BTN & KARiSMA

..::*+ Small Talk +*::..
Weee… it has been a while since I last post an entry. It’s almost 3 weeks, in fact. Well, basically the first week I went for Biro TataNegara (BTN) and the 2nd week I went to UiTM Jengka, Pahang for KARiSMA 2007. Yea, so, now it’s time to update everything. Yea, it will be very long. A super long post! The time zone is, as usual, GMT +8.00.


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BTN

What’s a BTN, you might ask. I’ll tell you. It’s basically a brain-washing program where all the JPA scholars must attend before flying out to their respective countries. It trains you to be patriotic and on the whole it is very time-wasting and boring program. At least that’s what those who went for it will say.

So the bus came at around 3pm and we waited as the person in-charge took attendance. I remembered I ran back to my room because of my body wash – I nearly forgot to bring it, and the consequence would be real bad, because my entire gang depend on my body wash. So, if I forget to bring, then… haha.

Then after long waiting, finally we departed. I forgot how long it took to reach Kem Bumi Jati. I don’t know how much anger I stored within myself. Unsatisfaction. My tears nearly fell out from my eyeballs. Thank you for lying to me. Well, it does not matter now, does it?

We registered ourselves and were introduced to the facilitators there. At night the Penghulu and Assistant Penghulu and other posts were selected through democracy. We were then formed into groups. I was in Group 4. My members consisted of me, Kai Boon, Sharon, Jia Hui, Kazeem the Penghulu, Hadi the ALG president, Azam, Shahir, Afif, Hilmi, Raj, Nurul Nadia a.k.a. May, and Najwa. I was so unlucky to sit at the 2nd place when we were sitting in rows and thus earned myself a title – Ketua Kumpulan (group leader), since the 1st seat was for the Penghulu. After the selection then we went for supper, which was provided by the management. The first night there were like horrible, where mosquitoes everywhere and the bed were uncomfortable to me. I hardly slept as time ticked and I was sure I finally dozed off around 4am. How sad.

The next day we woke up around 5.30am by 5.45am we were already in the main hall for moral talk, while the Muslims went for their Subuh Prayer. The talk was sort of boring, although it was quite informative. Haha. Then at 7am we were chased to the car park for our morning marching. It was a army-like style and Pak Nordin, the Ketua Jurulatih, was very strict. But luckily no one was punished. Speaking about the punishment, he said one of the punishments, especially for the Muslims who did not go for Solat Subuh, was to dip your head into a fish pond nearby. =.=¿ Sweat right?

We had our break and went for breakfast at 8.00am and later had our morning shower. At 8.30am sharp we were again chased to the main hall for talk. The talk consisted of 4 parts – “Tanah Air”, “Rakyat”, “Kerajaan”, and “Kedaulatan & Rumusan”, which each of these lasted for 2 hours. The talk was quite good and I guess the reason that I did not fall asleep is because I was sitting in front. Anyway, I gained some information about my own country throughout these four sessions. I was taught about the importance of democracy, unity and all the big events that happened in years back then. In the afternoon, around 5.30pm, we had our physical test, which was quite tiring. According to the table, I am now around 30++ years old. Laugh out loud.

For the 3rd and 4th day, we were separated from other groups. Each of the groups went to different rooms for “latihan dalam kumpulan”, or in short, LDK. The facilitators were Mr. Mohd. Noor bin Mohd. Yaakub and Mr. Sulam bin Anuar. We had 8 modules in this LDK:

Jatidiri
Krisis Identiti
Saintis Jadian
Pertimbangan Moral
Kira-kira
Globalisasi
Patriotik


The last module was for discussion. Each of the LDK sessions was 2 hours. I’m not sure about other groups, but to me, being in my group was fun. I gained new friends and we knew each other better. But the most important part that I cherished the most was the spirit of cooperation given by everyone to success the whole program. I tried to be a best leader and I was glad that I was recognized by every member of this team. Thank you! I knew that I was not good enough in solving some cases but thank you everyone for your guidance.

On the last day, we had, as usual, our morning moral talk, then breakfast, then test. The test was quite confusing as the answers were all quite close to each other. Yes, it was an objective questions paper. But I dare say it as hard and if you do not pay attention in the talk in main hall, or LDK, you are guaranteed to fail. Sounds scary right? But to me, reasoning and logic thinking and analyze the questions carefully will grant us a “pass” for the exam.

