Proverbs 15:1

4. Cooperate as much as possible. We are the bridge builders. But some people are just difficult for us to get along. Therefore we must be cooperative, and do all the parts that you can do.

If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.
Romans 12:18

5. Emphasize on reconciliation, not resolution. Finding ways and focus on reconciliation part, not the resolution part. We need not the end-product is you agree with me or me agree with you. We can also disagree with each other agreeably. To bring people to reconcile, to restore harmony is also a Christlike character.

So how do I get the missing peace in my life? First of all, we need to invite Jesus into our lives.

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. ...
John 14:27

He is the Prince of Peace.

Secondly, we need to let Jesus rule our hearts. He is the ruler. Let him be the master of our house, shepherd of us, the baaaa.. baaa.. sheep.

Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful.
Colossians 3:15

It was indeed a great sermon. Thank you Brother Jeffrey =)



At His service,
Qi Hao.

Si tompok

ok ok, update update.

Ok, I felt glad that during the 8 months in Germany, all I had was some minor illnesses - minor cough, sore throats, headache... That's all. Ermm, ok la, the worst was coughing with bloods after sports (football in the freezing field) during winter time.

Few days ago, I had a very super duper pain in my stomach. I couldn't even bend my body. To twist my body, to pick up a piece of paper from the ground was a painful processes. @,@

So it lasted for few days, until now I still have some minor pain at my lumbar (is it call lumbar -腰?) Although it was already better.

Then I had a bad diarrhea and during the night, I could still remember I made 3 times coffings, and the next day I was officially sore throat and headache and a bit fever.

Yesterday, I suddenly found out that there were spots on my body (biasalah, guys kan always not wearing shirts? No la, the weather was simply HOT~). It got more and more. So today, I woke up officially as Si Tompok. Or Spoty. Or 小不点. Heck.

Doctor, today I want to see you. Have not been seeing you for quite some time. Regret le. And Doctor, please cure me =)


Vincent

Quiet Time

Yesterday was 31st August. Yesterday I went to Charis Church. Yesterday, I learned also some things that had been hidden in my heart for some time. It was the "Quiet time".

I could still remember that my mentor was the first one to introduce me this 2 words. And honestly speaking, that time I was like, "oh," and sounded as if I understood what it means. I thought of, "yea, maybe I'll wiki it or search in dictionary or somehow." But as you all know me well, the "maybe" was just my excuse for my forgetfulness.

But anyway, today Pastor Lawrence Yap preached about these 2 words. He gave us a statistic and to my amazement, he revealed that only 30% of Christian consistently practicing their quiet time. Be noted of the adjective "consistent" - it means always.

Quiet time is personal devotion, or to be simple, the daily time we spend with God. Here came another foreign word to me - devotion. The first time I heard it was from a girl. Sometimes when I wanted to chat with her I'll caught her doing her devotion and unable to reply me. And so I was thinking, "what is 'devotion'?" It was the same from the very beginning. In Bible it was stated:

But Jesus often withdrew to lonely places and prayed
Luke 5:16

Very early in the morning, while it was still dark, Jesus got up, left the house and went off to a solitary place, where he prayed
Mark 1:35

So even Jesus also practiced to have the "quiet time" with God and so often he did it. It must be something very important, no? So how important is quiet time?

1. Quiet time establishes relationship with God. To have relationship with God, that was one of our purposes in this earth, still remember the 5 purposes that we talked about last time? So often people categorized "Christianity" as a religion, but to us, Christianity is a lifestyle - a relationship with God.

We proclaim to you what we have seen and heard, so that you also may have fellowship with us. And our fellowship is with the Father and with his Son, Jesus Christ.
1 John 1:3

It is also from this relationship we form greater prayer. It is also from this relationship with God that we have no doubt when we pray to God. The fond relationship with God that we will never doubt, "Where are you, God?", but instead we are sure in our heart that this very same God from yesterday, today and future listens to every prayer of ours, every cries, every tears, every thanksgiving, everything.

2. Quiet time produces divine guidance. Nowadays people always come to us and tell us to buy crystals or whatever and put them according to what the Feng Shui masters said or similar. They claimed so that your house could have "more light". And often people, including Christians, take in their words. I'm sure everyone very familiar with these talkings. But come back to the first place, is it "Christ" or "Crystal" is the light? Besides, instead of spending so much money to buy the wallet-devouring crystals, this "Christ" and His light, is free of charge. Why not him? Why the stones? This is what most of us miss. We miss the real point. Just as most of us miss this - are we worshiping the creation, or the creator? Why do we have to take unnecessary routes with thorns and cuts, when all we need to do is to follow his footsteps?

Trust the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding;
and in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.
Proverbs 3:5-6

Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light for my path.
Psalm 119:105

3. Quiet time produces strength for living. Strength? Living? Yes. The mechanism goes like this: Strong spirit will lead to healthy emotion, which also will lead to a healthy body. This is how a Christian lifestyle should be. But today, we live the other way round. We seek for a healthy body, and then trying to lead to a healthy emotion, and then, hopefully it leads to strong spirit. This is not how things should be. This is also why a lot Christians are spiritually skinny. They place their spiritual lives at the last. They depend only on themselves. The big chair in their hearts sit not the Christ, but the big word "I". The cross was thrown outside the circle. Often they try to accomplish things on their own, like me, and often, we fail. Depending only on ourselves leads us nowhere.

He gives strength to the weary
and increases the power of the weak.
Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;
but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.
Isaiah 40:29-31

4. Quiet time produces peace and success. As mentioned, quiet time fortifies our relationship with God. Remember Joshua 1:8?

Do not let this Book of the Law depart from your mouth; meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it. Then you will be prosperous and successful.

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.
Philippians 4:6

Jesus answered, “It is written: ‘Man does not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God.’
Matthew 4:4

So now it comes to the question: How? First of all, it requires strong determination and discipline to do this quiet time consistently. Secondly, we need to allocate time for worship ( remember the meaning of worship?). We should not do quiet time only when we are free. That is more like a duty than a relationship. For those who do not do this at all, it's quite similar to say "I see my love only once a week". Skip away the possibility of maybe it's because of work, but how can a relationship works when both only meet once a week?

Pastor Lawrence gave us a parable. Let just say we all walking in a grassy area. When we walk the path always, the "path" that we taken will be clearly shown. If we walk it only once a week, or a month, no doubt the grass on your path will be very long. So he reminded us, "if I tell you that 'grass is growing long on your path', you should know what it means."

And to be honest, along with the sermon, I felt guilty, because I'm on of those who do not practice consistent quiet time. Well, and time to change?


Vincent