According to the timetable, we were supposed to have a trekking, or Kembara. But it was cancelled due to the fact that the management does not want us to have accident which, worst come to worst, held us from flying to overseas. The BTN ended around 12.30pm. We packed our things and laid our butt on the seat in the bus and off we went back to beloved Cemara Hostel.
BTN was quite a fun to me. It was an opportunity for me to prove my leadership and I thank God because by His grace I was able to success it without causing a lot of troubles. As I said before, I gained more friends, including those from Kolej Bandaraya Utama (KBU), who were also under JPA scholarship. All of them were warm-hearted towards me and I felt glad as this sensation warmed my freezing cold heart. I talked quite a lot during my 1st LDK session. I personally don’t know why, but since break-up I found out that I managed to express myself better. I learnt to think before I speak, although it was a pain in the ass when talking to her, which again, I caused problems again, in BTN.

And I was given warning not to disturb her.

Zzz… yeah right.

Anyway, it was not as boring as everyone thinks. Maybe it is because of the mindset of how you want to treat the whole program. Before I went for BTN I set some targets that I wanted to achieve in BTN, and I’m glad because I managed to reach these aims. I regretted that I was not social-active in the previous two years. I would now have lots of friends if I did not focus JUST on her last time. But thank God my life is now much better and colorful than before. =D This 5 days 4 nights were surely a sweet~


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Karnival Sukan Mahasiswa UiTM SeMalaysia 2007 (KARiSMA ’07)

Yeah and the story continues. While we were waiting for the bus to come at Kem Bumi Jati, INTEC badminton squad was facing a big problem – they do not have enough players to play for the competition. They called to ask for anyone to represent INTEC. My brain was squeezing hard that time. Should I play? Or should I not? These two questions kept running in my mind to the extend that I left my bottle and short at there. And for nearly an hour I was being undecided. But in the end, I followed my heart desire – to play!

I was suppose to go for medical check-up on Tuesday. But I decided to cancel it, since the Michelle Kwa of KBU told me that it can be done in private hospital; it is not a must to do it in General Hospital. So after I reached my beloved Cemara, I went straight to unload and reload my bag pack. I dunked all my smelly clothes into my pail and got few sets of clothes from my cupboard and compressed them into my tiny bluey bag that I got during Orientation Time at MMU Melaka last time. The INTEC bus supposed to arrive at the bus stop around 3.00pm so since I had a little bit of time, I went to Mydin and Giant to shop for socks (I’m running out of them!), a bottle of mineral water, and my body wash that I left at BTN. Sweat.

I hopped into the bus and found myself a seat. All the people inside were fresh and new to me; except Adi and Carolyn, who I went for the BTN together with. The rest of the badminton players went to Jengka already. They took the earlier bus. Anyway, I slept along the way to Jengka due to my tiredness and the only time that I opened my eyes was during the time where we rested at a resting spot. Then I slept again until UiTM Jengka, Pahang were seen.

Still feeling dizzy and tired, I came out from the bus and called Chang Ve. He came to me after a while and led me to our room, where I met Nadesh, Tee Tat, Zerg (the “Christian name” that we gave him) Teoh. All of us are badminton players. Anyway, to my surprise, Amy was here too! So as Angeline and Heng. I then got my shirt and cap from Mr. Majid, our badminton team manager/ coach. We then went for dinner, as I was so hungry. My appetite grew since BTN. I don’t want to get fat! T,T Anyway, the food were considerably cheap, though the tastes were nothing much different from that in Shah Alam. But if we talk about the water, it’s a whole different story. The Air Kosong was not kosong after all; it has faint milky color, which looks exactly like Barley Ice, just that it is not so concentrated. Laugh out loud. Anyway, we gathered around on a table and talked/ gossiped around until 12.00am before we decided to sleep, since we had badminton match the day after.

Everyone set alarm and they all rang one after one. We got up around 6.30am and got ourselves prepared. We went for some early breakfast and after that, off we went to the badminton hall.
We were drawn into Group A, where it consisted of INTEC, Shah Alam and Johor. We faced Shah Alam (a.k.a. INDUK a.k.a. Main campus) at 8.00am. It was not fun at all. We were being trashed 0-5. We were simply unmatched to them. Their skills and standards were far higher than ours. In the afternoon, we faced UiTM Johor. I won my single match against their singles and so angeline won too. But overall we lost by 2-3. How sad, which means, we were knocked out from the quarter-final stage. So after that we took the whole time at Jengka as if it was our vacation. We did not go back because we still had our individual competition at the 2nd last day of KARiSMA.

Anyway, that night we washed our KARiSMA shirt since the day after would be the opening ceremony. The next day we woke up quite late, mainly due to tiredness. We had our lunch and prepared ourselves for the opening ceremony. The event was exactly like how we did in secondary schools last time: We marched across the main stage and waved to the VIPs. Then we stood under the damn-freaking-hot sun while listening to the talks by the VIPs. My sweat kept rolling down alongside me. My hands were very hot and sweaty. Luckily we had a cap. If not, I guarantee that everyone would sun-burn. Anyway, after that we went for 2 cups of free Milo and they snapped photos of me doing stupid actions. Haha! Just because of the 2 cups of Milo, we were separated from our troop and in the end we did not get our free food. LoL. It was not nice, anyway, just 2 pieces of stuffed bread and a drink. We went back to refresh ourselves and had rest and waited for dinner to call. We went for dinner then and watched Transformers until quite late, before, with yawns and sleepiness, we went for sleep.

On the 27th we had nothing to do so we enjoyed ourselves and walked around to checkout the campus and time-wasting. We had a very relaxing day. The next day came our tough game – individual match. I was drawn to play against a UiTM Perlis player. Nadesh told me that my opponent was not the best of theirs, since he himself will play with the strongest of Perlis, which means the situation should be advantaging me. But however, I lost my game. Amy told me that I was not controlling the game; being controlled instead. At first I doubted it. But later when I think back about the match, yea, I was indeed being controlled. I did lots of mistakes. I did not know why, but I assume the opponent was an experienced player. He is, to be frank, very good. As for double, I partnered Zerg (I feel like laughing~) Teoh. We played well but we lost our match. Zerg is still an amateur but the standard of play of his that day was good and I’m satisfied of it. We lost because of team chemistry and the noisiness of the supporters of opponents. Sometimes I felt insulted by their words. But what can I do? They insulted us INTEC saying that we’re just bookworms and other insults. I felt like hitting the shuttle to their shit-ass faces at the last point. But I did not do so, as I felt it’ll just make me look uglier.
Speaking of ugly, I hate Amy. She kept on saying me ugly ugly ugly ugly and ugly. She could relate anything ugly to me. Hmmph. Haha! No la. She did not mean it. And I do not hate her. How nice I am? =P

Back to the competition. Anyway, Heng and Nadesh lost too. Angeline won her match and proceed to afternoon game. In the afternoon, Angeline won again and brought INTEC to quarter-final stage. Tee Tat and Chang Ve, our double pair who bye-ed in morning lost to a UiTM Sabah pair. Yea, again, Amy said one of the Sabah pair ugly. Sweat.

At night, Angeline lost her game, finally. LoL. She lost to a guy (whooppps! =P) girl. She was very good and could trash Angeline 21-0 if she wanted to do so. Sweat. But still, I think she does not have sportmanwomanship. She flattened Angeline by 21-1, 21-2. I mean, you don’t need to humiliate people with this kind of score, do you? Sweat.

The next day we woke up around 7.00am and packed our things and went down. We hopped into the bus and the bus departed at 9.00am, heading towards Teluk Cempedak. Haha. We went to beach for fun. We enjoyed ourselves there: jumping across tiny shallow river, playing with waves, sand… Fun fun!

We had our lunch at McDonald™ and at 1.30pm we went back to Jengka again for the closing ceremony. When we reached we realized that we could skip the closing ceremony. So we went back to Shah Alam. This time along the way I did not sleep. We talked, chatted, played UNO™, watched Ratatouille and still, tak habis-habis, ejek Nadesh and Angeline. Haha! We reached a rest spot and Chang Ve went to McDonald with his large empty McDonald cup to refill. Me and Amy bought Apple Pies. We had our dinner at the food court beside McDonald. At night time we reached back here in Shah Alam, around 9.30pm.

This was the last time that I’ll ever play for KARiSMA again. Though it was kind of sad, but I enjoyed the times I had in Jengka. It was fun to watch the top-seeded players to show their skills and techniques. I felt inspired by them. It made me had the thrust to improve my badminton skills. I want to be better! So it’s minus one regret! I was regretting that I cannot join KARiSMA this year. But now I’m happy that I played for it. It was really a great experience for me. I met lots of great people there. Oh ya, I saw the guy from Fakulti Undang-undang (FUU), who I beat during SAF 2007. Haha! Bet he don’t remember me.

After that night, it was the last time that I’ll see most of them. I won’t be seeing Tee Tat, Nadesh, Heng, Angeline, Carolyn and many others anymore. I’ll be flying soon and I can’t wait for that day to come. But at the same time, there are a lot of memories here that I wish not to forget, like friendship that I’m having with people around me. I’ll really miss everyone very much :’(



vincent

A girl and a grand dinner

..::*+ My Talk +*::..

Talk 1:

If I ever said someone as perfect as God, I’m lying. But if I say someone much greater than a lot of people, I’m strongly agreed with that. Yes, she is really someone that I admire since yesterday. Guess who? There was once when I thought she was just another normal girl with charming smile and attractive voice. I thought she was nothing more than a smarty, childish and immature brain and as normal as a normal little girl. She’s just a normal person that I came across, I told myself. Oh yea, that was my opinion about her ever since I knew her.

But guess what? I’m totally wrong about her. She is, like Joash, another wonderful person. Oh how great can she be abnormal than a normal girl, you might ask. But honestly, she is the most matured girl that I ever meet within those who are same age as hers. I regret I never want to put in effort to know this little girl better. We went to Secret Recipe for supper that day. It’s not a supper actually; it was just a normal meet-up and had some drinks there while we talked to each other.

Well, the two hours talk changed my impression on her. By the way she talked to me, her respond, her thinking, made me have the enthusiasm to know her better, to keep on hearing about things that happened in her life. Imagine, she finished her lemon juice (I think!) two hours later after we reach there… she must have talked a lot right? Throughout the session she obviously talked a lot about herself than giving me the chance to boast about my past achievements. As we talked I realized that she is not as childish as she looks to be. Hey, honestly speaking, how many girls always help her mother for laundry washing or house-keeping? She is that unique person.

She was once a prefect, who later promoted to be the head girl. Her parents were both teachers, the very busy ones. Because of their works she was forced to be able to take care of herself and making wise decision to solve all the problems that she faces. Her father was the headmaster of her secondary school, but the “head girl” title was purely earned by her efforts and sacrifices. Because her father was the headmaster, she was once accused by others. She admitted she did cry, but she also did make the effort to solve the misunderstanding.

She talked about her philosophies of life. She talked about her relationship with someone that she loved. It was really a sad one, which was exactly as same as my ex-girlfriend last time, just that the one who ended it was not her father, but her herself. I knew her much better through this conversation. Well, I did too talked a bit about my frustrations about my broken relationship, and she was great to listen and gave me advices. The advices were almost as same as what Michelle gave me. I felt more assured about what I should do in the future. Thank you, Yie Ning.

I felt happy and grateful because what I gained that night was more than the MYR 17.80 of the drinks, although I was the one insisted to treat her meal, which in the end turned out to be just a normal drink treat. It was such a sad to think that that night might be our last time we meet each other. I doubt I will ever see her again. The only possibility is that I travel to India 2 years later. But still, I thank God because once again I was given an opportunity to know someone great!

Yie Ning, I wish u all the best in your future undertakings. You are great!

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Talk 2:

My another last time. This time is something that I felt sadder over. Today I attended our ALG9 Graduation Dinner. I was stunned once and a while during the event and my friends kept asking me whether I’m alright or not. Recall back in the past, I remembered our super-senior, ALG7 students had their grand dinner at the same venue two years ago. And today standing here was us, the ALG9 students. Time waits for no man. How true it is. How fast it is either.

We arrived at Holiday Inn Glamerie about 2000 hours (GMT +8.00) and after registration we went in and took our seats. Soon after the seats were filled in came all the VVIPs. The event started by speech by the president of ALG11 and ALG9. Later on was speech by Dr. Andreas. I still remembered him clearly. A sweet encounter and also a embarrassing meet. But anyway, he, as usual, gave a lot of advices to us, so that we will not suffer severe culture shock when we arrive at Germany.

Well, lots of things happened. We had laughter, joy, fun, paiseh-ness, sadness, angriness… it was a mixture of feelings that shaped out this wonderful life in ALG. And oh yea, this is the last time I’m having such a moment here. Perhaps it is also the last time I saw the super juniors. So if you came across my blog, or something, I just wish you all will have a wonderful life in INTEC here. For 2 and ½ years. Words of advice? Mix more around, do more crazy stuffs (how I wish I did something, but actually, I did done some thing really crazy =P) but at the same time neglect not your studies. After all, studies should be given 1^st priority. Haha.

It was a wonderful night. Thinking back again makes my tears wanting to drop out from my big round eyes. ALG memories… there are surely a lot. And if you have followed my blog since the day when I started, you will know a lot about my memories – both the sad and happy ones. This fragment of memories will be preserved forever in my mind.

For the very first time, I don’t know how to describe the scene. It was just simply marvelous and speechless. No words can explain how I felt that night. It was a night of remembrance, a night full of meaning. Oh yea it’s true, I’ve graduated from INTEC!

I guess I’ll stop here as I can’t think of anything else to write. Told you, it was indescribable!

p/s: My ex looked gorgeous with her dress… =D

Vincent

Recalling the memories (pt 2)

..::*+ My Talk +*::..

The very me 14 years ago had never achieve anything that gave me opportunity to boast about. My daily routines were playing sands and soil with my younger brother, gentle-and-without-moves-like-choke-slam-or-what-sort-ever wrestling on bed, eat, and sleep. Oh you can count watching cartoons in. Unless doing homework given by my kindergarten teacher, I hardly touch any books. Exams… it was my nature to burn the midnight oil at the day before them. So, basically there is nothing much interesting in my 5^th year since God created me.

But there was one moment back then, which my parent and relatives always talk about whenever something related to this event happens. An incident where the image is still barely and blurry remained in my brain…

There was once when my family went to a shopping complex somewhere in Kuching (I forgot which shopping complex!) and there was a toy exhibition. My younger brother ran to play with the toys, obviously attracted by toys. Kids love toys. And so did my other cousins. In contrary, I jus stood there watching all the kiddies touching the moving mini trains, the small cars, dolls, and other toys. My brain was on the run. It was processing something that until now I still can’t believe that I did that. I walked straight to the toys, but instead of playing with them, I asked the person in-charge:

这些玩具都是免费的吗？

Translation: Are these toys free?

That person was about his 60’s, if I’m not mistaken. He was helping a kid with the toy. He turned to me, as he knew I was talking to him. He squatted down to the height level with mine, put his hand on my shoulder and told me:

不，是要给钱的。小朋友，你要记住：世界上没有免费的东西。

Translation: No, you need to pay for them. Little kid, you must remember: in this world nothing is free.

He patted me on my shoulder and stood up. Before he walked away, he gave me a smile, leaving me stunned, digesting his words.

Yes, it was indeed the truth of life. Nothing is free. If you don’t work hard to earn money, you will never get yourself food. Even beggar also have to make their move to earn their living. What free is nothing, and nothing is free. The same concept can also be applied in studies. If you don’t make efforts to study, if you don’t concentrate while you’re studying, if you unable to set the correct mood to study, if you if you don’t take the subject seriously as you’re studying, you not get yourself anywhere better in studies. You need to “pay” for your studies. Pay, as in committing time, concentration and energy into it. We cannot expect knowledge to fall from the heaven and landed right on top of our heads.

That was the most important piece of wonderful memory when I was 5 years old; something that I’ll never forget; a lesson that came not from school; another truth of life that improves everyone.

Vincent

Emo-ness + Friends

Feeling is such a complicated matter. Although it has been nearly half a year since I broke up with her, yet in these few days that emotion suddenly came back into me. I was down, my heart as if made a somersault. I don’t know why it came back to me again, but definitely it wasn’t what I wanted. Tears rolled down from my cheek, suddenly. I suddenly lost interest in everything. I really thought I might have gone crazy like last time again.

But to my greatest relief, it was a huge difference between this time and the previous ones. I’m not alone to get through everything this time. Just when I needed it the most, God came to me with the friends that I’ve made. I was touched.

My ALG coursemates came to me with great support. Daniel offered me great hand and a wonderful plan. Xiang Yu gave me a great assurance of something that surely you won’t want to hear about. Pau… although not much, but with his that piece of voice and his song that he never sing to anyone else, that really cheered me up, a lot.

Danke sehr~

Next up, the Koreans, you all are just as wonderful as you all are! A warm thanks to Michelle, for being a great listener as I poured out everything that came in my heart. All the sadness… it felt just great to tell out your personal feelings and she being able to give many advices. Just that, don’t go around her asking for details what I told her, I believe I have her trust not to tell anyone about it. It’s nice to have someone as my own secret keeper, after so many years I’ve become one of others. Second credit goes to Dena, another good listener, or rather, good reader (as we messaged each other). Well, I can’t remember how it started, but I told her about my emo-ness through Short Message Service (SMS). She basically no experience of the feeling of breaking up, but the cheers and advices really did made my feeling a great boost. Next up, Anna, for SMS me so late just now (2am, 10^th Nov, GMT +8.00), just to cheer me up with forward messages. I like this SMS of hers the best:

哪有眼睛，不曾流过泪？

哪有笑容，背后没有创伤？

哪有成长，不经千锤百链？

哪有成功，没有遭受挫折？

但愿你能平安，顺利，开心，让神带领你每一天。

To be honest, this was the reason I’m staying awake now (2.22am) just to finish this entry, although yesterday I just posted up one.

Kamsahamnida~

Not forgetting is my ex-schoolmate, Usiana. Hey, to be honest, she was the Hermione Granger of my school last time. PTS “jumper”, 1^st in every year throughout the whole secondary school times, oh ya, just that she did not go to library whenever she faces problem (if she’ll ever face one), partly because the library was never giving any useful help, although she’s a bit short and what Ah Do always tease her last time – 一仙五角. Go and figure out what that means. Haha! But but but, she was another one that I poured out everything to and also, another great advisor. I remembered last time the only help that she asked from me was to give her advice on what she should do during a 拉票 sorts of thingy for President of Student Council, if I’m right about this. It is now still clearly in my mind that during that time I gave her lots of lame and nearly useless ideas. But today, although we’re far apart, she understood everything when we chatted through MSN and gave me advices as we discussed my problem.

Kai Chiat, you’re next! Yup, we also talked about my problem when we chatted.

You better get rid of her.

Simple, yet that’s the truth of what I really should do now. Actually there were still lots of friends that I talked to. Many of them gave constructive advices. Something that I really thank God. I have lots of friends. I know, I won’t be alone all the time.

I was shocked of myself that the emo came back to me again, when I was sure that I shook it off from me. Has it been tailing me since then? However, I’m not afraid, nor sad. No,not this time. It’s just not this time. I got tons of friends cheering me up, supporting me. My wonderful friends.

So emo emo, shoooooooooooooooooooooooooo~

Go away, get out from me, don’t come back to me and better, don’t exist.

Vincent

Swing swing~

..:: *+ Small Talk +*::…
Jay Chou is out with his new album – Jay Chou on the Run (我很忙). Go check it out, download, or more recommendable, buy original CD, if you really a fan of his and support anti-piracy campaign that government keeps on talking about. Below is the list of the songs in this album.

1. 牛仔很忙
2. 彩虹
3. 青花瓷
4. 阳光宅男
5. 蒲公英的约定
6. 无双
7. 我不配
8. 扯
9. 甜甜的
10. 最长的电影

The songs are all nice. Just that I prefer 彩虹 and 蒲公英的约定. The music is simple and the guitar chords and tabs, to me, should be very simple to master. So far both of these songs have been de-chorded at 吉他谱. I’m now waiting the tabs. =D should be real soon!

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I used to hate playground a lot. It is a place where a lot of kids playing see-saw, swing, some strolling paths for jogging, lake, fountain, small human-made water fall, exercise machines, skateboard/roller-skate ground, maybe, and some sticks that children love to climb about.

To me, it is a place where people waste their time, or maybe they really have that much time to waste. I seldom go to park, nor do I show interest in it. Therefore mom and dad seldom bring me there also, partly because they are quite busy all the time. Being in a low-moderate income family, my parents don’t even have a lot free time to bring us to this kind of place – they have to work hard to earn money to support this family of four children. Nevertheless, I feel love from them… touched by them. I am really happy to be in this family.

Anyway, when I came to INTEC, I liked to go to the park beside my hostel. I remembered a lot of us celebrated a lot of events there; from birthdays, moon cake festival, and Malays’ festivals to dating. Yeah, it was a place where I and she used to date. That’s the main reason why I love that park. We used to sit there and gaze at the stars above, counting each and every one of them. Sometimes when a plane passed by, she would tell me about she never been into a plane before and wanting to try it once. That was when I would cheer her up by promising to bring her to Kuching; a promise that she gave up; a ticket that burnt in the mid air.

That was the reason why I liked that park. But since the break up I began to fall in love with another park, which is next to my block inside my hostel. It is not a very large one - only 2 swings, a see-saw, a slide, and short walking paths with tiny stones – but it is special to me. I gained something from this tiny little place.

It is a place where I realized that I’ve been far left-behind since I was a little kid. I could not swing a swing without using my feet. Laugh at me. Just laugh at me. I’m alright with it, as that day, when I, Jacky and other friends were there, a lot of them laugh (friendly and gentle laugh, not those feeling-hurting type one) at me. I never know that we can swing the swing without the need of using feet. I didn’t even have the skill a kid in park can do. These kids are better than me. And since then I’ve been going to the park whenever I free or when I feel depress and sad, just to practice how to swing a swing. I just tried it a few minutes ago. I’m getting grip on how to swing better =D

The thing I wanted to bring out is that, learning process can happen anywhere. I can learn how to swing a swing from a park. Likewise in our daily life, learning process is continues, not necessarily in school or college only. I gained a lot from Campus Alive, Akasia Badminton Hall, the so-called Dataran Cemara, and perhaps, the very me myself. There is nothing such as “there’s nothing to learn”. It’s the matter of whether we notice them and pick them up. Knowledge is like food, the more we pick up, the further we can go. We must not to only pick the sweet or the tasty or expensive one, if possible, pick up everything. We might even be able to share part of our food with friends that we gain along the road.


Vincent

A Fall of Rememberance

..::*+ Small Talk +*::..

A forwarded Short Messaging Service (SMS) from Anna of Korean:

再烦，你要记得微笑；

再急，你要温柔语气；

再苦，你要忍耐坚持；

再累，你要默默承受；

再忙，你要照顾自己；

再难，你要感受磨练；

原你开心度过每一天！

Another SMS from my sister, Wendy:

In GOD’s eyes, LOVE is NEVER absent;

In GOD’s heart, FORGIVENESS is NEVER impossible;

In GOD’s embrace, NO ONE is EVER alone or forgotten!

Praise the LORD!

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Today all the 4 of my Chinese coursemates went to an award-giving ceremony and dinner. There is only me and myself in this old little room 15/501. One nominated for outstanding German language, another went to compete for best A-Level Student. One went for being in High Committee (HICOM) of our A-Level German (ALG) Student Club, Der Klub. Another went as to compete for best event coordinator; he was the coordinator of Opening Ceremony of German Week 2006. Me? I got nothing. I have a post in Der Klub, but not in the HICOM. Remember in my earlier post that someone said about me?

You’re a street smart but not a study smart character.

-she got the point so don’t even include me to stand a chance to compete for the best academic student.

I’m never better than these people. Some can stay awake in midnight until sunrise just to study their exam. Some are fast-learner – they learn things real damn fast. Some have super high performance and well-functioned brain – they can remember and write down ALL the German words during Hören Verstehen, HV (hearing) sessions in class. Some have never-ending sources of exercises and past years to study. Some can play computer games far better than me; some can play sports far more skillful than me. On the contrary, what do I have in myself? Nothing, except I can play badminton well. Yes, being one of the best badminton players in INTEC and everyday boasting around as if I’m INTEC no.1 is the only thing I can do (I don’t!). There’s an award for best athlete, but I’m sure I won’t be even nominated. The reason? What triumph I’ve achieved in the past two years? Nothing. Being a participant and being knockout in KARISMA 2006, played for SAF in 2005 and 2007, where INTEC goes nowhere near the 8-strongest team (quarter-final stage), are not things that I’m so proud of myself to allow me to receive the invitation card to the ceremony.

I’m not jealousy of them or something. It’s just that sometimes I think I’m really just a piece of crap in INTEC. I thank God for giving me an opportunity to stand with these “excellencies”, but I don’t know the reason for being in this kind of place. Oh God, please show me a way, light my path. Tell me, what’s your purpose to send me here? I really need an answer.

Neither am I feeling to weep nor moan on my bed again, although I’m honestly a bit depressed of who I am. I never have any chance to be the top. Never in my family, nor in any period of my lifetime. Seeing the trophies on the tables makes me more disheartened. I still can’t forget the nightmare during the German Speech Competition last year at Universiti Putra Malaysia (UPM). It was really a haunt in my life. It discouraged me and even until now, the shadow of the event is still devouring my soul. It was a fall that the wound can hardly heal.

Despite all these, I keep telling myself these:

A fall, is not necessarily a bad. It gives valuable lessons. Throughout the process we fall, we taste the pain of the fall, we see blood flowing out from the wound, we cry out loud, we then might get help from someone else, we stand up again some time later, we learn our own capability, and we avoid falling the same way again. The blood and pain have their own weight in our life. The pain, that reminds us of how He felt when He was hanged on the cross. He did not complain, but ask God to forgive us. I still remembered the subtitles (because I watched in foreign language version) in the Passion of Christ:

Oh Father, please forgive them, they do not know. They do not understand.

No one can do the similar as he did when we’re at the gate between life and death. None of us has the asset to vow these powerful words.

A fall, was what I had in the past. Today, I’m learning to stand up again. Sometimes I still shed my tears when seeing things that bring me back to the time when everything was wonderful and happy. I know now, nothing will last eternally. And when these sweetest moments come, all we can do is to thank God and appreciate them because they happened. A friend of mine had this on his MSN personal message:

Don’t cry because it’s over; Smile because it happened.

It’s hard and painful. Nevertheless, I must get over with it. It’s like a baby learning to stand up on his feet. It is a difficult task to master, and he might fall down and receive a pain in his ass. But what thrusts a baby to stand up, it’s that no matter how many times he falls, the essence behind is that he is now more mobile and starts to get more mature, that is turning into a child.

Vincent

I'm sorry

..::*+ Small Talk +*::..

Time ticks. Days by days passed by and as time goes on I’m starting to talk like a dying person. I started to think about what I wanted to do before I leave INTEC, and later depart for Germany for my further education. Maybe they’re what I want other people, especially the juniors, and super juniors to do. Those that I didn’t manage to do back then. Those that were once my dreams when I set foot into INTEC. Those that I did not tell others back then.

An old man.

A very very old one.

Awww… My DVD Rom got problem. I think it’s the lens’s problem. Not sure. Bad day for me… I have a CPU without the CD/DVD ROM now. Sick.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I still remembered clearly, that when I was about the age to start to understand this world, my parents ever told me this: Say sorry if you do something wrong. That was sort of a lesson for me that until today I can still recall it clearly in my tiny little brain. I used to follow this principal until a day when I realized that by merely just a sorry does not mean anything at all. In fact, sorry is a word carrying negative meanings.

Without knowing the true meaning of sorry, it is an excuse to run away from a problem. A lot people think that by saying sorry any problem can be solved. No, honestly it doesn’t. Not without knowing the true meaning of saying sorry. To me, sorry means the understanding of the reason of main idea and the whole process of the problem and, knowing that, avoid, or at least, try our best not to repeat the same mistakes again. Today, seldom people realize this. The word “sorry” has been taken for granted.

After we know about the meaning of “sorry”, it is best that we learn how to say it sincerely. I’ve seen many cases around me where some conflicts, for example: misunderstandings, among my friends happened and remain unsolved for a very long time, just because neither side want to put down their ego, for just a small period of time, just to say “I’m sorry”. How sad I am to see this, because the problems are actually neither big nor complicated, but need just a word of sincere apology from both sides, which neither is able to do so. Thus a tiny little conflict lasts for almost half a year. A lot problem can be solved by just standing beside each other, same status, same pride, and say “I’m sorry”. Personally I don’t find it hard to do so, but I know, a lot people just can’t do so. Well, if only all of us can do so, many problems might be solved easily. But still, we’re all human, right?

Besides ego, some people don’t wish to say this”forbidden word” due to this reason:

He/she won’t accept my apology, when I say it to him/her. I might get things worst than ever. I better not to say it.

What else can I say? I can only keep on “sweat sweat sweat” and say “oh my god”. True, this is really a turn-around. This is a typical example of why I said most of us misunderstood the word, partially or totally. Let me ask you: are you saying sorry because you want other people to forgive you; or you are saying it because of your remorse of what you have done? Why do you need to be afraid to say sorry, just because they might not forgive you? Apology and forgiveness is two different things and thus shall not always be put together in a situation. My point is that, you need not to be afraid that other people might not forgive you, because time tells. They might not want to forgive you now, but as time goes on, who knows, things might change. This is something beyond our hands. But on the other side, apology is something that you can do with. No matter what, to say sorry sincerely is far better than not saying it. By saying sorry, you create a chance for both yourself and other people: the chance of getting forgiveness after an apology is higher than keeping your prideful mouth shut, right? By saying sorry, you will learn not to repeat the same mistakes again in the future; in short, you’re improving yourself to be a better person.

Learn to say sorry, things will be much better than nothing.

vincent